Do girls really like this?

[cu_tigers90]

Okay, I've been talking to this girl for about a month now. At first, we just talked as friends and we had alot of fun talking to each other, but then I started liking her. I didn't show it for awhile, and it seemed like she liked me. I just know she did. It's just something I picked up on by the way she was acting. Also, some of her friends told me she liked me so that was kind of a clue that maybe she liked me.

She asked me to a movie and then, I don't know, I just started liking her as more than a friend. I started hanging around her all the time, and lately she's been acting like she doesn't like me, not even as a friend. She's always making excuses to get away from me, but we still talk a little bit.

Anyways, this is my question. Alot of people have told me to just completely ignore her. Act like she doesn't exist. Make her come to me. They say if she likes me she will come to me. Do girls really prefer a guy ignoring her than a guy always talking to her? Should I try this out, or will it just cause her to hate me more? Because she's always talking about people that she hates because they just stopped talking to her, but I don't know. I'll probably give it a shot, I just want to hear yall's opinions.

[Innova]

It's all a game really...

1. She might be scared..

2. She really does like you

3. She might not like you as such anymore

Just don't seem so attached to her, but then again don't disappear all together. Talk to her friends, see what's up?

[ALovelyLady86]

Just be yourself... dont play the games..
If you want to talk to her, walk up to her and talk to her, if you dont then dont. Dont make it anymore complicated than it is.

[cu_tigers90]

Well, it actually kind of worked today. She walked up and just stood beside me, and I looked at her and she told me she talked to the guy she liked last night. I think I know what she's doing now. She's probably trying to make me jealous. I was friendly and I talked to her like I would any of my friends, but I wasn't all over her like I usually am.

I think it's starting to work. If I keep it up, my friends say she'll start to come around and start missing the attention I used to give her. I'm pretty sure she likes me but she's just tired of me being around her all the time.

I'll keep you updated.

[equazcion]

Just be yourself... dont play the games..
If you want to talk to her, walk up to her and talk to her, if you dont then dont. Dont make it anymore complicated than it is.

To ALovelyLady86: "Just be yourself" is unfortunately not the best advice, generally speaking. It would be great if just being yourself always worked, but the harsh reality is that that rarely works in a general sense, unless you are by nature an exceptional, very confident, irresistable person, or if the other person is of rarely exceptional character.

In general, the nature of today's dating "scene" require some "gaming" (I blame the womens' and teen magazines ). You asked if girls really prefer a guy ignoring her. The short answer is no. Girls would never say, "I like it when guys ignore me." However, that is not to say it doesn't work, if you do it right. Some of the more honest girls out there might even say, "I hate it when guys ignore me, but sometimes the best way to get my attention is to do just that." I've even seen such quotes by model- and celebrity-type women in magazines like Maxim. These girls are used to being hit on, oggled, and adored, so attention is really the last thing that will spark their interest. The same holds true for most "regular" (non-celebrity) women.

There are two reasons this works:

1. Ignoring a woman, or even mildly putting her down somewhow, plays to her insecurity. Everyone is insecure, to a degree (not just women). We all have some need to recieve some validation from people who are not our family members or good friends. When you ignore (or otherwise show disinterest in) a girl who has a decent amount of self-esteem, you put her on the defensive. She gets bothered and curious about why you're ignoring her, thinking that perhaps it is something wrong with her. She'll feel the need to "defend her position", or "argue her case", by attempting to make you interested, so that she can feel validated again. If she succeeds, she can then rest easy, now that she knows she's still as *choose one: hot, sexy, smart, charming, thin* as she thought she was. Of course, if you allow her that validation too soon, she might not feel any further need to impress you, so you may need to maintain *some* disinterest until a more meangful connection is built between you. Keep her thinking that she still has somthing to prove, but don't overdo this. Games should only be played at the beginning of a relationship. Eventually you will need to open up and forge something more honest with her, because if at that point you still need to play games to keep her, you probably shouldn't be with her anyway.

2. People have a general way that they respond mentally to getting ignored. A person's immediate thought when someone ignores them is, "s/he must be better than me." This is because ignoring others is the most basic and typical response of a person that is ultimately confident. Nothing convinces others of your greatness like believing it yourself (or acting like you do). Ignoring a girl will automatically step-up her mental image of you, and consequently there will be a better chance of her feeling attracted to you.

