How to solve/handle this disagreement?

My partner and I are having quite a strange disagreement, it seems like a silly petty fight to close friend who i have told. Maybe it is, but it is really getting on my nerves.
I wanted to come here and ask what someone elses opinions or if anyone has any advice it would be great..

So i really love men with a decent amount of hair. Its my preference, i am actually really turned off by a man with no pubic hair, chest hair etc.. My partner has the perfect amount, we have talked about how much i love how he looks and how much i would dislike it if he shaved.
Well 2 days ago, he shaved everything off. Pubes, ass, stomach, chest. He took his clothes off before telling me and i was honestly kind of shocked. I reacted in the wrong way, i know i did. I asked him why he would do that when he knows exactly how much of a turn off for me it is.. I also asked if it was for someone else.. Wrong way to react i know.

We were discussing it, i said i still love him and are attracted to him, but i just didnt understand why he would shave when he knew i didnt like it..
I used an example of me, he dislikes bigger girls, i would say im pretty average. 5'3 115lbs. I asked how he would feel if i purposely put on weight knowing he would dislike it.. His answer was.. 'You are not skinny'.
I was so hurt by this, i worked my ass off to get to my weight i am after having my daughter. I was beginning to feel sexy around him and now i feel like a fat pig..

Now we are both hurt, i am upset with him and feeling stubborn about it all after his remark... I was trying to say i loved him just how he is, i felt he was saying he wants me to change.

I am not sure how to take this, its making me angry to be honest and it feels stupid that it has all started over some shaved pubes.
Any advice? Thanks for listening.

First off, he said that you were not skinny. He didn't say you were fat. That is how you were interpreting it. Maybe he thought you were saying you were skinny and he was trying to say that you were just the right size but it came out wrong. That is possible.

But as for the shaving everything off, I guess I don't really understand why he would want to do that. Yes, he knows your preference, but I don't think he necessarily was thinking about you when he did it. Personally, I would not be surprised if he did it for someone else, because that is really a drastic behavior. But that other person might be him. Think about who tends to shave their chest - bodybuilders, professional wrestlers, etc. People who want other people to look at them and at their physiques. It is a bit of a narcissistic behavior and narcissistic behavior is normally not very good for a relationship with someone else.

As for the shaving his pubes, unless he is planning on starring in some adult entertainment, I am not really understanding why he would do that. Why did he tell you he did it?

By the way, all of this advice changes if he is a teenager. He might have shaved everything just because everything is still new and confusing and he was curious. Puberty does that to people.

Good luck.

Thanks for the reply, we are both 21 years old. I have had gotten an inclin before that he is very selfish.. Just some of the things he does, is always thinking about himself in a way... But i overlooked it, thinking it was possibly all mens behaviour. lol
I did maybe take his statement in the wrong way, he apologised for it but i just couldnt shake the upset feeling i got, i teared up when he said that and he acted really apologetic.. But now it is always on my mind. Things that never bothered me before, watching porn, looking at nude mags etc.. Now are really bothering me and i feel ugly to him.

As for the shaving, i just cannot get my head around why on earth he would do it.. He literally took EVERYTHING off. It was shocking to say the least when he pulled down his pants..
We bought an electric shaver for his head/face so he could touch up himself without me putting the clippers to it every other week.. He said he was just touching up and grooming, when he went too far and when he had shaved abit, he had to keep going as it was looking uneven and silly.. To the point when everything was off.
I dont know if it was for someone else.. I am 100% sure he isnt cheating, but i have the worry he might be planning on doing so... I just dont understand it..

Where should i go from here? If i try to talk to him about it, he gets defensive and pissed off. Saying its stupid we have to even talk about it and i should love how he looks, hair or not. Which i agree with. But I know i keep myself exactly how he likes me.. Blonde hair, nice weight, tanned, nails done.. I dont understand why he would go against my preferences.. I dont know how to feel better about myself after what he said... And i dislike the worry that i have about his strange behaviour :(

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As for the shaving, i just cannot get my head around why on earth he would do it.. He literally took EVERYTHING off. It was shocking to say the least when he pulled down his pants..

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His reply:

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He said he was just touching up and grooming, when he went too far and when he had shaved abit, he had to keep going as it was looking uneven and silly..

