Confusion on how to feel towards being cheated on; my partner grinded with another...

It's been a day now, since we have broken up, due to this circumstance. I have introspected, accepted and allowed the pangs of pain to exist as they will.

The connection shared with this person and myself, is truly like none other. The conversation that took place during the break-up was thoroughly healthy, though of course heart-wrenching.

To explain the series of events, and why I have ended it on his first mistake...

I have immense psychological damage, due to a past sociopathic, manipulative, narcissistic, cheating, egotistical douchebag of a boyfriend; whom had been cheating on me with his ex throughout the entirety of our damn relationship. I had been severely demolished by his tactics, and having had become a shell of a being, whilst being aware of his actions, I had myself kidded into believing that I was worthy of this pain, I was deserving of the damage, etc. All due to his own sickening demise. I honestly would take decades to be able to explicitly explain what the **** had been happening. Though alongside this experience, were a few others where similar damage had taken place. Cheating.

When I had mustered the strength to escape the relationship with the psychotic sociopath, I deemed myself as worthy of true love, from myself. Promised to myself, let alone swore, that if any cheating, no matter the drasticity of it, shape/form/manner, were to happen to me; I'd leave, immediately. Which from my personal perspective is fully valid, and my now ex-partner fully understands. Though I cannot help but feel a tinge of guilt, considering I didn't ask for it to affect me this way which created the needed reaction/action for my own well being. As I cannot help but feel betrayed from the thought of him conciously going into an instance of grinding with another female and in simplistic words; cheating on me. It's difficult to fathom; this man is the opposite to the sociopath. He's precisely perfect, with flaws that make his character. :sad2: I'm middle-manned with my own emotions. I believe I'm simply posting this in hopes of recieving alternate perspectives.. :emot101:

Did he have sex with another human being? If so, did you establish previously that your relationship was exclusive?

If both those answers are "Yes", you did the right thing. Pain sucks, and looking back on relationships is often tough because you only see the good in them after they're done, but you're doing the best thing for yourself.

If the answer to either of those questions is "no", then ask yourself if you've done all the right things. Breaking up is probably still best, but you want to make sure you establish what is and isn't OK going forward.

He hadn't had gone through with any "extreme" physically sexual encounter such as having sex with another human being, no. Though there could have been more incentive underneath the conscious decision making of grinding (rubbing his genitals against another females ass, and front region) with another chick for the duration of 3 songs or so. All whilst this is happening, he potentially was getting off on it... We had established, heavily in the past the exclusivity of our relationship, yes.

As much as I agree with the concept of me having done the right thing, considering both answers to your questions are yes. I cannot help but feel confused and guilty. You're correct with the difficulty on looking back on relationships when they're done and only having seen the good in them. I suppose that process is what's leading to hte overwhelming guilt, and immense confusion.

What do you think?

He hadn't had gone through with any "extreme" physically sexual encounter such as having sex with another human being, no. Though there could have been more incentive underneath the conscious decision making of grinding (rubbing his genitals against another females ass, and front region) with another chick for the duration of 3 songs or so. All whilst this is happening, he potentially was getting off on it... We had established, heavily in the past the exclusivity of our relationship, yes.

As much as I agree with the concept of me having done the right thing, considering both answers to your questions are yes. I cannot help but feel confused and guilty. You're correct with the difficulty on looking back on relationships when they're done and only having seen the good in them. I suppose that process is what's leading to hte overwhelming guilt, and immense confusion.

What do you think?

What do you want?

Contact Dr. DUGO on E-mail: dugo_d()gmail.com, he has the charm to make everything right for you. Trust me

So, essentially all he did was to dance sexually with another woman. ...And please do not misunderstand me. By "all he did," I do NOT mean to imply that wasn't such a big deal.... I merely mean to clarify that nothing more happened.

I feel the need to point that out because I do NOT for a second think what he did was okay. Not given the circumstances. You two were exclusive, as you said. To me, you shouldn't even dance with other women at all under those circumstances, but some innocent, friendly dancing I could maybe forgive. To me, dancing sexually such as "grinding" on her as you put it, that's NOT okay in the slightest. I mean, at least not unless you two had an agreement that such a thing was okay.

So, did you do the right thing? I'll say this.... I definitely think you did the right thing for you. MAYBE his offense was one that could be forgiven. That could be the right path for somebody else. Thing is, given what you went through in the past, you have every right to have a zero tolerance policy for that sort of thing. So, maybe other women could look past that and forgive him... but that may not be what is right for you. At least not right now.

All that aside, you do deserve to be able to trust again. To Hell with that jerk you were with before who put you in the position to find it so hard to trust anybody. Please don't let that sack of crap (the psycho ex, I mean) affect the rest of your life. He doesn't deserve that power just as much as he never deserved the power to make you as miserable as he did.

You deserve to be happy. You deserve a guy who will treat you like the lady you are. Who wouldn't dare to risk losing you and wouldn't dream of even thinking about cheating on you. That isn't to say guys don't find other women attractive when they are in a relationship. We are all human. You don't cease to be human simply because you are in a relationship. But, all the pretty girls in the world shouldn't matter a damn to your guy because he'd have you.

Good luck to you in finding him. For now, just learn to appreciate the awesome person that looks back at you from the mirror. Take it from a guy who knows. That is SO rewarding when you finally start to learn that.

And was this at a strip club? I am not condoning it, but context does help.

Contact Dr. DUGO on E-mail: dugo_d()yahoo.com, he has the spiritual charm to make everything right back for you. Trust me