Honest Advice Please

Printable View

06-10-15, 11:26 AM
Loverr15

Honest Advice Please

So say you have been dating someone for about 3 years and a friend of your family passes and your significant other instead of saying I'm sorry for your loss asks "why are you sad did you sleep with him?" Then not even a week later a great uncle passes and your significant other says "it's a great uncle I never met my great uncles or aunts." This situation has bothered me on top of other things but not having empathy for someone you love just seems harsh and I no longer want to be with this person.. i am being told I am wrong and need help because I want to end this relationship.
06-10-15, 12:14 PM
toshiba

He sounds like a total dick.

If he said things like that to you recently, there has to be other crass, unkind things said over the past 3 years.
06-10-15, 12:30 PM
basilandthyme

You're not happy and leaving is the right choice. Frankly, it doesn't matter what he thinks about you leaving - it's YOUR choice whether or not you stay or go. That being said, his rude response to you wanting to leave should just make your resolve to leave stronger.
06-10-15, 12:48 PM
Loverr15

Quote:

Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You're not happy and leaving is the right choice. Frankly, it doesn't matter what he thinks about you leaving - it's YOUR choice whether or not you stay or go. That being said, his rude response to you wanting to leave should just make your resolve to leave stronger.

Thank you so much for the words. For a minute I was really questioning myself.
06-10-15, 02:51 PM
Wakeup

He sounds like he isn't capable of feeling empathy and that he doesn't have any experience with the pain of losing someone close to him to death. Regardless, if you don't feel you want to be with him anymore then do what you have to do and do yourselves the kindness of going zero contact once you end it which will help both of you more on more quickly.
07-10-15, 07:38 AM
TheEvilJester

So, my first question is who is telling you that you are wrong and "need help" for wanting to end the relationship? Is that him saying it or other people? If it is him.... well, haven't his recent insensitive comments given you enough evidence that you shouldn't put much weight in his opinion?

Honestly, it makes me kind of mad that somebody could make you doubt yourself like that because I can kind of put myself in your shoes. I understand that kind of self-doubt where you feel like you are being wronged, but there is a nagging voice in your head saying "Am I the one who is wrong here?" So, allow us to be the reasonable voice in your head.

YOU ARE NOT WRONG! That has to be some of the most insensitive ways I have ever heard of somebody responding to somebody losing a loved one. What kind of heartless jerk must he be to act like that? You are distraught over losing somebody who obviously meant something to you. How dare he try to trivialize that. If they were important enough to you, THEY WERE IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO YOU.

How dare he treat your grief with such a nasty attitude. So what if he doesn't even know any of his great aunts or great uncles? That doesn't automatically mean nobody does. Maybe you were very close to your great uncle. How would he know?

Honestly, I can't blame you for not wanting to be with him anymore. I wouldn't either. I would say maybe that is just me, but it sounds like the others have agreed with me above as well. Your significant other should be the person you can count on most when you need somebody. If you can't count on him to be there for you for the death of a loved one, then he doesn't deserve to be there for you AT ALL.

You deserve better. Normally I would say that I can only respond to threads based on the details we were given, and therefore there could be more to the story we don't know that changes things...... However, in this case I fail to see how the way he acted could EVER be justified even in the slightest. I'll say it again, in my opinion, you deserve better.

EDIT:

P.S.

Let me also add that I am so very sorry for your loss, and also so very sorry that you had to have two so close together. Not really much you can say in a situation like that. All I can say is cherish the times you shared with those loved ones and remember fondly the good times you had. They will never truly be fully gone, because they live on in the ways, however large or small, that they helped to form the person you are today.
07-10-15, 08:22 AM
dontaskme

You have been with the guy for three years, I don't think him making light of the death of your family friend and great uncle is really the cause why you want to leave. You were probably contemplating on breaking up with this guy for sometime and this most recent incident gave you more reason to do so. Whether you have a reason or not in wanting to break up is really up to you, no one should say you are wrong. Breaking up is a personal decision.
09-10-15, 06:49 PM
SuperHappyTime1

