Letting Go of the on I Love

[SomeGuy911]

Hi. I need help.

I'll try to keep it short but detailed.


Here's a little background: I'm 24 male. I've had my heart broken 2 years ago (100% over that). I travelled Europe for 9 months solo, just got home from that 2 months ago. Fell in love with another backpacker, but that's done and I'm over it. No regrets.

Now. Since I've been home, I reconnected with a girl that I've known since we were both 16. We dated for 2 months then, but how well do relationships go when you're 16? We were still friends, but over the years we disconnected. Didn't speak or see each other for about 6/7 years for no reason in particular, just lost touch.

Fast forward to when I got home from Europe.

I randomly looked her up on facebook to make some reconnections back in my home town after being gone for 6 years or so. We went for drinks one night, and it turned out that we really like each other. I took her out on an awesome first date, and we fell in love pretty fast. We tried to take it slow, but we couldn't help that. We saw each other every day, between work and other life stuff. We knew we were moving fast, but we couldn't help it. We talked about a bunch of crazy stuff: songs to be played at our wedding, jobs, living arrangements, moving in together this summer, trips together etc. This is all happened with one slight little problem that would soon arise: she has a 4 month trip planned to Africa and Europe, January - April, solo.

Knowing this, we never put a label on it. I know what I experienced in Europe, and I told her that I wouldn't ask her to me my girlfriend right before she goes on her trip. I know I wouldn't want that because that's how I traveled. I don't do long distance and neither does she.

A few weeks went on, we fell more in love and came closer, when I brought forth the idea that I would join her on her first mont of her trip. She loved that idea. So did her mom. We had it tentatively planned out logistically. She said she's be ok if we did make it official before/during her trip.

Last weekend, I knew something was up, something was off with her. I visited her, and she told me she doesn't want me coming on the trip. She planned it as a solo trip, and she wants to enjoy it without any obligations back home. She wants to live in the moment live it day by day. I 100% understand this, because that's what I just experienced during my travels. But the only thing is, I don't want to lose her. She told me not to wait for her, and wants fait to decide. She told me to go on dates with other girls etc etc while she's gone.

I know 100% that: She. Is. The. One. I do not want to let this one go. She's met the whole immediate family, loves me, has said things like she wouldn't mind not going on a first date again, said the date that I did bring her on was the best first date, soul mate etc. We get along so well which is a type of bond I've never had from any previous relationship. We talked about a whole bunch of crazy stuff like that with all arrows pointing towards engagement/marriage, although we never talked about that directly.

Now we're kind of in limbo between now and when she leaves her trip. We/I don't know what to do. Of course I'm not going to wait for her, but I'm going to take the time that she's gone to focus on my career and myself, not hit the dating scene right away again. If I meet another girl, then whatever happens happens. But. When she comes home, and if I'm single, and she, then I definitely want to pursue it again.

I'm too stressed out this week since our talk. I don't know if there's another underlying issue here for her to change her mind so abrupt. I'm still waiting to hear from her so I can see her tonight and talk about it and ask her these types of questions. She's taking her sweet time to get back to me about that.

What should I do? Should I cut it all off between now and when she gets back? Keep trying to see her before now and when she leaves? Just I just give up all hope and not fight for it either now or when she gets home?

I want to live the time she's gone by this that I found online: "Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.” ~Sonia Ricotti"

I have every bit of confidence that her and I are meant together. I'm trying to remain optimistic and look at this from every angle.

Right now I'm just WAY to stressed out by this.

It's kind of sad I have to come here for advice, but I'm looking for some different opinions other that my family's, because they tell me the same thing over and over.

No one really knows the situation but me and her, so keep that in mind.

This has all evolved within the past month or so.

Thanks for your help



- - - Updated - - -

Letting Go of the One I Love***

[SomeGuy911]

I'm seeing her tonight, knowing I have to let her go. This is going to be the hardest thing I'll have to do I bet. But it's for the better.

[Wakeup]

Now we're kind of in limbo between now and when she leaves her trip. We

No, you're not in "limbo" at all. She's clearly laid it out to you as to what she is going to do with her life and either you accept that and enjoy your time with her until she leaves or you break up with her now, get on with your lives and if things are as dandy as you say they are with her as they are with you, as you mention iin this quote:

I know 100% that: She. Is. The. One. I do not want to let this one go. She's met the whole immediate family, loves me, has said things like she wouldn't mind not going on a first date again, said the date that I did bring her on was the best first date, soul mate etc. We get along so well which is a type of bond I've never had from any previous relationship. We talked about a whole bunch of crazy stuff like that with all arrows pointing towards engagement/marriage,

Then you'll re-unite when she gets back and she finishes playing and falling in love with some other random, like you did on your trip. I'd be worried sick for her well-being if I were her mother but hey... she's an adult child so not much anyone can do about her wanderlust.

In the meantime: There are lots of girls that are silly enough to think they can do casual sex (but most fail at it) that you don't have sit at home pining away for her either. Enjoy what you have with her until she's gone and then enjoy what comes your way while she's gone.

[SomeGuy911]

Thanks for your reply, mate. I'll follow up to this thread when she comes home because maybe someone else can learn from this as well.

In the mean time, we're still talking, I'm not going to burn bridges with her, and I'm going to set up a good foundation now with her before she leaves in hopes that we can pick up where we left off when she gets back. END ON A GOOD NOTE. I have to be very strategic about it while not playing stupid games. I was dealt this hand and now just have to roll the dice and hope that she doesn't meet "the man of her dreams" abroad, because, hey, I'm a pretty good catch or decides to stay and live in a country. Those are the only things against me at this moment. I think...?

While she is gone it going to play a huge part and will have lots to say about the future i.e. if she does talk to me asking for travel advice or anything just to keep contact. Right now she cares enough to keep talking to me and keeping me in the loop even though we aren't seeing each other that often. Hopefully she does this while she's gone. Praying for the best!

Wish me luck!


Cheers