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I've been seeing this girl for a while now, and really like her. But she has a past that I don't respect in relation to her kissing a lot of boys that she had no feelings for. Unfortunately this past is always in my mind and I can't get rid of it. So shall I end me and her, or shall I live with the thoughts always in my head?
End it with her. Get your issues sorted out before you date someone else - unless you find a completely inexperienced girl that you are ok with.
Hah!
See this thread: [url]https://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/89983-guy-advice-girls-kiss-lot-random-guys.html[/url]
(In short, if you think she's a whore, then get rid of her. But don't express the reason out loud or feminists will castrate you.)
The life of [some] females is to be constantly approached by males for sex. As a result, they get used to the attention, they expect to be treated that way, and they accumulate vast sexual experience very quickly (which they will go out of their way to pretend they don't have). This is what you will be dealing with as you get older. You might as well get some experience sooner rather than later.
you have incongruent value systems and all roads lead to you being a prude.Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeSmith [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
O.P
Smarten up.
I know it's probably wrong that I judge her based on this, but I can't help the thoughts in my head
You can and will if you want a better life.Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeSmith [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Any advice how?
Plenty!! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeSmith [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'll start with the following: resist the urge to apply archetypal tautologies to your reasoning and instead begin with a blank-slate perspective which includes only objective facts which you can gather. An objective fact must be something that all people will agree is true. Identify objective facts only and then commence reasoning with basic/linear logic that isn't based on deontological ethics.
Whhahhhaaaaaa?
ok... so what I'm saying is your girl has a history of kissing boys she has no feelings for. Is this an objective fact? We are treating it as one in the context of this discussion. So that is a starting point for reasoning. First things, first, now.... we have to really consider the merit of this fact. Did she really not have feelings for them? So why the kissing? What I'm saying is you might not even have your facts straight in the first place.
Moving on, I will continue with this post under the assumption that post 1 demonstrates an objective fact - she has a history of kissing people she doesn't care for.
You do not like this about her. Why? what is the reason you don't like this? Is it based on a subjective system of rules and values/idealizations that you believe are applicable to real life or is there some inherent reason why she is immoral for having done this?
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If you are able to positively identify the source of this tautology to be your own subjective perceptions on 'how things ought to be', then you can also begin to examine other, alternative, perspectives that will yield a better outlook with more favorable results. If you can reconcile this new outlook with your personal ethos then you will have done exactly what I suggested you do: control your mind and make a positive change.
In other words: "smartening up," as another poster so eloquently put it.
Wow so confusing. It's the immoral bit I don't like. Yes I can almost certainly confirm she didn't have feelings for any of the boys at the time.
Ok one more try:Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeSmith [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Is it immoral because it is inherently immoral in its own right, or is it immoral according to a certain value system which proscribes some deeds as atrocities even if they are arguably virtuous?
WHY IS IT BAD?
Obviously it's my personal view that it's immoral. I would say you should save that sort of stuff for people you care about.
You need to find a girl with the same values as you do. There are certain things that are negotiable and non negotiable in every individual, for you, this seem to be a non negotiable in which you want a girl to value sex or sexual act as something to be of importance.
Don't conform to what society dictates to you. Listen to yourself and and go after what is important to you.
I'd have much the same to say to a woman who was upset that her boyfriend had kissed many. Can't see where feminism comes into the equation.Quote:
Originally Posted by KingZ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Because that very topic did come up, and all of the women here said he wasn't boyfriend material and not worth keeping around.Quote:
Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
So... if all the women in a given community agree on a given topic, it must mean that it's because of a feminist reason? o.O
Yes.
Oh, was that the guy who was boasting about having nailed 100+ women? My response to a boaster will be quite different to one who is discussing the past of a partner. I don't like boasters (male or female), so I like to take them down a peg or two.Quote:
Originally Posted by KingZ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Context is everything ;)
Right, but you need to have consistency. I tried to bring this up with everyone in some thread, but nobody wanted to address it.Quote:
Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
It doesn't matter whether or not they're boasting. If someone is more experienced than you in some way, do you have the right to end it without being told you have issues, like searock did above? And if not, at what point do you?
I'm consistent with taking down boasters a peg or two ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by KingZ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think one has the right to end a relationship for any reason. My caveat is that they don't make judgement calls on the partner's behaviour. For example, "you and I have quite different outlooks on relationships and it's not working for me" is very different to "she's immoral"
In this thread, I'm with Chinagirl. OP needs to find himself a conservative girlfriend. But I also think he needs to quit labeling his girlfriend's behaviour. Yes, they have different outlooks and this makes them incompatible, but his judgement calls just make him look like a dick.
His issues are his obsessing over her past, while refusing to acknowledge that he simply shouldn't be with her since it bothers him so much. It's dysfunctional. If he wants an inexperienced girl, he should be with an inexperienced girl. If he wants a more experienced girl, he needs to get over his obsession-over-her-past issues.
What the hell? The OP of this thread is so mild and rational! Look at this guy:Quote:
Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Look at that! He's openly admitting that he knows (thinks) it's wrong and he wants to change. What is it he wants to change, exactly?Quote:
I know it's probably wrong that I judge her based on this, but I can't help the thoughts in my head. Any advice how?
This is a perfectly reasonable, rational thought process. Is it so insane to think that you should reserve your body for those that you feel emotionally connected with?Quote:
I would say you should save that sort of stuff for people you care about.
God forbid it's a male that's fucked around a bit, because every woman on LF would chime in with "you're not relationship material" blah blah.
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If the OP is staying with her despite being bothered by her past, then yes, that's a problem and he should just end the relationship. No disagreement there.Quote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
However, I would reserve calling him a dick over his values. Actually, I'd even go so far as to say you can't even call him judgmental, necessarily. If a person who likes dogs wants to date another person that likes dogs, and will break up with a chick because she has previously owned a cat (that bitch!), then it's entirely his own discretion.
I didn't call him a dick. I said that using judgmental terms such as 'immoral' make him sound like a dick. There's a difference.
And yes, there's nothing wrong with him wanting someone who's compatible: I think it's his best course of action. It's just his judgement call which get my wick. FWIW, Michelle's judgement calls generate exactly the same response in me....so it's not a feminist thing.
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anyway, I have no interest debating this further. Will move on from this thread
The feminism comment was made in jest, btw.Quote:
Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yes break up with her. She deserves to be with someone who really, really wants her. Don't you think?Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeSmith [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
what judgement call? I wouldnt date someone who didnt share my values to begin with. I wouldnt stay with them having all those nagging doubts in my head. So my advice OP is to move on and find a girl who shares the same values/beliefs as you do. I am with a man who shares my views on intimacy (that you should care about those that you become sexually involved with) and it works for us
I got the impression he wanted to stay with her and overcome his own psychological block that is putting strain on his relationship.