Queue the usual "If he's a Great *relative*, what exactly is so great about him?" No, its not situation appropriate, but it gives me a chuckle and usually produces an eyeroll that happens to be a turn on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loverr15 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So say you have been dating someone for about 3 years and a friend of your family passes and your significant other instead of saying I'm sorry for your loss asks "why are you sad did you sleep with him?" Then not even a week later a great uncle passes and your significant other says "it's a great uncle I never met my great uncles or aunts." This situation has bothered me on top of other things but not having empathy for someone you love just seems harsh and I no longer want to be with this person.. i am being told I am wrong and need help because I want to end this relationship.

Story aside, are you wanting to end the relationship?

Personally, I could forgive him for the Great Uncle comment, because of the above joke.
The close friend joke though... tough call, and a lot depends on whether he was a member of your family's close friends or whether he was your FWB. But unless it was the latter, that's probably unforgivable.
Either joke isn't becoming of a gentleman, but neither of the jokes are likely a good enough to dump him (Sorry, we don't know your entire life story). If this rude behavior is his status quo, I'd give him some 'splaining before I'd leave him on the corner.
10-10-15, 07:03 AM
TheEvilJester

...SuperHappyTime, you have me a tad bit confused. She didn't say anything about him making a joke about it. He was just terribly insensitive about both of her recent losses. I mean, unless he intended the comment about whether she slept with the family friend as a joke, but to me that would honestly almost make it worse. What kind of insensitive prick would he have to be to think that was funny? (On a side note, I've never heard your great uncle joke before, but I LOVE it. I still don't think it would be appropriate to tell to somebody if they just lost their great uncle, though. LOL!)

To each his/her own. I can see why you may not think that, alone, is reason to dump somebody. I personally have to respectfully disagree. It isn't about the fact that he didn't get why she'd be so upset over people who, if it was him instead of her, he'd probably have barely even known them. The thing is, obviously if she was that upset, they meant something to her. To me, it is about the fact that he is so insensitive and obviously doesn't give two craps about her feelings. That would be make or break for me as well. He can't even be supportive and be there for her through the death of a loved one. How could she trust him to be there for her at all?
11-10-15, 03:35 AM
lovemohini

Having problem in your love life or you have any doubt on your Husband-Wife, or have a secret affair, or you want your lost love(Ex) back, your boyfriend/girlfriend left you and you want them back in your life, your loved ones are cheating on you, you want a special one in your life but for some reason you can't hold on to a relationship and end up getting seperated from them. All your worries end here as our Love Vashikaran & Black Magic Specialist will help you to get what you desire with 100% guarantee.

Call at - +91-8696446917
Email - [email]helpdesk@liveastrofuture.org[/email]
Visit us - [url]http://www.liveastrofuture.org[/url]
11-10-15, 10:21 AM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovemohini [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Having problem in your love life or you have any doubt on your Husband-Wife, or have a secret affair, or you want your lost love(Ex) back, your boyfriend/girlfriend left you and you want them back in your life, your loved ones are cheating on you, you want a special one in your life but for some reason you can't hold on to a relationship and end up getting seperated from them. All your worries end here as our Love Vashikaran & Black Magic Specialist will help you to get what you desire with 100% guarantee.

Call at - +91-8696446917
Email - [email]helpdesk@liveastrofuture.org[/email]
Visit us - [url=http://www.liveastrofuture.org]Astrology, Vashikaran & Black Magic[/url]

How about you go f uck yourself and take your usless sh it with you.
13-10-15, 06:53 AM
TheEvilJester

Wow! Why don't you tell us how you really feel, smackie? LOL! But... yeah.... I'm with you. We really don't need spammers coming here and wasting space peddling the crap in threads were people are looking for help. Vultures, really.