My First Girlfriend Broke Up With Me Today

Hey....I'm [19 m] my I guess ex ;( [18 f] broke up with me recently. She is/was....my first girlfriend and only love. And I don't know what to do, I don't want to die but I'm in so much pain. We met before she went to college and were together for a month before she left to go to college 12 hours away. It was hard but I loved her enough so the distance didn't matter. We would always have altercations and fight like children, and it got to the point where we "broke up" for a few days. But then she wanted to get back together. I basically had to convince her to get back and it worked, because I didn't think she really wanted it to be over,
Ever since then things were great, I realized my shortcomings and tried to never fight and let things go calmly. Yesterday we were both tired or something on the phone I don't remember, we were talking about but I said something stupid and it hurt her, it wasn't my intention to, I didn't realize it was bad until I said it. (Somewhere along the lines of "I've had fantasizes about sex with other girls when I was horny but I'd never do it, guys think about those things it doesn't mean anything" after that she said something and hung up. My friends explained how dumb it was and I apologized sincerely. She didn't answer, I assumed she was a bit mad but busy because her parents flew to see her. After a day of my feeling like absolute shit and feeling depressed (because I have really bad depression, and this made things worse" she messaged me saying I can't-do this anymore. We talked on the phone about it, but she wouldn't budge. She had a lot of problems like a lot. She was childish, stubborn, immature, not open to communicating, etc. But I loved her none the less and thought we could work on things to improve them. I kept saying it wasn't intentional and things were looking better since last time, I just slipped up once anymore, we're only human. She wasn't having any of this and wouldn't listen, I cried my eyes out asking her to let things work out. But she didn't and eventually hung up.

The only person I've ever loved so much just cut me out of her life. Just like this, my depression was always bad, but this is breaking me, I'm just crying like a little kid. I want things to work so badly. I don't like getting close to people or letting people in my life because I'm afraid of getting hurt. I would have never made something with her if I knew I'd be this distraught. I don't want to die, I'm not going to, but this pain hurts so much. She was busy a lot, but we always talked on the phone every day, in the end she said she can't anymore even though it was just one mishap. She says long distance killed her too and that she feels lonely. I don't understand, I felt that way too, but I would have waited as long as it takes to be with the person I love. After all this, it seems like all the words she said to me mean nothing, she never truly cared about me, loved me. She just wanted emotional support because she's very insecure and had no one when she went to college.

I just feel like I was toyed with, I gave her everything, my heart, my future, and she just threw me away like I was trash. I don't know how I can move on, especially with my mental crap I already have. She blocked me on snapchat but kept my number. She says it's over. I suggested that when you come back in 2 months for a week, we can hang out and revisit it the idea and she said "maybe". I don't know what the **** this means, should I wait around for her? Wil she comes back to me in a week or a day or a month like she always does? Or is this over forever. I can't imagine her being with someone else in that time, I'll break down. Will she move on like i'm nothing right away? Or when november rolls around will things work out again? She's very busy and hardly had any time for anything socially, so It's hard to imagine her with anyone else but I feel like she'll just start ****ing random guys or something, and that's what hurts the most, the fact that I don''t know the furute, or what. I just really need some advice, I'm so broken right now I can't think straight, or do anything productive, I don't want to sleep, or eat or do anything but cry. Any response or advice would help, sorry for being a whiny bitch in this long post. Thanks.

She is a whore anyways.

shutup nobody cares about your gf? anyway Peter A needs to be banned

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So let's review some admissions from Peter himself about his mistreatment of female social workers, shall we?

"Anyway, in more recent years, I lost two females due to accidentally crossing the thin line between a client and care worker. One was a Latino woman, from Spain. She was my 'key worker' and at first. she was really nice and had a good smile, nice personality and etc. They took the first lady off my team, for asking her on a date, then lied after promising me more shifts. This was after I was being used by the girlfriend I eventually found after nearly 7 years. So anyhow, they did give me one shift with her again but then started to lie and because I suspected this, I talked about her on Facebook once and they banned me from working with her."
Source: dealingwithdepression[DOT]co.uk/showthread.php?10472-My-heart-has-been-crushed-by-my-caregivers

So basically he asked out a professional care worker on a date inappropriately then started talking about her on social media, most likely berating her for turning him down even though she was only supposed to be there for him in a professional capacity. Just one quick example of Peter crossing the line with the opposite gender. Let's take a look at a few more gems.