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He told you why he shaved it all off: WTF don't you believe him? You're making a mountain out of a mole hill and your causing YOURSELF to hang onto a totally negative emotional response when you don't have to. You're making your rude remark to him about you and your insecurity and indignation is probably exactly what he wanted to accomplish because you hurt his feelings he wanted to get you back and let you know how your words can hurt just as much as his can... Immature on both your parts. Now, forget it. He didn't say you were fat. Everything you're conjuring up in your head over that remark is your own thoughts (not his). Stop reacting with so much unnecessary drama. Don't give it another thought and remember that his bush will grow back soon enough. Drama, drama, drama.. blech!

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

His reply:

He told you why he shaved it all off: WTF don't you believe him? You're making a mountain out of a mole hill and your causing YOURSELF to hang onto a totally negative emotional response when you don't have to. You're making your rude remark to him about you and your insecurity and indignation is probably exactly what he wanted to accomplish because you hurt his feelings he wanted to get you back and let you know how your words can hurt just as much as his can... Immature on both your parts. Now, forget it. He didn't say you were fat. Everything you're conjuring up in your head over that remark is your own thoughts (not his). Stop reacting with so much unnecessary drama. Don't give it another thought and remember that his bush will grow back soon enough. Drama, drama, drama.. blech!

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Thankyou for the reply, this is what i was fearing. I did think i was making something out of nothing.. But it doesnt feel that way.. That was his reply and answer he gave me.. But other things he said made me think otherwise. He said he doesnt want it to grow back and is going to keep it all off whether i like it or not, that its the way he wants it no matter what i think about it.

I know it does sound silly of me.. But we have problems in our relationship, one of the things that i absolutely loved about him and made up for all the bad, is that he always wanted to please me. He always made a big deal of doing things to make me happy, striving to do things i liked.
It just feels like all that is changing, like he doesnt care what i like or dont anymore.. Yet i feel i do everything he wants because i strive to make him happier..
I dont know. Maybe its just stupid.

You're a selfish bitch, and just really stupid to boot. SMH.


Eat glass.

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You're a selfish bitch, and just really stupid to boot. SMH.


Eat glass.

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lol Thanks. I wish i was harsh enough to earn the title bitch. Because believe me, sadly im not.
I do everything i can to keep my man happy, i compromise everything so we are both happy with the choices we make. It would just be nice to get something in return. Thanks for your lovely comment though.

Im sorry.. i just need someone to go to for help... I have so many things i want to know how to handle my relationship.. How to communicate in the best possible way to him so we dont take things in the wrong way etc.. My relationship is is turmoil and i dont know what to do about it anymore..
Its not really about the shaving that is my problem.. Its the fact i feel like im doing everything for us.. and he isnt making an effort. :(

Sorry.. I just dont know where else to turn but you guys.. Most of you always give great answers.

How long have you been together?

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Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How long have you been together?

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Around 2 and a half years now.

Ok, so you're feeling all the problems starting to ball up and come out as small conflicts. Have you sat down and had the old "State of the Union"? Aired out that you have some concerns with things, find out what his issues are, and take steps to correct them together?

Communication is the first step, you need to relay that there are problems deeper than the current conflict.

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Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ok, so you're feeling all the problems starting to ball up and come out as small conflicts. Have you sat down and had the old "State of the Union"? Aired out that you have some concerns with things, find out what his issues are, and take steps to correct them together?

Communication is the first step, you need to relay that there are problems deeper than the current conflict.

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This is what i desperately want.. I want to talk to him, find out what he feels and wants. I know he has problems concerning our relationship, i know he is starting to act unhappy. I am too.. I desperately want him to know how i feel and what i mean when i say things.. But anytime i want to talk, he doesnt want to discuss anything. I try my best to bring things up in the happiest manner, but he says i am just bringing unnessasary things up when we are over the arguement. I will try by starting off with admitting what i do wrong and asking how he would like me to fix it, but he shrugs everything off.. :(

I try bring it up when we are getting along, he says there is no point dragging problems up for no reasons. When i try when we are moody with each other, he says he doesnt want to talk to me. I feel lost for what to do.. I feel like he is being unfair and selfish.. Sometimes i feel like things are only okay in our relationship because i do EVERYTHING he wants..

Like, i wonder maybe i am just not communicating in the right way.. or is it him just being plan unfair and nasty. Im lost TBH.

