how many times can someone hurt you?
I've already posted on here explaining the short version of the break up (its under chew me up or spit me out)....
today I seemed to reverse the month or so of no contact....i broke and seemed to do what seems like the only thing to do with an ex, besides wanting to kick them in the nuts.
He called and wanted to see how I was doing esp. since he knows i will be going away to school soon. He wanted to know if I could pick him up b/c he got me my 'birthday present'.
Before we always joked about getting a vibrator and I knew thats what it was...I don't really know why I went... in the past I was actually honry and just wanted to fool around, today when he implied this was what our visit was going to be I wasn't as attracted as I usually am, but I figured it would be just fooling around and that i could be more emotionally detached....
So we went out and....(use your imagination here)........ after he was like your probably right we should block and delet each other when u go back to school, I told him it wasn't something I was questioning and I already made up my mind that thats what I would be doing.........he said if thats the case he would really like to talk before I leave...
The thought of talking doesn't exactly sound appealing to me (yes for once I don't want to talk) I just feel like we've been over the same things way too many times, notthing changes, "he's confused thats why he's been treating me like how he has, he doesn't know want he wants, or who he is anymore" I've been hearing this for the last 2 years of our relationship he always talked alot about his dad leaving him and thats why he's afraid to completly trust and love someone, I thought by supporting him and sticking with him he'd realize not everyone will do that.......
I told one of my friends what had happened and she said she saw him with the other girl at the mall this week, they were holding hands and shopping together. It made me so angry to hear this, I know I shouldn't have done what I did but for some reason (probably b/c i said i don't want to be involved with you while your with her) I believed he wasn't with her anymore.
It makes me mad that he would let me have sex with him w/out knowing all the facts, and it hurts all over again to know that I spent 5 years trying to be there for him and support him and be loyal to him and he can turn around and give everything I wanted from him to someone else. As simple and sad as it is I would have liked for him to go to the mall with me when we were together, I would have liked for him to do anything with me (aside from having sex).
Thats all I am to him, and its more depressing that apparently thats my fault, I'd get mad when thats all we did or when he wouldn't go somewhere with me,
but do I really have to spend the rest of my life demanding ppl. to treat me right? It seems so depressing to think that I had a part in him treating me like shit.....
I don't know I"m just so upset right now, I don't want to talk to him before I leave or at least I don't want to have to hear what he has to say....I do have the urge to wrap up the vibrator (it wasn't used, we had the real thing) and send it back to him with a letter saying something like, "I don't want to talk about this anymore b/c I don't want to be with you, and it disgusts me that you could use and deceive ppl. like you have been all summer and i'd really want to add something that explains how stupid it is to judge which relationship you want to be in when all you do is have sex and I feel like he doesn't know me and I don't know him any more or at least the parts I do know I detest", or should I just send the vibrator back? or should I just try as hard as I can to ignore him for the next few days??????
