Is he really moving on that quickly?
Good morning everyone. My problem is that I cannot understand my ex's behaviour. Here is my story:
We have been together for almost two years now. We were very much in love and wanted to get married in two or three years. However, since the beginning of the summer we have had so many fights and arguments. Every time we get over a fight, another one starts. We had some small happy moments in between the fights but it wasn't enough for him to feel happy. The reason of our fights were many. I lied to him about my past and I came forward so it lead to mistrust, I felt guilty about something in my life and no matter how much he tried to make me feel better it was very hard for me. So he was sick of my mood and he lost his trust for me and he reminded me of that. He was also pissed that I cry too much about anything and everything. I am a very sensitive person.
When we started going to the university again, it was fine the first days, I thought we were happy. I was at least. But then I cried once more about something that I felt guilty about during the summer and it created problems once again.
One day he came to me and said he wanted to tell me something. he said he spent time with a girl this day (exactly 15 minutes) and enjoyed it. I questioned him about whether he likes her he said he would never do that to me but that it felt nice to talk to someone who knew nothing about "all the shit he has been going through for 4 months". I was very jealous of this girl and we talked about her a lot the next days he kept saying its not about her it was just about forgetting his problems but I kept crying because he said "Even if we break up I have no chance with her she is probably with someone" I felt that this meant that he wants a chance.
The same day, he told me he can't take this anymore. at first he said he wants a break and all that but then the conversation ended in us breaking up for good. What shocked me is he was really cold while breaking up with me. Sometimes smiling and also making jokes. He said stuff like you'll find someone who will make you happy I really wish that and that this was better for both of us.
I cried for days and then I talked to him, asking him for clarifications. He said he feels very depressed and very lonely and that every time he thinks of anything it leads him back to me, that he prefers his life with me but that he made the right decision. that he is paranoied, has trust issues and he ended up telling me that he loves me but he is not in love with me anymore. that its the kind of love that comes from sharing a history with someone and hoping their life ends up better than his. I was very shocked to hear this as two days earlier he kept telling me how much he loves me and he was very cute with me.
Then I asked him about this girl. whether he meant he wanted a chance with her and he said yes. I didn't know how to take that. He said many things that were contradicting each other in the next days:
- he thinks about her a lot
- he can't get her out of his head
- doesn't even know her full name,
- talked to her only once
- doesn't know what he wants
- doesn't know if he likes her
- doesn't know if she likes him
- doesn't even wanna know
- doesn't care if he doesn't see her again
- wants to see her and just to get to know her and see how it goes
- she seems like a potential partner, a good person and who isn't like me asking too much questions and getting emotional
I asked him if its a rebound he said "maybe". Then he said "I don't wanna be alone". "I want someone". I said you want "her" he said "anyone". but the day before he said he doesn't just want anyone
I asked him when did he stop loving me he said "the day I left you". I asked him how he could move on so quickly he said "do you want me to tell myself leaving you was the worst decision ive ever made and cry all day? it wasn't working between us. you should move on too"
I cried and said many things to which he also said contradictory words such as
- I am not over you
- If I keep telling myself I love you ill never stop loving you
- Sometimes I feel I love you but it goes away very fast as I remember how much you can make me angry or depressed
- I didn't leave you for her I left you for us
- I am not ready to love again
To summarize, I feel very betrayed, If he left me because its not working between us and he feels like he cannot be happy with me anymore I can quiet understand but even then,
How could someone stop loving someone in one day?
How could someone be into another girl this fast and want a shot with her?
How could he want to be in a relationship a few days after we break up?
He even wants to be friends with me how is this possible after two years of such great love?
I feel like he doesn't care and it kills me inside because even if at the end we had a lot of fights we were very in love and he knew my brother and my parents very well and we meant the world to each other. I could tell him anything about me literally
I don't know if this is relevant to my story or the the reasons of this behaviour but he is very much of a loner. He doesn't have many friends and is often walking alone on campus.