Takes two to tango. But when it comes to communicating what you feel, don't take "no" as an answer. If this fails, resort to female trickery, take him somewhere where you're alone and talk to him.

If he still won't talk to you about your issues, then you're left with:

a) Couples Counselling
b) Leaving him

Option A is better, but if its clear the road is getting rockier and rockier, and he doesn't want to help smooth it over with you, then B will happen, one way or the other.

You are'nt communicating in the right way. Instead of asking him what he wants you to do to make things better, why don't you tell him how you're feeling instead. Use lots of "I" words and avoid "you" words that will just put him on the defensive and make him shut down. Don't let him dismiss you anymore. Don't take on all the responsibility for the discontent but don't put all the blame on him either.

You didn't mention that he said he wasn't going to grow himself back in until you were prompted. Why would you need to be pushed before revealing that direct stubborness from him. You only revealed that when you were called out on your behaviour so you're not communicated very well to us either. He told you why he did it and I think he just reacts negatively to your reaction. Don't take everything so seriously and try to infuse a bit of humour in your disapproval of his manniquin like appearance. A: "whoa, hello baldy, what have you done?" with a giggle would have gone over a lot better than: "What the hell is that and why did you do than when you know I hate it?" Ya see? I find when a guy won't communicate then you have to strategize it outta him. ;)

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I find when a guy won't communicate then you have to strategize it outta him. ;)

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The technical term is "Female Trickery".

Thankyou so much for your help. I admit, i dont know how to communicate too well, my dad used to tell me that all the time. I find myself shutting down easily too if i dont feel like i am being heard or unfairly treated.

But with him, i feel i DO try everything. I usually do say how i feel when he acts a certain way.. I will say something like "Babe, i just feel hurt and unnapreciated when you ___.. I wish that sometimes you would just ___" His response will ALWAYS be "Babe, you are just been so stupid, you need to smarten up.. Or Babe, i love you dont be silly".
Then il act all cute and innocent and loving, he responds much better to this way. Il sit on him, kiss his face and kind of as you say try to strategize my way through to getting him to talk to me. But as soon as talking starts he pushes me away.

Il keep trying then it just goes in the way of me shutting down and acting pissy, then he will be mad at me for that.. its like a vicious circle its just so frustrating!!
He would never consider couples therapy, he says it is for married couples..

I always get the feeling he just doesnt care about us. He seriously does act that way, but if i ever try to leave or say i have had enough he will beg me back and tell me how much he loves me and cares about me and will work to make us work. But it never sticks..

After i posted this today, we ended up having a big blow up too.. Things just are really bad between us right now and i dont know how to fix it :( I feel like i am doing it on my own. He just thinks he is in the right and has nothing to talk about..

Oh and when i did see it the first time. I was shocked, but we did have a good laugh about it, kissed abit i had a look around ;) It wasnt a big deal until he said the things he did.. He just came out with.. "Im keeping it like this though babe.." So it kinda seemed to me like it wasnt the mistake he had made it out to be.. Ugh

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But with him, i feel i DO try everything. I usually do say how i feel when he acts a certain way.. I will say something like "Babe, i just feel hurt and unnapreciated when you ___.. I wish that sometimes you would just ___"

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That ^^^ is just a disguised "You" statement.

Read this link (courtesy of Heartisaching): ~ [url=http://www.healthyliving.org/hpc/Articles/IStatements.html]I-Statements[/url]

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I always get the feeling he just doesnt care about us. He seriously does act that way, but if i ever try to leave or say i have had enough he will beg me back and tell me how much he loves me and cares about me and will work to make us work. But it never sticks..

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Then, You need to effectively communicate to him that you will not tolerate the dysfunction any longer and that things need to change or you're not going to stick around to be unhappy all the time.

You guys sound young, this is likely not going to be your last relationship so if you're not happy with him then leave and read some literature on how to communicate or, chill and read it while you're still in the relationship and learn while within. Just know what you want and if it's too much to bear his indifference then say ciao, grieve the end of the relationship and when you're healed, pick someone who you can reason with.

[

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Originally Posted by HereComesTheSun [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh and when i did see it the first time. I was shocked, but we did have a good laugh about it, kissed abit i had a look around ;) It wasnt a big deal until he said the things he did.. He just came out with.. "Im keeping it like this though babe.." So it kinda seemed to me like it wasnt the mistake he had made it out to be.. Ugh

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There you go changing your story yet again.

