Cheating girlfriend

Printable View

18-02-11, 04:42 AM
MrHoosier

Cheating girlfriend

My current girlfriend and I have been dating exclusively for about 6 months. Starting in late November, early December, things took a turn for the worse with us. We weren't communicating well and I could just sense that something was upsetting her. It was during this time that I began to suspect she may be cheating on me. She eventually confronted me about being neglectful (which I admit is somewhat accurate). We had a long conversation about it, and decided to push through this tough period and give it another try. The last 2-3 months after this have been amazing. We spend the majority of our time together and were getting along great, however in the back of my mind I always had the question whether or not she was unfaithful. So I looked through her text messages, and found out that during our rough patch she was cheating on me with her ex. We had a discussion about it, and she said it was a mistake, and at the time she believed we were about to break up. This, of course, does not excuse her behavior, and she recognized that, just filling in some context from her side. She was completely remorseful, said she would do anything to make it right, even never talking to her ex ever again. The way I viewed the relationship (and still do) is that during this rough patch when she believed we were about to end, she cheated on me, and once she decided she wanted to be with me the cheating stopped (the text messages support this hypothesis and this was her timeline she independently described to me after being confronted). So while I was crushed, and am still dealing with my feelings from the situation, I believe that what we have now is more important than the mistake 2-3 months ago. Our current struggle is that she is upset with me for initially going through her messages. This is a sentiment I can understand, however in this case I think it is a little pathetic to make an issue over an invasion of privacy, when my heart was broken because she cheated on me. My suspicions were confirmed after all, and while I am not proud of the action itself, looking back it seemed necessary to find the truth. Thoughts? Am I in the wrong here?
18-02-11, 04:57 AM
VincenzoG91

The way to deal with serious issues in a relationship is to talk about them with each other, not complicate everything by getting another person involved. She's a cheater, and you probably won't be able to trust her again, especially since she is trying to change this into a privacy issue. Also, she probably suffers from low self-esteem if she can't handle being alone for a while without finding some dude to keep her bed warm. Given that this relationship only lasted three months before going seriously wrong, I don't think she is worth the trouble. Dump her.
18-02-11, 05:24 AM
MrHoosier

I'm not making an excuse for her behavior. It was completely wrong, however over the last few months we have turned over a new leaf, and as this happened before that turning point, I judge it less harshly than I normally would. Make no mistake, if this happened a week ago, she would be gone. My concern is that she is trying to turn this around on me and play a red herring with the privacy issue. I didn't compulsively go through her messages every other day or something. The decision to do so took a lot of time, but I decided I had to know. In an ideal world I wouldn't have to resort to this breach of trust, but it was just too big if it was true.
18-02-11, 05:41 AM
VincenzoG91

The problem is going forward if she maintains that this was a privacy issue. She will continue to believe that her sneaky behavior is okay and that your concerns aren't valid. For the two of you to repair the trust, she will need to be open and honest with you, and tolerate your occasional doubts.
18-02-11, 09:58 AM
xxazurexx

Quote:

Our current struggle is that she is upset with me for initially going through her messages. This is a sentiment I can understand, however in this case I think it is a little pathetic to make an issue over an invasion of privacy, when my heart was broken because she cheated on me. My suspicions were confirmed after all, and while I am not proud of the action itself, looking back it seemed necessary to find the truth. Thoughts? Am I in the wrong here?

Yeah she will be pissed....I mean she had something to hide and didn't want you to know about it.

She would seem to be more pissed by the fact her little affair with the ex was discovered....rather than the be sorry for the fact she cheated on you and left you broken hearted. And which is why she makes a bigger deal of her 'privacy'...

I'd ditch her arse to be honest. The trust is completely gone now and you will be forever checking up on her. Is that the kind of relationship you want?
18-02-11, 10:31 AM
IncognitoSir

Once again, she's ONLY sorry that she got caught, NOT sorry of the fact that it happened in the first place. Notice you only got an apology after you let her know that you were aware of her cheating ways. I'd get rid of her. Make her break it off with her ex first though, then dump her.
18-02-11, 10:52 AM
sweetkissesforu

Once a cheat always a cheat dump her
19-02-11, 10:38 AM
nims

Some people believe relationships can survive cheating, some don't. Do you? If you do, is it worth taking a chance here?

It really doesn't matter how genuinely remorseful she is (giving her the benefit of the doubt). She did what she did and you found out about it, she did not come to you. Not to mention, she had several months time to think about it! Doesn't this strike you as wrong? Although I understand your reasoning, I don't care if she stopped when things got better.

She is a dishonest person.
19-02-11, 10:45 AM
sweetkissesforu

Quote:

Originally Posted by nims [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Some people believe relationships can survive cheating, some don't. Do you? If you do, is it worth taking a chance here?

It really doesn't matter how genuinely remorseful she is (giving her the benefit of the doubt). She did what she did and you found out about it, she did not come to you. Not to mention, she had several months time to think about it! Doesn't this strike you as wrong? Although I understand your reasoning, I don't care if she stopped when things got better.

She is a dishonest person.

[url=http://www.howtodothings.com/family-relationships/how-to-help-your-relationship-survive-cheating]How To Help Your Relationship Survive Cheating | How To Do Things[/url]