chew me up or spit me out!
i've never posted on here but have been reading others ppl's posts for the last few months and its really been a place of comfort.......
I can't really say when i broke up with my ex, that along with so many other things hasn't exactly been very clear....
to make a long story very short my ex cheated on me, he came home for the summer and we ended up spending the whole summer being together while he was still w/the girl he basically left me for......he gave me a reason of why he couldn't break up with her (that i believed at the time), but thinking back on it now i really didn't care what the reason was...as long as what was happening could take away some of the betrayal and rejection i was happy.
But eventually that wasn't enough to keep me happy, i need to be acknowledged as more then late night booty calls.
His grandma got became very ill and passed away shortly after, they were really close and i tried not to put anymore pressure on him........
i tried giving him space but he still wanted me there, and he still wanted the other girl there, i couldn't deal with it without flipping out at him everytime we saw one another....he started getting frustrated with me, every time i was upset he would just run to her, it feels like he was choosing her b/c she was happy all the time, she didn't give him shit all the time, it feels like he made a decision about who to be with when i wasn't able to be myself, she never knew about us, she could just be a source of comfort........
he keeps coming into my life when he thinks i've completly left to say he misses me and wants to be with me then when he has me he's confused.
i told him i couldn't do it anymore, i did the no contact thing for almost 2 months, i unblocked him for some reason and he would msg me everytime i came online, then i realized this was soo stupid, things aren't different.... i sent him an email saying 'when i go to school i'm blocking and deleting you, and this time i really think we need to stay away from each other'............he wrote back saying i hope everything is going well and i think thats a good idea........this was a very short version
i know it should have ended a long time ago, i know i don't want this anymore, i shouldn't even give him any of of my time b/c of how he's treated me, but it just hurt so much to read that, its just so sad to know its really over, its just so sad to know you could be with someone for 5 years and they could keep putting someone else's needs ahead of all of yours evn tho. they keep claiming they'll never love anyone the way they love you, its so sad that you could give someone all of yourself and wait patiently for them and then they could just turn around and give themselves so freely to someone else...EVERYTHING you have waited for, its so sad that i can't just hate him or dislike him after all this, its so sad that i have to send him emails saying i'm sorry you had to go through this, its so sad that when he calls me i have the need to comfort him, i feel more rejected, betrayed, and worthless then i did at the start of all this....its so sad that this betrayal and rejection had to come from the one person i loved the most...and sorry for writting its 'so sad' so many times, and the weird subject line its late!