Good luck, read books on how to resolve conflict and the art of communication and if it doesn't work with him you'll be all that more educated with the next one.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That ^^^ is just a disguised "You" statement.

Read this link (courtesy of Heartisaching): ~ [url=http://www.healthyliving.org/hpc/Articles/IStatements.html]I-Statements[/url]

Then, You need to effectively communicate to him that you will not tolerate the dysfunction any longer and that things need to change or you're not going to stick around to be unhappy all the time.

You guys sound young, this is likely not going to be your last relationship so if you're not happy with him then leave and read some literature on how to communicate or, chill and read it while you're still in the relationship and learn while within. Just know what you want and if it's too much to bear his indifference then say ciao, grieve the end of the relationship and when you're healed, pick someone who you can reason with.

[
There you go changing your story yet again.

Good luck, read books on how to resolve conflict and the art of communication and if it doesn't work with him you'll be all that more educated with the next one.

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lol I just added that because when i read over it, it just seemed like i freaked out about it..Which i really didnt at first. But i reacted in the wrong way when he mentioned thats how he wanted his body to be..

And thankyou so much for that link, that is so helpful! I see what you mean about the disguised 'you' statements, i thought i was doing well at trying to communicate.. Damn. lol But thanks for clearing that up, i am definitely going to practise this with him and even just talk to him about trying to communicate together so we can improve and not get ourselves upset like we do.
I also think that he doesnt take me seriously, which is completely my fault. We have had so many arguments and me saying if u dont change im leaving and then me not left.. Which is why i am scared he wont listen now.. But then i wont be able to go back on my word..if that makes sense..
I am going to try my hardest, because we do get along well other than our disagreements like this. Thankyou SO much.

@OP, both of you are still relatively young and your tastes, preferences will continue to evolve. Just because he did everything to please you in the past does not mean he will necessarily continue to do so. But it may not be a bad thing cos he needs to be comfortable with who he is, what he is etc and not just be doing things to please you.

So, if you want this relationship to last, you need to be prepared for changes as long as it is not something that is destructive to the relationship. After a while, he will probably get sick of being a 'baldy' and return to his original state. If he doesn't, so what ? is it something worth breaking up over ? That, you have to decide. :)

Why don't you just try to be positive. Tell him what you like. "I like it when...". At odd moments. Not in a 'talk' as such, just passing mentions/praise of what he is doing. Ignore the negative for the time. Give him some positive reinforcement. It strikes me that you are all about what he is doing that is wrong for you and you are doing everything for him. Have you considered the pressure this would put on him. Perfection is unattainable and it is pointless to try and foist that need on someone else.

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Originally Posted by HereComesTheSun [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i just didnt understand why he would shave when he knew i didnt like it..

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Because he likes to hurt you and make you feel small and worthless and unimportant? It's pretty obvious, I think. Remember how he shoves, hits, and bites you, among other things? It's a continuation of that. So was his "you're not skinny" comment. I don't think there's anything else to it. Why do you think it's anything other than that?

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Originally Posted by MerryH [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Because he likes to hurt you and make you feel small and worthless and unimportant? It's pretty obvious, I think. Remember how he shoves, hits, and bites you, among other things? It's a continuation of that. So was his "you're not skinny" comment. I don't think there's anything else to it. Why do you think it's anything other than that?

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This is what i worried it could be about... But we came so far from that horrible situation we were in, we havnt fought like that in a long time and he hasnt done anything to that extreme since i used to come on here. I kind of worried this could be some of his anger and resentment surfacing again and worry that it could return to our old ways. I have tried SO hard to make things better, and for a long time it was perfect again like we first were.. But now i feel like the only reason we are okay again is because i do everything his way and how he wants it..
I kind of feel we could very well slip down that road we were once stuck in. As right now, i feel greatly unnapreciated.. After coming on here last time, i became more independant than i had ever been. I got a better paying job, got my own place, driving license and car. Now i sometimes feel like he is using me in a sense. Which is what i mean when i say i do everything for him. I take him to work, pick him up, take him anywhere he needs to go..And all i want from him is appreciation.
I guess i had been feeling like this for a while then this particular situation got me worried so i came here.

I know lots of people will just say leave him, which is maybe what i should be doing.. But it just doesnt feel in my heart the right thing to do.

