Girl dumped me after 4 years long relationship. I need advice

First of all I would like to apologize in advance for any mistakes because English is not my native language.

I'm 19 years old and I was in relationship with my gf for 4 years, but she dumped me 4 months ago. I have to point out that, this wasn't nor good nor bad relationship. We loved each other, but in 4 years we didn't manage to have sex. I didn't immediately expected from her to have sex with me, I gave her time I didn't want to force her, but we talked about having sex and I got a feeling, that she wants to have sex with me, but she just wasn't ready yet.

After 1.5 years we started to have some foreplay (masturbating, oral sex, etc.), but when it came to point to have sex, she suddenly stopped, stood up and "went to bathroom", this destroyed whole mood and this didn't happened just once, but several times. After 3 years I got really mad and we had a huge argument about our sex life and from that point it just went down, no more foreplaies, she even stopped kissing me as much as before and after a while she left me with the excuse that, she still loves me but she simply doesn't want to be with me anymore.

After this breakup we didn't talk for 3 weeks and than she texted me, that she made a mistake and she wants to try again. With little hesitation I agreed, because i still loved her. After 3 months it came again to sex and this time her excuse was: "We are not officially together, therefore I don't want to have sex with you", than she added "but I still love you" and guess what after 1 week she dumped me again.

We didn't have bad together, just our sex life was f***ed up.

Now we don't talk for 2 months, but last week she started to text me again and I'm really confused now, I really don't know if i still love her or not, and i don't know what to do now, how to react.

Furthermore my self esteem, when i approach to girls, is as low as it can get. I'm scared to have another relationship like this. I'm scared to get together with a girl mainly, because I'm ashamed of my self because after 4 year relationship I'm stil a virgin and I don't know how to tell this to girl I like, because I always have that feeling that she is gonna make fun out of me. But I really want to have sex and I don't know what to do.

I would appreciate some advice :)



Sincerely


MrLolek



P.S

If you anyone want to make fun of me because i'm still a virgin after 4 years relationship, go ahead, be my guest I don't mind...

I feel sorry for you :-(. She probably didn't have bad intentions, but she f*cked you up emotionally... no wonder you're afraid of approaching other girls after a negative experience as this. Being rejected for 4 years by your supposed girlfriend must be horrible. I'm not being sarcastic, my boyfriend was in a similar situation (4 years relationship: they did have sex after 1.5 years, but then she would always reject him and they did it maybe every 6 months or so) and it was really hard for him to adjust to a normal sex life with me, at first. It took me months to convince him that I loved having sex with him and that I loved it when he initiated, etcetera. We are very happy in that department now :-).

What I'm saying is that I know it's tough and it seems like it will never get better, but the truth is, it will. You are still SO young, seriously, my ex was still a virgin at 20 years old and I found it adorable and I actually preferred it, since I was still a virgin myself. I'm sure you'll find another girl, a more mature and drama-free girl that will love ALL of you. Believe me, you have nothing to worry about :-).

I feel sorry for you too because I know how it feels to be messed around emotionally by a partner! I don't think she has ANY bad intentions. Even though you're not together anymore, I do believe she still loves you and misses you. This explains the coming and going parts. However for some girls, sex is an extremely scary thought! I, myself experienced this and I was literally petrified of it happening. No matter how much the person loves you or how much you love them, if the time isn't you right, you just can't do it.

I think next time you talk about sex; tell her how you feel, make her open up about it :)

I hope this helps!

Natalie xo