By the way, I use the term "ignore", but what I really mean is "not show too much interest in". Being rudely ignorant of others will rarely accomplish your goal. If you really know what youre doing it can be used to your advantage, but in general it isn't something that will do you any good.

cu_tigers90: Now for your individual situation, which is markedly different from the general social scene:

Depending on how old you and her are, I would say that she may have become impatient. I say this depends on your age because high school-type relationships tend to differ from adult ones; young girls (and guys sometimes) who develop an attraction for someone and don't have it immediately reconciled, tend to develop a crush. They sit and "pine" for the person, even convince themselves they're in love, developing stronger and stronger feelings at time goes by.

Adult women are more jaded and less interested in the fun of creating dramatic romantic unrequited-love situatons in their heads. In general, the view that is considered healthy for women today, and the advice their womens' magazines will give them, is this: They will send you signals and see if you make a move. This doesn't need to be a physical move, but they will expect some kind of non-platonic response. They won't wait forever and waste time on someone who doesn't seem interested though. They may even choose to not even be friends with you. This is not only because it bothers them too much that their feelings aren't returned, but in my opinion it's also that women have more trouble than men in remaining "just friends" with someone they once had romantic feelings for. They have trouble "moving on" if they don't cut the person out of their lives completely and achieve closure.

Assuming both of you are adults (at least about early 20's), it sounds to me like she thinks she has tried and failed, and is attempting to move on. If that's the case, ignoring her will probably not bring her back. Instead you will only make it easier for her to achieve her goal of forgetting about you. I would say you should try to make some kind of move with her. Again this does not need to be a physical move - just do something that sends a romantic signal. Ask her to take a walk with you one night, something like that, and see if her demeanor changes.

[cu_tigers90]

Actually, I'm 15 and she's 14.

I feel I should clarify what I mean by "ignoring" her. I don't mean actually "ignoring" her, but like you said, showing "disinterest" in her. I'm still friendly to her and talk to her as I would any friend, but I'm no longer hanging around her and following her around. I'm making her come to me, and it seems to be working. I still talk to her, but I don't go searching for her. Know what I mean?

I'm not exactly sure how long I need to do this. This Thursday we're going to the movies so maybe at the movies will be a perfect time to start showing interest in her again. Right now, I'm just trying to interpret signs. The way she was acting today, I think she's starting to kind of like me again, but she's not to the point where she thinks about me and hangs around me all the time.

[equazcion]

Well that changes things

High school dating is tricky, and unless you're some kind of jock-type that everyone wants, it can be difficult to figure out. Younger girls can be pretty unpredictable. They're more unaware of themselves and their interests change rapidly.

In that case I would say that you're doing the more effective thing by ignoring her. I've thought many times that if I could do high school all over again I'd probably just ignore everyone and act all high-and-mighty. Kids eat that crap up.

I feel comfortable giving you advice like this because, to be honest, this is not the kind of thing that will impact your future. High school (especially early high school) relationships are rarely consequential, although they are fun. The way you act now will probably not have much of an effect on anyone later, unless you're a complete ******* and really hurt her. But you don't sound like the type to do that. Even if you end up staying with her past high school (it does happen, rarely), she won't care how you had acted when you were both kids. Sorry, but yeah, you are kids.

You said, "hanging around her and following her around." God, no, don't ever do that, with anyone, I don't care how much you like them. Nothing will get you "demoted" faster than following a girl around. You have to let her come to you at least half the time. You also said, "go searching for her." Never do that either. If you're already dating her, she may think it's sweet if you go looking for her once in a while. But don't do it often, and especially not if you're still at the stage where you're trying to get her interested.

It seems like you're on the right track now. I would however wait until she shows clear interest in you though, before you ease up on the "not-showing-interest". Ideally I would wait for her to ask YOU to a movie (or anywhere date-like and alone) before I eased up. That's just what I would do though; feel the situation out for yourself and use your judgement.

Good luck. Keep us updated. I hate the smilies on this forum, they're too damn big.

[cu_tigers90]

Actually, she's the one who asked me to the movie, but that was before I started following her around.

I think I'll see how things go at the movies and take it from there. I do have another question, though, and since you've been giving me some great advice I feel comfortable asking you.

Should I put any moves on her at the movies? Should I hold her hand or put my arm around her, or do you think she'll put any moves on me, or do you think we should become better friends first?

Like I said, she did ask me to the movies, so I'm not sure if she views this as a date or just hanging out with a good friend.