^^^ well, that's a whole nuther ball game now isn't it.

If he has a history of abusing you physically then I have to say that perhaps he's graduated to only verbally, mentally and emotionally abusing you. No one can convince you to leave him if you're not ready but I will tell you that it's hardly a happy union if you're the only one who ever puts in any effort and you're walking on egg shells ALL of the time to keep the thing together.

Think hard on this. Do you want to do what you do and go through what you go through for the rest of your life? Do you want a father to your children that will consider it your job to do EVERYTHING that it takes to raise happy, healthy, well adjusted children while he also expects you to do everything to keep him happy as well. What about you? Who makes sure you're being loved and appreciated and equally valued?

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After coming on here last time, i became more independant than i had ever been. I got a better paying job, got my own place, driving license and car.

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Well done. Now, tell him something like this: "I feel under appreciated and feel I have to try all the time when this should be easy peasy while we both feel loved." If he doesn't come around to wanting to please you, then think hard whether or not you can do what you're doing now ~ forever.

Good luck in getting him to stop being so self absorbed. Start by stopping being a martyr to him.

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Originally Posted by HereComesTheSun [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But now i feel like the only reason we are okay again is because i do everything his way and how he wants it..

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Yeah, you're probably right. You avoid being abused by not ever doing anything "wrong" or having your own opinion, and just acting the way he wants you to act. Do you think this is healthy? Is this good for you?

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I know lots of people will just say leave him, which is maybe what i should be doing.. But it just doesnt feel in my heart the right thing to do.

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Count me as one of those people who say just leave him. If leaving him doesn't feel right in your heart, then maybe your heart is wrong in this case. Seriously, hearts can make really stupid decisions. Hearts have no common sense. They are basically retarded. Your brain is a better judge. Use your brain.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

nuther

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"Nuther" is not a word.

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Originally Posted by MerryH [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

"Nuther" is not a word.

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Who Fvcking cares.......you get the point, you meat head. Get a life

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Originally Posted by MerryH [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

. Use your brain.

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Practice what you preach....shweeetheart.

Thanks for all the advice, it is greatly appreciated.

I thought long and hard about the advice i received here, i see that shouldnt be doing everything the way he wants it.. My best friend is always preaching about how i shouldnt be a pushover to him.. At first i didnt see it like that. He doesnt drive, he lost his license due to a DUI. When i passed my test and got my car, he was upset and thought i was going to leave him and start a new life. I promised him this wasnt the case and that it would be good for us, i could get him to work and save us a lot of money, be able to see him more often as i could pick him up etc...
It has gotten to the point of me stringing myself trying to get him places.. Making myself late to work, stopping the things i need to do to pick him up, taking him and his roomate to places they need to be etc.. I didnt care at first but all i wanted was appreciation. We were good for a while. but now i feel he is using me.. He doesnt come to visit me until about 10.30 at night then just wants to go to bed, then wants a ride to work in the morning. Thats all i see of him lately.

I was thinking about it and invited him over last night to watch a movie. He said he would be over at 7, to see my daughter before she went to bed and to watch a movie. When i asked him, he asked if he could get a ride in the morning. I said, maybe not this time, it was a pain in the ass and made me late. So he said okay i understand. I was happy about it and would have probably given him a ride when it came to it.
It gets to 9pm, i call and ask where he was. He said he was chilling out, so i asked if he was coming to see me and he asked if i would give him a ride.. So i said no. And he replied that he wasnt going to make it.

It hurt, it always seems like unless he gets something out of seeing me, that he wont come see me. So i told him not to bother and hung up. He ended up walking over and showing up unexpected, i was pretty happy about it and we ended up having a good night. This morning he woke up in a mood, he said he couldnt believe i was making him get a cab and it was nice to see how much i cared. I told him that i felt used lately, like he didnt want to see me unless he got a ride. He got angry at me and told me to f*ck off. Said what was the point in the relationship when thats how i felt.. So i tried to explain if he just acted in a way i wouldnt feel like that i would be more obliged to give him rides etc.

He left, and i got a text message straight away saying 'This isnt how a relationship should be, we might as well just split so please dont talk to me again x'.
I feel bad for not taking him to work :( but now i feel even more like he is just using me.. And now i have shown a little bit of resistance to his orders that he doesnt want to be with me.. Ugh I dont know why he has to be like this :(

Sorry for babbling.. I just dont know what to think anymore, if i am over reacting or what is going on..

