stuck

[nycny]

Hi my ex broke up nearly a yr ago and since we been dating n having a great time.Eveything was ok till one day he was distant and i asked if he slept with someone else and he said yea sorry. It hurts cause i tried not to hate him n also tried to see where things would go .... He came over everyday and we had a relationship for four yrs and were doing infertility looking for a house and all... After i asked about if he slept with someone he followed it with i dont have feelings for you. I just dont get how he didnt if we were dating and he came here everyday. I feel used and betrayed. Guys please give me advice on how to move on. I really loved him and im doing my best to handle the situation. I live alone and continue to go to school but waking up is so hard. Just knowing someone i love is out there and not caring about how they hurt me. Also the other day he messaged me and said he would still like to spent thanksgiving together and that he may be an asshole but him mom is not. His mom has been helping me stay strong....

[TheEvilJester]

I am sorry that somebody did this to you. The most important thing for you to realize is that nothing is wrong with you. This guy sounds like a piece of crap. I am sorry if you don't want to hear that or believe that. I know how hard it can be to see that when you love somebody. Truth is, though, good people don't do that to people, and especially not so carelessly. I mean, the way you describe it, it sounds like it was so very casual to him. Like "Oh, woops. Yeah, sorry. I did cheat on you. Forgot to mention that."

You deserve somebody who will treat you are their one and only, not some pig who you give your heart only for them to stab it.

Unfortunately, only time will really heal your wounds. You need to take some time and realize that you are awesome and he sucks. Then, when you feel ready, get back out there in the dating world again. What will REALLY make you feel better again is when you meet a guy who knows how to treat you. That will help you to realize how much better off you are without this guy. That will help you realize he was never a man at all, just a big overgrown boy. But, you don't want to rush that either. Give yourself time to heal and be happy just with yourself first. Good luck, my friend.

[katyk]

I'm having difficulty following you. You broke up a year ago? Are you talking about since then or before that? Either way if he can be so cruel, ditch him! If you don't you will have one hell of a confusing, sad existence as this guy clearly doesn't value you or deserve your love. Take control honey, and never look back!

[nycny]

I am sorry that somebody did this to you. The most important thing for you to realize is that nothing is wrong with you. This guy sounds like a piece of crap. I am sorry if you don't want to hear that or believe that. I know how hard it can be to see that when you love somebody. Truth is, though, good people don't do that to people, and especially not so carelessly. I mean, the way you describe it, it sounds like it was so very casual to him. Like "Oh, woops. Yeah, sorry. I did cheat on you. Forgot to mention that."

You deserve somebody who will treat you are their one and only, not some pig who you give your heart only for them to stab it.

Unfortunately, only time will really heal your wounds. You need to take some time and realize that you are awesome and he sucks. Then, when you feel ready, get back out there in the dating world again. What will REALLY make you feel better again is when you meet a guy who knows how to treat you. That will help you to realize how much better off you are without this guy. That will help you realize he was never a man at all, just a big overgrown boy. But, you don't want to rush that either. Give yourself time to heal and be happy just with yourself first. Good luck, my friend.

Thanks another thing since then he messaged me saying he will still like to spend thanksgiving together i ignored it then again today said am i going to the dinner or not ....i ignored he said it in those exact words and im so confused as to why he will think i will want to be near him when im so heartbroken

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I don't know why he would still want you to spend time with him for the holiday. My first instinct would be it is because he still wants to get you back.... but NOT because he appreciates you. Simply because he enjoys the attention you give him. My guess would be he is hoping you will go back to him, because this will tell him that he can get away with treating you poorly and you'll still come back to him. Even if you went back to him, I very much doubt he'd change at all. He'd just eventually cheat on you again.

Of course, that is just my instinct. There could be other reasons he still wants you to come to Thanksgiving with his family. The thing is, it doesn't really matter the reasons, you deserve better than him. You need to remove him from your life. So, if I were you, I would most definitely NOT go.

As far as how to respond to his messages.... I guess that is really up to you. I would personally see no problem with you ignoring them. But, if you feel better about it, just send a short message to say "I will not be coming." Whatever you do, don't let him drag you into a discussion about it. He doesn't deserve you. Don't even give him the chance to try to convince you otherwise.