[equazcion]

If the movie isn't until Thursday, you still have time to make that decision. In the time between now and then, continue with your "damage control". Keep some distance, give her space, and maintain your dignity.

Over the course of the week you can guage for yourself whether or not the time will be right to make a physical move at the movie. You mentioned that your friends had told you she liked you. If you trust your friends' opinions, you should ask them again sometime before Thursday what they think. You haven't said where your friends are getting their information, or if they just know as much as you do and are guessing. But if they are a reliable source, you should take advantage of that.

Don't try too hard to become better friends with her, unless you're truly prepared for it to stop there. Girls don't see guy/girl friendships the same way we do. As guys, we generally look at our friend-girls as potential girlfriends. Girls don't think that way; it's entirely possible for a girl to not even consider the possibility of dating someone she's friends with. If you're already "buddys" with a girl, something has to happen in order to change her view of you, and that can be a difficult thing to make happen.

Becoming good friends as a means to a romantic relationship is very risky, and even if you pull it off, it can take a lot of time to eventually work. You can easily become "the friend", the one she turns to for advice, the shoulder she cries on, etc. While that might sound good, it won't be long before she's coming to you for advice about her new boyfriend.

Going to a movie alone with her is definitely a good sign. Even if her original intention was not that it was a date, you'll still benefit from it. Her friends will tease her about it, and that at least will put the idea into her head (assuming it wasn't there already) that maybe she could like you as more than a friend.

[cu_tigers90]

The friend is actually a guy. They are NOTHING more than friends, and I know that because she's always talking about how much he gets on her nerves. They're kind of forced to hang out all the time because their families are best friends. I trust the guy.

I'm kind of worried this might happen to us. Next year I'll have to ride to and from school every day with her, her mom, and her sister, but that's another story.

I think I'll just see what happens at the movies and go with the flow. It's more of a "spur of the moment" thing anyways.

I really appreciate the advice. You've been a big help.

I'll keep yall updated.

[mhussain]

i hate games

Hussain

[cu_tigers90]

Here's something else that happened.

My friend is good friends with her mom because she used to babysit the girl. She saw her mom and she told her that I was always talking about how much I liked her daughter, which kind of made me mad but her mom said that she could tell. Then her mom said that she told her that she needs to stop teasing me, so apparently she is playing games right now.

Tonight is the night. Wish me luck.

[cu_tigers90]

Well, unless a miracle happens, this is the last time I'll be updating this thread.

Last night at the ballfield, I was standing up watching the game when I saw her behind me. She wasn't looking at me, though. She kept walking and I was staring at her, wondering when she was going to look at me. She shot a glance my way, and I know she saw me because our eyes met, but she quickly turned away and kept walking.

I saw her up on the hill flirting with the guy that I trusted as my "reliable" source, and this crushed me. I just kind of looked down and shook it off, trying to convince myself she was trying to make me jealous, but she obviously had no interest in talking to me. Finally, after the game, I had to walk by her to get to my dad's truck. I said hey to her and I told her to make sure she calls me the day before the movies or whatever.

Then she said they couldn't go Thursday. Her little brother has a baseball game. Her mom came walking over there, and me and her mom are good friends. We talk alot and stuff. She told me they wouldn't be able to go this weekend. They're really rich and popular and they're whole family's even on a billboard for State Farm Insurance because her dad is an agent for State Farm. I can understand why they'd be busy. I told her they didn't have to take me but she told me they wanted to take me.

Anyways, that's it. I'm tired of playing games. After I basically got my heart ripped out of my chest, I flirted with this really hot cheerleader so that eased the pain a little bit, but I still can't forget about her. She's on a freakin' billboard. Everytime I see or hear a State Farm commercial I think about her. Next year, we'll be forced to ride to and from school with each other everyday. There's no way I can forget about her.

I haven't thought about her as much as I used to today, though, so things are getting better.

Anyways, thanks for the advice. It was great advice. I guess she's just over me now.

[lilwing89]

dude dont give up on her cause u might still get her sooner or later.

did you ever even tell her to her face that u like her? perhaps she doestn know?

[cu_tigers90]

Read the thread...yes, I told her to her face. Plain and simple "I like you." She said "I know." Then she told me who she likes, and it wasn't me.

I'm not giving up. Maybe we'll get together some other time. I'm not going to worry about it, though.

By the way...it's been about a month and they haven't called me.