how should I fix a confidence problem?

[shh!]

"What your talking about is not even parallel to what I was trying to exemplify. Maybe you should check with an English professor"

"Nah, don't listen to this Shh."

I had no intentions of doing so. The purpose of my "verbal spar" was to illustrate that promise was attempting to use psychological terms in order to boost his/her credibility, but was using them incorrectly. I think I was able to demonstrate this, and I think it will be obvious to all that promise has merely talked him/herself into a circle.

[Promise]

There's no winning with fools.

Ignored.

[Tone]

To base the functioning of what you say upon what someone else said, and probably never actualized in reality is not trivial, but naive and idiotic. Thing is though, if you actually read and studied his books/work, you'd understand that the man's life in a whole was a contradiction; he said many things, and did many things that was hypocritical to what he wrote. Also, nobody said he was at Harvard, or even anything relative to his biographical life... So I advise before you make a fool of yourself again to read clearly, before trying to be so witty, because the laugh is upon you.

To everyone else that agrees negative reinforcement or in this case to agree upon symantecs, "the truth", is the way to ameliorate someone's problem, let me give you a great example of what positive reinforcement can do. Let's take someone who is "fat" and "ugly", but wants to be "thin" and "beautiful". Do you help them by telling them they have to realize that they are "fat" and "ugly" and nobody wants them and all the other ammenities that come along with that fact to make their situation better, and in effect believe they will take that as a stepping stone to becoming "thin" and "beautiful" or to where their goals are? I certainly do not believe that that nature is natural of people, therefore, we must make them believe, and thus in our own, believe that they are beautiful, and there is no exact definition of thin, before they can take the step to becoming their idealistic weight and look; for with everything and anything it has to be a natural complusion and resolve to want to do something, not one that is fabricated by another.

Was he as hypocritical as you are when you preaching "positive reinforcement" yet replying to shh saying she's making a fool of herself and being "naive" and "idiotic"? Why is everything always have to be about being "right".. you use positive reinforcement, good here's a *THUMBS UP* for you buddy. We tellin him the truth he might not want to hear, but needs to. Two different methods, at least he's getting a variety of responses. Why does your method and your method ONLY have to be the RIGHT way to do things? It's hilarious to see you get all riled up cause we disagree with you and you frantically trying to force us to believe what you believe.

[Only-virgins]

There's no winning with fools.

That is a very true statment. I don't know about it being true here or not but just in general.

[mtnjason19]

The sad thing is, I was looking for some good advice. I have been looking for a job, do you honesly think I dont have that as my number one priority? I mean shit, I know that if a girl wants me for just my money, then I dont need her. Further more the fact that this week I am unemployed, doesnt mean someone calss me today or tommorow. I know this isnt perminent and so should they if they are truly genuine. The fact that I do have a degree, and who gives a shit if it is a Liberal Arts, I am highly intelegent when it comes to what I do. I just dont quite have the experience enough to do it on my own. The negative reinforcment isnt nessicary because you are telling me something that I already know! So instead of telling me what a loser of a life I have, suggest something that I can change today!

[Tone]

No one is saying you have a loser life. We're simply stating what might make women not attracted to you in your current state. How are they to know it's just temporary? Like I said, you never get a second chance to make a first impression.. think about it, your first impression is an unemployed 27 year old man living with his parents. Let's face it, in this world today, girls are brutal.. you gotta make a good first impression, you gotta show them you got somethin to offer. Especially if you go for the attractive ones that have guys hittin on them all the time, why go for the unemployed attractive guy that lives at home with his parents when you could go for the employed attractive guy that has his own place? I'm not sayin this is right or how it should be, but unfortunately in today's world it how it is.

And when I say get a job, I mean if you can't find a job in your Liberal Arts field go apply at the local grocery store or SOMETHIN, a job's a job, and we all need them. Somethin to get you by for now and show people you are capable of taking care of yourself.

But since you're not interested in my honest opinion, I'll give you what you want to hear:

Hang in there man! You're doing great and those girls are just plain silly dummy heads! The right girl and job will come your way, just you wait buddy!

In all seriousness though I do hope things work out for you and sorry if I offended you at all =/

[mtnjason19]

No one is saying you have a loser life. We're simply stating what might make women not attracted to you in your current state. How are they to know it's just temporary? Like I said, you never get a second chance to make a first impression.. think about it, your first impression is an unemployed 27 year old man living with his parents. Let's face it, in this world today, girls are brutal.. you gotta make a good first impression, you gotta show them you got somethin to offer. Especially if you go for the attractive ones that have guys hittin on them all the time, why go for the unemployed attractive guy that lives at home with his parents when you could go for the employed attractive guy that has his own place? I'm not sayin this is right or how it should be, but unfortunately in today's world it how it is.

