need insight - does she have a right?

OK listen, this is about a girl that i have been with on and off, part open, and lots of long distance for 5 yrs or so.

she went back to school far away in jan after hanging with me the whole winter break and started dating a 'good friend' there. she stopped calling me and treated me like i was nobody. i was fed up with how she could get so close to me then bail on me like that. so i called her and told her i needed space and to distance myself from her emotionally. we didn't talk again for months (she called me once or twice, that's it). i (hurtfully) moved on to live my life thinking she was done with me.

come may, start of her summer break, she started calling and stuff as if nothing had ever happened. i of course avoided the calls and didnt talk to her because i cant allow her to just talk to me whenever she wants. and i was very hurt and trying to get over her.

finally a few days ago, i felt ready to talk to her so i emailed her a simple email w/small talk. she replied 'dude whatever. i can't believe you. i have nothing to say to you anymore.'

im kind of stuck in how im supposed to respond. i dont think she has a right to be mad? she apparently didnt listen to me when i told her i wanted space. and i thought she was done with me. please everyone give me some good insight (hopefully wise). keep in mind that her and i previously have been spending summers and winters together when she is back from school.

oh and feel free to ask me questions about the relationship to better analyze it.

signed,
stuck

Quote:

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she stopped calling me and treated me like i was nobody. so i called her and told her i needed space and to distance myself from her emotionally.

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The logic astounds me. :)

gee thanks for the sensivity. the only reason that is relevant is to make a point of why im fed up with it. to clairfy, we were very close and exclusive for the first 2 yrs then it turned part open and long distance except for summers and winters and visits...you get the point.

Here's how you respond-

with nothing at all. Cut the string my friend, cut all ties.

easy to say but hard to do. im sure that is the rigth answer though.

it's easier if you let your hate drive you away from her. trust me. raverboy

Well..let me just clarify it all for you. First of all...she' might've been suffering too. Maybe she just didn't want to hurt too much, that's why she tried to distance herself from you staright away (until the next time she sees you) (that's fair isn't it?). Or maybe she just fell in love with a friend, maybe she was madly in love...you know, that feeling that sweeps you off your feet and you forget about everything. Love doesn't happen too often, so I think that friends should express a bit more sympathy and understanding when it happens.

Then, when the "mad" stage of their love was over, she was back to normal life and realized that she hasn't spoken to some of her friends for ages! So she starts calling you (and maybe she wan't to share the good news!) and you keep retreating... so ultimately, she gets offended.

Not saying you did something wrong, that's just my little insight. By the way, I don't believe I understood this - did yu guys ever date? Or were you just friends? Or you broke up and stayed friends?

we were very close and exclusive for a couple of years. then we both moved and remained very tight but with an open relationship and spent summers and winters together. this is the first summer in years that i have not seen her. its one of those things where we broke off the status but still pretty much acted like a couple.

see i dont like that whole thing where you get swept off your feet or whatever and then forget your whole other outside life. that sounds immature and flaky to me. especially if you continue to lead someone on even just weeks prior. and then when she told me about over the phone, she played it down and said it is nothing.

but thats not really the issue anymore, its more what kind of character flaws does she have and whether i want to accept them or not. i am choosing not to so i want to move on. she doesnt have a right to be mad. then when we talked briefly over the internet she is still trying to lay down demands and terms to talk to her. uh uh, not gonna happen.

i say that's a good idea, move on and forget about her. why waste time dealing with the past when you have the future to look forward to. raverboy

comming from a girl that has seen all the games girls play I think i have some insight on this situation. She met this guy at school and because of the open relationship she was "allowed" to see this other guy. It was prolly something new and different from what she had from you, and it seems to me that she cut ties with you because she didnt need you anymore. I think her relationship ended or she was facing problems with this other guy when she contacted you, its easier to pretend that noting has changed between you to the her admit that she was a bitch. This part about her being upset at you has all do to with the fact that she lost her control over you, she knew you were going to stand up for yourself and not be whipped by her. I know that when my boyfriend does this to me it makes me upset and I feel that if I am angry and tell him not to talk to me thats the only way he'll come running back and be wrapped around my finger. Almost all girls play these games and its impossible if you are a guy to see through them.
I think you should try to just cut ties with her as much as possible. it seems like she doesnt know what she wants and is only hurting you in the process. good luck

OK,

been there done all this.

First thing: don't play
Second thing: DON'T GET PLAYED
Third thing: If you have to play-------WIN

I think everyone so far is pretty much right, she didn't know what to do, and for most women, usually without realizing it, means playing.

The summer is almost over, and you are already stuck in the game, so now win the game.

First thing, call her back, never mind anything she said before, and just ask if she would like to go do something as friends.

Then, when you go out be so much of a friend, talk to her like you would one of your guy friends. Tell her you need her advice about some other girl, make it up if you have to. Tell her that you really have feelings for this girl, and that you need help in what to say, where to take her out to, etc.

She will be getting angry at this point, so drive the message home, and say things like it's great to hang out with you without this whole relationship problem.

Be careful what you say here, as this may invite talk about the 2 of you, which is ok as long as it was in the past, and when you make a reference to it, make sure you use a past tense.

When the night is over, she will probably be a little upset, and wanting you to be more than a friend, and even if you want to have sex with her at the time, don't. If you want to have sex with her, another time will come.

Now, after all of this, I hope you avoided the problems that arose. This is not part of what you are doing here.

always remember that you can't be in trouble if you don't care.

Now the truth is I know you care, and by doing this my way, she won't think you do, and you will be on a little more of an even playing field.

try it

what can it hurt