I posted on here a while ago about me always being argumentative at night. Don't know why and I have only just gotten to the bottom of it really. But It's too late.
She broke up with me about 3 weeks ago now, and I am giving her what she wants... space. and time... We have agreed to talk to each other in two weeks.
I was a complete twat to her, I tried to control her, I wasn't being a very good boyfriend at all. I ****ed up really bad. and she had, had enough of our constant arguing and left me.
Turns out, I could have Severe anxiety and Clinical depression. rooted to the fact I had a bad childhood. but she already knows this but I became to much for her.
I have tried apologising, I have tried putting effort into showing her how sorry I am, (making 3 minute videos of how much fun we used to have, writing letters. but she still wants "Space". She is one of those girls that can get out of a relationship and feel fine with kissing any guy she wanted, because it means nothing. but to me, a kiss is a kiss, you don't just kiss anyone. Every night, at exactly 00:30, I have an anxiety attack, because I may not be thinking about it, but my subconscience knows that, that was the time we broke up. but not a day goes by where I don't think about her, I love her with everything that i am, I love her with all my heart, all my soul, she is the one, and I knew, and still know that she is the one.
Is their any tips i could get, for when we start to talk again. I don't want to act as if we never went out, because it hurts me when we spoke for about 3 days before we realised we couldn't get along and be normal with each other (hence the space idea). All I could think about is how we used to be, and how I couldn't do that with her anymore. Our song was "A Walk Through Hell - Say Anything" and I would like to think that us spiltting up is just a little bit of hell, but together we shall walk though it and rest our feet at home with each other.
Or am I just living in a stupid fantasy world where in reality we will never get back together, she will start seeing other guys, and my heart will still be set on her?
any tips would be nice
Sorry for the long thread, but ya'know =/