And when I say get a job, I mean if you can't find a job in your Liberal Arts field go apply at the local grocery store or SOMETHIN, a job's a job, and we all need them. Somethin to get you by for now and show people you are capable of taking care of yourself.

But since you're not interested in my honest opinion, I'll give you what you want to hear:

Hang in there man! You're doing great and those girls are just plain silly dummy heads! The right girl and job will come your way, just you wait buddy!

In all seriousness though I do hope things work out for you and sorry if I offended you at all =/

No offense was taken. Believe me I know first hand the negative side effects of being unemployed. If I didnt want an honest opinion, I wouldnt have asked.Thanks

[indigosoul]

Ignored.

Except you didn't. God, you are ridiculous, sooo funny! You must be a walking contradiction... keep it up! I'm really enjoying this!!

Circles indeed, Shhhh.

[indigosoul]

The sad thing is, I was looking for some good advice. I have been looking for a job, do you honesly think I dont have that as my number one priority? I mean shit, I know that if a girl wants me for just my money, then I dont need her. Further more the fact that this week I am unemployed, doesnt mean someone calss me today or tommorow. I know this isnt perminent and so should they if they are truly genuine. The fact that I do have a degree, and who gives a shit if it is a Liberal Arts, I am highly intelegent when it comes to what I do. I just dont quite have the experience enough to do it on my own. The negative reinforcment isnt nessicary because you are telling me something that I already know! So instead of telling me what a loser of a life I have, suggest something that I can change today!

What are your talents? Your hobbies? There are lots of things you can do to generate income from home with a computer.... Are you artistic? Clearly you have a computer... You can write articles online, offer to do artwork for small local business, design websites (if you are so inclined).

Regarding getting an outside job, it is often helpful to have an outside contact to get the local scoop. Go check out the local Chamber of Commerce & ask them if they know of any small, growing local businesses who are hiring. Its a good contact, and demonstrates initiative to those businesses you contact. Talking to ppl will help you to network. I hire a lot of my summer students this way. Also ask at your local college or university. A lot of profs are looking for short term summer help right about now.

I hope this helps.

[shh!]

Hey, Indigo - I was rereading an earlier post you made in which you discuss Einstein. I thought I'd mention I recently went to an Einstein exhibit and was really impressed not only with his scientific genius, but also (especially) his political activism and civil rights advocacy. It was a fantastic exhibit. Why am I telling you? Probably nobody else cares, and I am still thinking about how remarkable a human being he was! I thought I'd share with another fan...

[indigosoul]

Hey, Indigo - I was rereading an earlier post you made in which you discuss Einstein. I thought I'd mention I recently went to an Einstein exhibit and was really impressed not only with his scientific genius, but also (especially) his political activism and civil rights advocacy. It was a fantastic exhibit. Why am I telling you? Probably nobody else cares, and I am still thinking about how remarkable a human being he was! I thought I'd share with another fan...

Earlier post...? Oh, that must have been the one about Einstein & Bohrs famous argument(s)!

Yes, he was a remarkable human IMO. And yes, even a contradiction (as Promise pointed out!). But I happen to think this is the sign of a thinking brain... anyone who ISN'T a contradiction at some point in their life, esp. someone w/the talents of Einstein, isn't thinking nearly hard enough about life and their role in it.

Hear that, Promise? You do fine, just don't be such an A$$ about it...

Oh, and in case you're interested, a nice intro to Einstein w/o getting too heavy duty into it, is a book called 'Subtle is the Lord', The Science & Life of Albert Einstein (A. Pais). Lots to go from there...

[shh!]

Thanks for the tip; would that be a scientific biography, or does it focus on the (more relatable) human aspects of his life? My knowledge of physics is very basic, and I'm quite sure I am not equal to the task if the book becomes too technical.

By the way - are you a teacher of some sort? (or perhaps you'd rather not say in the interest of privacy...)

[misombra]

reinforcement: continuing a behavior.
negative reinforcement: continuing a behavior by taking something from the environment.
positive reinforcement: continuing a behavior by adding something to the environment.

you're free to argue with that, promise, but you'd be a damn fool. wait, you already did and you already are.

[artyemi]

I love psychology. It was one of my favorite subjects in college!

[shh!]

I loved Philosophy, Logic and English Literature.