"Around the same time period in late 2013, I had a crush on my key worker and then I leaked this out to a male worker I trusted. Well she was told this behind my back and then gave me a telling off one day once I slipped up, but before that she played games with me by saying she was moving to South America then later denied saying that."

You can see Peter's attention to focus on strange details here, talking more about being lied to about some small comment than the fact that he once again crossed the line with a female social worker, even going as far as revealing this to one of her coworkers who clearly reported it because of ethical concerns. Meanwhile, Peter is here believing he's been wronged and lied to even though he has a pattern of doing this to women, to the point where he was jailed and these companies won't send women to work with him any more at all.

"Months later, I went to jail for the first time in my life to be remanded before a court hearing after I contacted the women saying nasty things after at first being arrested for going nuts, after my ex key worker stood me up in front of others last July, and then I stalked one of the other women near her house in order to try to say sorry."

Hmm, the pattern and story is starting to emerge here.

"A few nights later, I was having a lunatic meltdown of sorts and contacted Joanna through her Facebook profile, telling her I wanted to have sex with a model from England. She said she would call the police, so I freaked out and went to her home, or rather, I went to hang around in her area. I told her a while back I got her address on 192.com and like Sara, she turned against me after having been sort of okay towards me for a long time. Since I emailed people my plan and I sounded suicidal, they got the police. Officers found me in the Granton area of Edinburgh just yards from her flat. They pretended to help me, then detained me for an interview, but later arrested me for stalking. I was bailed in court the next day, but then sent Sara similar messages and also made racist comments. I wound up arrested and remanded in prison for 2 weeks from 29 July up to 12 August. I was held in Saughton, in Edinburgh."
Source: wrongplanet[DOT]net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=268075

Wow! Some more admitted examples of this lunatic's way of thinking towards women. Remove this poster immediately so we can stop all of this.

"Just to clear up some stuff - I did not assault Joanna or Sara. That day I broke the bottle, I hit another support worker who was with Sara in the street and she made Sara leave. I took that as interfering, plus my mindset at the time was pure anger.

I really doubt I could carry on my support with that company as they all got some nasty emails and while they never responded, they probably think I was abusive. The reason I never gave up my flat sooner is because I know it would be 100% goodbye and I cannot stand people I care about being extracted from my life. Plus, flats like that are not easy to get into. The attraction nowadays is those female support workers.

I just wanted my life back, with all the support workers I love and miss back in place. It is different if they one day leave and nobody could stop them deciding this, but I live in fear of that because I just wanted to make things right in case I never get the opportunity to show it was all a misunderstanding that could have been talked through. Maybe if I had never confessed to anyone I had feelings for Sara or Joanna, then they may not have known as I would have done my best to ensure my feelings would never shine through and I could have kept them bottled up, as it would have been a smart and professional thing to do instead of blurting out how I felt which was relationship suicide for us. I feel I have a big mouth and who is the one left being the fool when the smoke has cleared? Not those women, the other workers or the man who blabbed, but me!"
Source: talkaboutmarriage[DOT]com/physical-mental-health-issues/232706-i-cannot-get-over-losing-my-support-workers-should-i-move-out-my-flat-4.html

Well, there you have it. He even broke a bottle out of anger when dealing with this issue. A strong, self-admitted outline of Peter's abusivebehavior toward women. He still believes he never wronged these women and that he's been mistreated by social workers, a judge, and everyone who's tried to intervene to help him in a professional capacity. We need him removed from advice forums like this so he can focus on his own mental health. This man should not be here giving love advice to anybody. I believe we have made our case here very clearly.

Remove Peter A (aka My Coffee Cup), the stalker and woman-abuser, so we can all carry on and hopefully he can get some help. He has refused to voluntarily stay off of the forum even after a ban. Time's up or relentless spamming shall ensue once more!