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We arent rushing in to marriage. Its was over 10 years before I proposed, and that was mainly to shut the parents up who kept on asking... lol. We had intended to have a long engagement anyway as...

I have always thought I could be a half decent father, but I have never felt mature enough to deal with all the hassle that having a child involves.

We have talked about it and while she would...

I have found, from my experience, that there fairly narrow time window shortly after screwing up (which can vary from seconds to days depending on the person and the screw up) where coming clean is a...

Lots of responses, so its epic quote and reply time:


I actually took some time away the day I found out. Drove a few hundred miles, giving me time to think how to react to the situation. It...

This is true, but consider the situation for a moment.

You may be a perfect, upstanding, pilar of the community who never sets a foot wrong. But anyone who has ever done something bad will...

I am very aware of this, this is the primary reason for this thread. I am considering my options, and how *I* want to proceed.


This is something I have asked myself many times over the years. ...

She has stated categorically that she has cut all ties with him. Deleted emails/chats/phone numbers etc. He has also done the same.
She has agreed to destroy all gifts she has received from him...

I have posted this same question in several forums around the net. My intention when posting wasn't to validate my opinion, but to gather suggestions of options. There is always more than one way...

Surely the point is that they end up like that because they dont recognise the signs and just keep on truckin'.

This whole situation has brought things to the forefront, and given us a reason to...

That doesnt make it a good thing.



I am aware of that. I am not using it as an excuse. I am using it to try to understand why and how it all happened.

Want to stay with her? Yes.

Will I? That much is still uncertain. For now I intend to try, and she appears to be committed to helping us both get through this. I hope that we can manage to get...

It is a fair point. However when I say "I wasnt the best BF" I really mean we both played a part in causing our relationship to stagnate. My role in the problems basically came down to ignoring her...

This is very true, and I do feel this is probably the biggest thing that I have a problem with. We have talked very openly about this though, and I think we are getting down to "why" everything...

It is a valid point. I dont know if shes still banging him.

That said, we have had some very in-depth discussions about what happened, and the feelings surrounding it, and she claims to feel none...

She didnt hide it for years at a time though. Well she did, but not that well.

Over the years, and even at the time when it happened, there were some tell-tale signs that made me wonder. I...

Im not dwelling on this 5 years later. I only found out about it a couple of weeks ago. The sex happened 5 years ago.

I have been with my girlfriend for well over 10 years now, we have been engaged for a while but neither of us have ever been in a rush to formalize anything with actual marriage. We have had long and...