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I know I'm double posting but I have to add, if this is the way she coddles her adult kids, and puts them first over you, I foresee other issues down the road. What if one of them loses their job? or...

Tip: when first dating someone, you have to discuss expectations right up front. If they honestly can't be met, leave the relationship, don't hope they will change their mind. Wish you were here 3...

I'd just move on because you know none of what you hope for (living together, etc) is not going to happen. I think she is just avoiding committing to anything by using her kids as an excuse. 4 years?...