Academia trouble

Hello,

I'm going to list a few instances and encounters and let you all decide:

It's between a professor of mine and myself (such a classic) except I know that these types of things are unrealistic and that my feelings are, or so I thought, were unreciprocated.

I was in class a few weeks ago when my friend made a comment about me being "so extra" about school. Basically, because I try hard and make good grades, she thinks I'm extra. My other friends tried to tell her off, but their comment made it sound like I have a huge crush on my professor. While I do have a crush on my professor, and while I do try had in the class, I don't believe those two things are correlated. I think that it helps to have a crush on the professor, but I also try hard because I want my Ph.D. in that exact focus, so it would be quite wasteful and silly of me not to get the most of out classes that will help me in graduate school (right?). However, it was too late to explain any of this, so I let the situation slide by.

Later in this same class, we were skyping the author of the book we had to have read for that day. When someone was talking to the author, I was glancing at the board to review the questions we were supposed to ask. I noticed someone staring at me from my peripheral, and when I turned to look who it was, I found my professor to be staring intently at me. Being the awkward individual I am, I quickly, but calmly, continued turning my head to make it seem like I was just scanning.

After this class, I have had several group meetings with this professor and my research group about our project. When the professor is going over things with us (theres 4 students in this group including myself) the professor will only look at my 3 group members unless I ask a direct question, then they will look me in the eyes. BUT, when they say something that I find amusing and when I smile accordingly, the professor laughed and said, "Right...." as a comment to me acknowledging their joke. Which doesn't make sense to me... Why laugh with me, but avoid eye contact unless absolutely necessary?

There have been other small instances. The professor leans towards (at least before the awkward encounter) me when in individual group meetings, I've noticed they glance at me a lot in class (I.e., they'll glance all over the room, but I noticed them allowing their eyes to fall on me quite frequently), laugh at things I say that are not funny in the slightest, they have combed their fingers through their hair while talking with me, etc. It might also be me, but you know the feelings you have when you can't help but feel like the other person finds you every bit as attractive as you find them? There's just a connection? I, personally, think that's there, but that could also just be wishful thinking and me allowing my mind to imagine things...

Essentially, I don't understand by a 40 year old professor is unable to handle a comment from OTHER students about another's supposed crush on them; yet me, the 20 year old, can function and carry on in everyday conversation... Please help me break this down, I feel so uncomfortable in class and am considering withdrawing from the course.


Thanks!
-F