Well, he's just proved to you that the only value he has for you is what you can do for him. Let him sit on the back boiler for a while while he gets a cab to work every single day and maybe he'll appreciate how good you were to him and stop taking you for granted.

Why do you want him in your life Herecomesthesun? What loving actions does he show you that would prove that he is worth wanting to be with? Why do you want him? Why do you think it's okay for your daughter to see you upset and catering to the ungrateful whims of an asshole?

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Originally Posted by MerryH [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

"Nuther" is not a word.

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Thank you Captain Obvious!

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I will say something like "Babe, i just feel hurt and unnapreciated when you ___.. I wish that sometimes you would just ___" His response will ALWAYS be "Babe, you are just been so stupid, you need to smarten up.. Or Babe, i love you dont be silly".
Then il act all cute and innocent and loving, he responds much better to this way. Il sit on him, kiss his face and kind of as you say try to strategize my way through to getting him to talk to me. But as soon as talking starts he pushes me away.

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He diverted the conversation, and you didn't stand up for yourself here. You need to stick with your goal of talking about issues that bother you, and solving them. Besides, he called you stupid, which is not appropriate. If you love someone you don't call them names. Pet names maybe, like "Schnookums", but not mean names.

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i see that shouldnt be doing everything the way he wants it. My best friend is always preaching about how i shouldnt be a pushover to him

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Not quite true. The issue here is about balance. If you do everything he wants, and he gives little back, there is an imbalance, and you will feel shorted and angry/frustrated/bitter. If you BOTH meet each others' needs, then there is balance, and a positive relationship.

OP, you know how people will tell you things that hurt you, but when you think about them, you know they are right?

Well, you are have pretty thin skin, and you don't stand up for what you want or need. You will be unhappy until you change that. A good relationship means BOTH people get what they need, and compromise is usually involved.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, he's just proved to you that the only value he has for you is what you can do for him. Let him sit on the back boiler for a while while he gets a cab to work every single day and maybe he'll appreciate how good you were to him and stop taking you for granted.

Why do you want him in your life Herecomesthesun? What loving actions does he show you that would prove that he is worth wanting to be with? Why do you want him? Why do you think it's okay for your daughter to see you upset and catering to the ungrateful whims of an asshole?

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Thats what i told him today, that last night and this morning showed me exactly what i was worrying about.. He then pretty much told me how annoying i am to be around, how he cant be with me anymore and would be much happier without me.. It hurt..a lot. I have never felt so taken advantage of in my life. I ignored him the rest of the day.. now i am receiving texts to see if he can come see me, that he didnt mean anything he said and was just angry at me for saying that he was using me.

I just cannot get through to him, no matter how hard i try, i cant explain to him what my problem is. I tried the 'I' tactics and he just said im being stupid and needy. I just dont know how else to do it, i dont know how to help him understand what is making me so unhappy. I cant be with him until he agrees to sit down and talk to me about everything.. i cannot give in this time..

I told him i couldnt do this anymore without him listening to me, and he said he knows i am going to see somebody else while i can and if i leave it for the night and not see him, he doesnt want anything to do with me :/ Im worried he means it.. When i just want him to realise and value what i do for him. I cant say how this is going to plan out anymore, i would have said we could hold on and work through it. But i have never been so unsure of being with him since i met him.

When i think about it, i dont know why i feel the need to be with him. He doesnt help me in any way, he doesnt make me feel a better person.. Being with him is making me feel cowardly.. That i dont have the guts to stand up for myself and get what i know i deserve.

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Originally Posted by bulrush [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He diverted the conversation, and you didn't stand up for yourself here. You need to stick with your goal of talking about issues that bother you, and solving them. Besides, he called you stupid, which is not appropriate. If you love someone you don't call them names. Pet names maybe, like "Schnookums", but not mean names.


Not quite true. The issue here is about balance. If you do everything he wants, and he gives little back, there is an imbalance, and you will feel shorted and angry/frustrated/bitter. If you BOTH meet each others' needs, then there is balance, and a positive relationship.

OP, you know how people will tell you things that hurt you, but when you think about them, you know they are right?

