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I'm quite unhappy and want to end my relationship.
I'm acutely conscious that I am about to deeply wound another person and am worried about how to go about it kindly.
No casual "just be honest but brutal" type responses please, I know that is the standard advice.
I suppose I'm just looking for some female guidance because she is quite fragile in some ways and I know that this will set her back a lot :(
Thanks for any input.
How long have you been two together?
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There is no pleasant way to break up. Breaking up is always painful but to string along someone you are no longer in love with is even more hurtful towards the end.
Just be honest and let her know exactly how you feel. There is no reason to sugar coat things because she might take it the wrong way.
It has to be honest but that doesn't mean it has to be brutal.
Whether it is brutal for HER is beyond your control.
Gently tell her that you two are not compatible (I assume this is the reason?). Perhaps it is that your lifestyles, personalities, directions in life, values are different. It's not your fault and it definitely isn't her fault. Tell her that sometimes, two people in life may be perfect but aren't perfect for one another.
She deserves some more detail but there is NO NEED to critique or go too in-depth. After all, you are here to end the relationship and as you state, kindly, so there's no point criticizing her about her flaws and make her feel worse. Thank her for the things she did for you, for being part of your life. Wish her well and tell her she deserves a relationship that yours couldn't be. Then, offer your friendship to her (but be prepared that she won't accept it).
Good luck!
Just be honest, and as soon as possible. That is the best anyone can do when they are breaking up with someone. It's one of the hardest things in life, to knowingly hurt someone you love. Just because your love for that person has changed and is no longer romantic or making you happy, it's still love and is hard to break off. Be kind and gentle with your honestly. She will be ok, you both will.