Struggling/Confused

Hi all,

Got a few issues I would like some advice and support on. Normally I am a very confident person and strog but recently I have been knocked about a bit. I need to be back on track.

I was with a girl for four years, she was older than me and my first real gf. We had a great relationship, our families were close, we had a lot of mutual friends and we had kids names etc picked. I supported her during a time of depression for 6 months and helped her through some very difficult times. As she helped and supported me too. We broke up a year ago, she said the age gap was too much, that was it. No signs, nothing. I was shattered but worked out I didn't need that. 8 weeks later she said sorry and that she didnt want to break up, it was just a test of me.

I didn't speak to her for 8 months post that and she called me and said can we talk. I said no. She sent me an email saying she doesn't think it's a good idea to talk anyway as I was a wonderful bf and she doesn't want to be reminded I will be the best thing she ever has and blew it.

I have a few girls interested in me, I have always had. My problem is I can't help but still love my ex. I know it is not what I want, I know I deserve better, I don't even want a relationship with her again. I just can't not think of her, every morning, every night. It isn't helping my self confidence....

Help or comments welcomed!!!!! Thanks.

Well you can carry on making the memories of her your best friend or you can make a conscious effort to change the subject of her when she pops into your head. There is no good reason to keep thinking about her, particularily if you know you won't be rekindling what you once had with her. FWIW, I don't blame you for not reconsidering. What kind of person breaks up with you just to test you? O.o

Try some aversion therapy, Magicman. Place a rubber band around your wrist and everytime she pops into your head, instead of playing that movie starring her, snap the rubber band and seriously change the channel to something more conducive to letting her go and getting to the stage of indifference to her.

You have options in the realm of female admirers... you're not seeing the beauty in any of them if you're focusing on someone you don't even want to be in a relationship with. No sense in that, right?

If she broke up with you (full stop) you should never get back with her. She used the testing you excuse as an excuse, that's what it sounds like. She was probably interested in another man and broke up with you to date him and failed.

Thanks for the advice. I do need to get a grip as such and stop thinking of her in a good way. I shouldn't forget the tears and despair to being broken up with by someone I did so much for and loved. Very true.

And yes, I did think there was someone else and it was just all an excuse. It obviously didn't work out for her. Thanks.