Did he like me or was he pretending? And how to move on? Very confusing situation!
So I know this is a very lengthy, but it needed to include all the details to understand the situation fully! :)
It all started when i was living in america with a couple of my friends and he was a friend of one of them who was going to be coming down for 2 weeks. The moment i met him, he looked me straight into my eyes and told me it feels as though he's known me before, i was amazed because i also felt the same way about him, but i was so shy i didn't say it back. That day we all went to go experience flotation tanks, so we went to this place that did them there. But because we ran out of time me and one of our friends didn't get to go so J said that he wanted to give us both massages to make up for it.
Throughout the day J would keep mentioning how he wanted to give me a massage for making up for us not using the floatation tanks. That evening we were all having so much fun, i felt so happy and fell more and more in love with him by the minute. Two of my friends picked up i like him, so they asked me if i did, and i just went bright red with a big huge grin on my face i tried to hide it but didn't work XP and hid my face into a pillow! It felt like just when you a child and you really really liked someone you get all red and embarrassed when someone mentions you like them, it just felt so pure, so innocent and so true! I never felt this way about someone since i was a child back when it felt so pure and so true!
So later that evening he told me to come to the RV, where he was staying whilst he was here so he could give me the massage. We hung out for a bit first then I took off my clothes apart from my underwear so he could give me a full body massage. Whilst he was massaging me he would gently kiss me on my back and neck, and then asked if it was all right for him to kiss me, and i said yeah. Then he asked me if it was all right for him to kiss me anywhere he wanted, so i said yes!! So he gave me a kiss on the lips :) Throughout that night apart from the massaging we would also be smiling, staring into each others eyes, holding hands, giggling telling me i was silly, and just little goofy things like that and also did a little bit more kissing. It was so magical, i never felt more whole, and so complete within myself, i was in such bliss! But we never did anything sexual, it was just feeling pure love for one another! He would tell me how he loved being around me and i said the same thing about him and how we wanted to spend more nights together like that.
It almost seemed unreal just like a love story in a fairy-tale. This is what i felt at the time, but the next day was a complete other story. He suddenly lost interest in me and started focusing on one of my friends!! I was so confused. This really just shattered me so such , but the previous night i spent with him was so strong i just kept telling myself otherwise. Pretending like him flirting with my friend wasn't really anything and tried to ignore it. He wanted to spend another night with me, so i just focused on that looking forward to that. That night he mentioned how he wanted to spend another night with me, but somehow it didn't happen he just went straight to the RV and didn't say anything else. I mean i could of knocked on or something but i was just in so much shock and hurt and i didn't want him to think i was gonna bother him or something. The next night after that he managed to get both me and my friend to go in the RV with him, to cuddle with both of us whilst we watched a film. Now i am not usually used to sharing intimacy with more then one person, but this time was different. I felt so in love with him i didn't care but what i did care about was the entire time he just spend focusing on my friend, would lean on her more, cuddle with her more, kiss her more, it was just so obvious he was into her more. I had to keep myself from exploding in rage it was so hard not to, but i somehow manged to. It just felt like i was invading both there space the entire time, I felt so left out.
I didn't know what to do, i was so confused, things have never been more confusing in my entire life!! What is going on, did he like me or not? The first day seems obvious he liked me but the rest of the time, it seemed like he was just pretending. its so confusing. For the rest of the week i just kept bursting into tears and i barely ate a thing, and barely slept. It was such a horrible feeling i just wanted to be swallowed up by the earth. I would also out-burst into rage when i was alone. I felt ashamed when i was like that, but now i know i should of spoken openly to everyone about it, especially my friend, because she had no idea, i made it seem like it was harmless fun we were having.
I just need some clarification. Even to this day im still so in love with him, and its been 4 months, i have tried everything to forget about him, from focusing on other guys, so distracting myself with hobbies and seeing friends, being really strict on myself to not even think about him! But nothing seems to work, I even have dreams about him at least once each week. Im not obsessing either, that's when you purposely think of the person all the time, but im not. I'm trying my damn hardest to move on! For a little while it will feel as though i have moved on, but then ill suddenly have a dream about him or see a picture or status of him on facebook and the feelings all come back fresh and strong again so i have to start all over again to forget about him, its so hard.
If anyone else has been in a similar situation, and how did you finally, truly move on? And what do you think about the whole situation? Did he like me at all or was he was just pretending? Its so confusing!
