When You're Really Not Sure

You can usually gauge someone's interest by how he acts. But if you're unsure about someone's intentions, ask and get feedback. It's a good idea to see things straight early in a relationship. Say something casual, like "I had a great time. We should do it again sometime, don't you think?"

Things are probably not going well if you have to ask more pointed questions, like "Is this going anywhere?" or "Are we both wasting our time?" Unless you're really insecure and need such reassurance, you're likely sensing accurately that it is not going well. Trust your instincts -- your doubts are likely valid.

What do you do when you get double messages? Ben called about liking a girl he's seen on a few dates, but she's now giving him double messages. Sometimes she's nice when she sees him on campus, and other times she ignores him. She told his best friend that he calls her too much. This may "feel" like double messages, but really the message is quite clear: Back off. Rushing into something too fast makes the other person feel suffocated and crowded. Give her space -- get involved in other interests so you don't become overly attached.



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