Well, you are have pretty thin skin, and you don't stand up for what you want or need. You will be unhappy until you change that. A good relationship means BOTH people get what they need, and compromise is usually involved.

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Its easier said than done to find balance between the both of us. I feel i do a lot for him. I do, i know i do. Everybody sees what i do for him. My partner doesnt really do anything for ME other than sex. Yes i love him, i love being with him. He does make me laugh and we can have a good time together and he does make me happy in a funny sort of way. I like having him around, he once helped me drive in the snow for the first time.
But lately not so much, he wont come visit me unless he has a ride. If he does, its too late and we go straight to bed. It makes me feel used..

How can i show him that my needs are not being met, that my feelings are been hurt without him flying off the handle about how much he does for me and how much of a needy b*tch i am? I feel stupid having to keep trying to bring it up and try talk to him..

Like..FFS i just want to enjoy my time being with him. For us to be happy in this relationship. I want to make him happy.. I just want him to do the same for me as i would for him and its impossible for him to understand. He thinks he does sooooo much for me.. And it may sound mean. But i dont see what he does. I feel so f*cking FRUSTRATED!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by HereComesTheSun [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thats what i told him today, that last night and this morning showed me exactly what i was worrying about.. He then pretty much told me how annoying i am to be around, how he cant be with me anymore and would be much happier without me.. It hurt..a lot. I have never felt so taken advantage of in my life. I ignored him the rest of the day.. now i am receiving texts to see if he can come see me, that he didnt mean anything he said and was just angry at me for saying that he was using me.

I just cannot get through to him, no matter how hard i try, i cant explain to him what my problem is. I tried the 'I' tactics and he just said im being stupid and needy. I just dont know how else to do it, i dont know how to help him understand what is making me so unhappy. I cant be with him until he agrees to sit down and talk to me about everything.. i cannot give in this time..

I told him i couldnt do this anymore without him listening to me, and he said he knows i am going to see somebody else while i can and if i leave it for the night and not see him, he doesnt want anything to do with me :/ Im worried he means it.. When i just want him to realise and value what i do for him. I cant say how this is going to plan out anymore, i would have said we could hold on and work through it. But i have never been so unsure of being with him since i met him.

When i think about it, i dont know why i feel the need to be with him. He doesnt help me in any way, he doesnt make me feel a better person.. Being with him is making me feel cowardly.. That i dont have the guts to stand up for myself and get what i know i deserve.

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Why are you so afraid to be without him? Do you not have a life outside of him? Respect yourself and be more concerned about what your daughter is learning when she watches you and this taker/user/asshole verbally and emotionally abuse her mother.

I hope when you next come back online you won't tell us that you gave into his manipulative demands. You and your daughter deserve better than what you're embroiled in.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why are you so afraid to be without him? Do you not have a life outside of him? Respect yourself and be more concerned about what your daughter is learning when she watches you and this taker/user/asshole verbally and emotionally abuse her mother.

I hope when you next come back online you won't tell us that you gave into his manipulative demands. You and your daughter deserve better than what you're embroiled in.

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I think i am mostly afraid of being alone to be honest, im fearful of going to work, coming home, doing my duties then being left alone when my daughter goes to bed.. I dont really know what to do with myself when hes not around. Something i realise i need to work on.
Also, when we are not together he seems to have this amazing life, friends always over at his house.. Whereas i have responsibilties and it just isnt like that for me. So maybe even a little bit of jealousy also..
I didnt give in to his demands. I had a nice visit with my mum and sister.. My sister is going to come stay with me a few nights to keep me company :)
This is going to be an ongoing battle to leave him though, i might be feeling on the edge okay about things now.. but i know in a few days im going to be devastated. :(

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Originally Posted by rafterman [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Who Fvcking cares.......you get the point, you meat head. Get a life

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Are you upset because I mocked you for getting trolled in that other thread? I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.



OP, good luck with everything.

What kind of razor did he use for his sack? Ive been looking for a good one for a while now, last time i did it , i nearly lost a ball, lol.

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Originally Posted by MerryH [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Seriously, hearts can make really stupid decisions. Hearts have no common sense. They are basically retarded. Your brain is a better judge. Use your brain.

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LOL...I had to laugh at this.....Yes everyone remove your hearts. Completely over-rated. Its not as if your brain requires blood. Obviously yours does'nt MerryH. Too funny......Semper Fi.....Peace out.