Is it better to be a player...

... than to be a playee??

First of all, i'll start by saying i'm not a player no have I ever been. I've been a one girl guy all my life and never strayed from that.

But.. what has that done for me? Being that type of guy has put me in all types of situations where i've had my heart, sliced, diced, pureed, stomped on, ripped out, you name it.

I find women to be lying, heart eating monsters at this point, so that's why it begged me to ask the question. Is it better to be the player or to get played? I mean sure it's easy to say being a player is never good but at the same time, what does it mean to be a player?

Apparently romance is a considered a "game" so if you don't know how to play the game, isn't that asking to get played? A player never gets taken advantage of and never gets their feelings hurt, so I am sincerely thinking of taking on this route.

Don't be a player! I was a player before and if you read my thread, just above yours at the time when I write this, you would see that I'm paying for my old mistakes now. I fell into the hell I made by myself, for myself.

You reap what you sow. Don't do unto others what you don't want others do unto you. Don't do the same mistakes that I did. If your heart is pure, true love will find you. Be patience, buddy. ;)

I just read your story, and that's kind of different. When I say a player I basically just mean going from girl to girl for affection without ever worrying about catching feelings. Get what I mean?

Yes, I do get it. And that's what I did before I had the relationship with my ex.

And I know that some people, such as yourself, say that being a player is unfulfilling but let's be real. Everyone on this earth craves affection and there's only two ways to get it. The first way is to find a girl, court her, invest into her emotionally, invest in her in terms of time spent, make changes, do things for her, become vulnerable, and hope that she doesn't turn around and rip your heart out in return..

Or you can go the player route and seek temporary affection from multiple girls which I know doesn't sound too promising but hey, there's no pain involved.

Probably our difference is due to cultural gap, because I come from a South East Asian country (albeit heavily 'Americanized' since a kid), but I believe love is a universal force.

If you go that route, you wouldn't find true love. And how long you would be able to sustain it anyway? One day, you'll get older and want to settle down.

I've done that in the past (and recently, to certain extent) and I have such a bad reputation among my ex'es and their female friends. The first one joked about it the last time we met, but I still felt sorry because I hurt her before, 8 years ago!

Trust me, out of 25 years of my presence in this world, I've only felt true love twice, and I've lost both due to my own mistakes. Words cannot describe what I felt when it happened. But it is through pain, we get stronger, wiser.

I know it's hard to accept that you're being hurt, betrayed, abandoned, but it would have been more difficult to have the ghosts from the past haunt you every night.

Life is fair. It has its ways to restore the balance within it. That's why, have faith, my friend, that after all of the agonies you have gone through, life will reward you with the best present of all.

Another victim of self-fulfilling prophecy?
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I'm not gonna paint myself the picture as the perfect saint either. I can't because I know that i'd be dishonest in saying that. At times i've done things I regret for the sake of revenge on a woman who lies to me or plays me.... So it's not even like I feel good about myself either. Not only do i feel like dirt from being played, I feel lowly for responding to it in the ways I have done in the past. So now I almost feel like my only option at this time is to throw away emotions and keep the affection going. No, not forever, but at least until I feel i'm ready to try love again. It beats being lonely i'd say.

Ah, so you are pissed at yourself for getting played and wanting revenge on some other women who had nothing to do with your problem? Perfect logic there. :P

If you want to attract a nice person, you need to be one. Not a doormat, just decent and avoid people who aren't. Including playing bitches. People tend to get who and what they deserve.

Okay, I have a clearer understanding of what you want to do now. I admit I did the same thing after losing my 'first love'. Two months later, I was already with another girl until I called it quit two months after we started the relationship.

I kept on following the same cycle for four years until I exhausted myself. I felt that I didn't accomplish anything. I felt that it had not helped me at all. Then out of nothing, I found my 'second love' (and the story went like how I described it in my thread).

I was much more immature at that time. Had I become as thoughtful as I am now, I would've rather spend my time doing productive activities. Making new friends, pursuing hobbies, learning new skills, or getting some jobs. Don't let your emotions to drag you down. Use them to 'fall forward'. These activities would 'kill' your time and before you know it, you'll find that special someone you've been waiting for.

Use your experience after being played to recognise the qualities these players have, after being through the experience myself I find they are much easier to spot. Sure it rips the hell out of you to learn these things the hard way, then just stay away from them. Falling for a a player is such a bad move, I did and ended up being between chewed up and spat out, and after she moved onto her new guy, I was left feeling I never knew the girl at all and all I new was the illusion she presented. I suspect people who game others like this really never know anyone and it all becomes just one long form of entertainment, when they get fed up they move on to there next mark.

Not sure if your right that a player never gets hurt, look around some local bars and pubs and you very quickly see the life long players all around it.. looking for there next target. Sad really, and Id wonder why anybody would want to purposefully chose to become like that.

Nice guys and girls are always the ones who get hurt. That doesn't necessarily mean that it's better to be the one who is hurting people, though, and that's what players do. Players make girls think that they actually like them when they really just want to get in their pants and they screw things up for the nice guys who come along later.

The way you view girls it the way I view men: lying, heart-eating monsters.
BUT we both need to remember that not everyone in the world is a sack of crap.
Most people are, of course. But not everyone. :D

I used to be a player. Or I was whatever you call a girl when she is a player. A heartbreaker I guess. Anyway, when I got a taste of my own medicine I learned that that was NOT the way to go through life.

You need to take your current heartbreak and learn two things from it:
1.) Be more guarded and selective about who you open yourself up to. Very few people are worth the romantic love of a nice person.
2.) Never hurt someone in the way you were hurt, if you can help it. Don't "play" people.

Excellent post. It was pleasant to me