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I lost my shyness a long time ago, I thought it would the be-all-end-all to my dating issues, since I now can start conversations without succumbing to the approach anxiety. However, I found myself with a new issue: my interactions with someone I find attractive always seem artificial and forced and I always end up ghosting girls because of it. What do you think is wrong with me?
I think you'd have to give us a lot more information to start forming any kind of real opinion on the matter. Based on the little you shared, I have no idea if the issue may be with you or if the issue could be with the women you've met. For example here are two VERY different scenarios that could each be possible:
- Maybe the women you've met just haven't been that interesting. So you lose interest because of that, not because you aren't giving them a sincere chance. You describe the interactions as "artificial and forced." If that was my interaction with a woman, I'd lose interest too. But I guess the key is do they feel artificial and forced because you aren't into it, or because you feel like the women you've been meeting make it feel that way?
- Maybe there is some personal history you've not mentioned that has caused you to be in something of a slump. Your heart could maybe just not be in it and you may not even realize it. So you go through the motions almost feeling like you should do it just because you should do it... but you aren't really into it. As result, you lose interest because you are not really in the right head space for it.
Those are two basically opposite possibilities, but we have no way to know which is the case for you. If even either. Can you maybe provide a little more insight? A little more detail? I'd be happy to try to help, but it would help if I knew a little more about what the problem was. I mean, I know that may be hard for you to define, but I guess ponder it a bit and see what you think. Is it that the women you've met aren't interesting, or simply that you are uninterested?
Best of luck either way.
The women I meet are the most interesting people I've ever met but my brain can't simply say "Dude, she's magnificent, go try getting her to know you!". It's my problem, not theirs, I'm probably aromantic or smth...
Well, I suffered rejection after rejection(the rare times I tried) up until I was 19, then I just thought that getting a girlfriend just wasn't for me and just kinda quitted. However, I could still get crushes on girls and feel some sort of interest...
How long have you been having this issue? Where you just can't find interest in women? If it hasn't been too long, it could just be that your past experiences have put you off of it temporarily. That can happen and, honestly, can even be a really good thing. It can be good for you to take a break from it all now and then and just learn to be happy in and of yourself. As it relates to love, I've always felt the ultimate goal in life is to be happy enough alone to not NEED love, but then to still want and find it anyway.
So, if you are in just a bit of a slump for now, romantically speaking, focus on that. On being happy enough just by yourself. If it has been a long time, then maybe there are some deeper issues you've not addressed that are causing you not to want to even bother. You may not even be aware they are there. If that is the case, that may be deeper than anything any of us could help you dissect here on a message board. That may take seeking the help of a therapist.
And, believe me, I understand if you may be reluctant to do that. People seem to avoid that, or stigmatize it. Like getting a therapist means you are weak. I quite disagree. I think it can be a sign of great strength to be able to admit when you need help and to accept it when you do. Why suffer through with no answers when a trained professional might be able to help you figure things out faster and more completely than you may have had to tried to go it alone.
Truth is there really isn't anything wrong with it if you do just enjoy being single. So, at least for the immediate future, just do things that make you happy just to be you. It sounds, though, like it is something you do want to change. So, acknowledging that is a good first step. There is, unfortunately, no one easy cookie cutter answer to your problem. It really depends on so many things that are so specific and personal to you. Though, I'm happy to continue to add any thoughts and advice of my own I can.
I wish you the best in your journey.
I've been feeling this for 4 years now: I simply can't gain interest on anyone and the rare occasion that I feel some attraction it goes away as quickly as it came. I used to be such a loving, passionate young man, I used to get crushes relatively easily on someone and I could fall head over heels over a girl, now I'm just an empty shell of what I used to be. It's possible that I'm burned out but goddamn, it's awful to be burned out for this long, amirite?Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEvilJester [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I was rejected a lot until 2014 but I got over those rejections and it actually helped me become a better date, so it probably isn't a cause. I think about this literally every day and I can't find a single goddamn cause, this is destroying me so ****ing bad. I went to a psychiatrist and I talked thoroughly about it: I love my friends and family, I feel good when I'm engaging in my hobbies, I'm just completely numb in this one aspect. What do you think is wrong with me?
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Like, I'm happy just by myself, it's just that no one was made to be an island and we need love and affection in our lives...
Are you still seeing that therapist? Maybe you need to just stick it out for a while with them. Or maybe they just weren't quite the right therapist for you/your situation. Therapists are just people too. They aren't magic and can just easily fix your problems. Sometimes one is just the wrong match whereas maybe another could help you have the break-through you need.Quote:
Originally Posted by Billyman3000 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Therapy isn't easy, though. Like anything, it can take work. It isn't just a few sessions and suddenly all problems solved. Sometimes it takes time. I do sincerely wish we could help here, but if you've been in the same slump for 4 years now, I feel like that is beyond anything we can help as random strangers on a message board.
What do I think is wrong with you? Absolutely nothing. You faced a lot of rejection. Who wouldn't have a hard time getting through that and yet still being enthused to try again?
I know how you feel. I fought with this myself for years. Ultimately, I personally accepted that love just isn't always meant for everybody. It wasn't easy, I fought it for so long with every fiber of my being.... but I ultimately accepted it. ....But here's where we differ... You still want to find love. So, I don't think my conclusion should have to be yours.
Again, don't get me wrong.... finding happiness within yourself instead is AMAZING. I 100% recommend making that your most important journey. But that doesn't HAVE to mean love cannot also be part of the journey. I don't think I myself or any of us could know why you don't seem to be able to maintain interest in any women.
Maybe you just haven't met the right women. Maybe there are issues within yourself you have yet to resolve that are still holding you back. I don't think any of us can know that.
But you deserve to find happiness. Maybe that can eventually include love, maybe not. But, whatever your path may ultimately be, you deserve for it to be one that leads you to happiness. If, for right now, love seems to elude you and it only makes you more unhappy.... maybe a temporary break is best. I mean... I know it has been 4 years, but it sounds like it has been 4 years of you WANTING to find somebody, TRYING to find somebody, and just not being enthused enough. Maybe you just need a temporary break from even bothering to try. Some time to rest, recharge, and just be happy with yourself. Then, maybe get back out there when you feel ready.
But, again, don't give up on therapy. Maybe the therapist you saw wasn't the right one. ...Or maybe you just needed more time. But there IS an answer out there for you. It may not be easy to find, it may not even be easy to achieve once you have found it.... but it will be worth it. In the meantime, just re-focus on learning to be happy anyway.
Best of luck.
All the best, billyman3000.