OK so a little over 2 years ago a relationship ended with someone with some bpd/npd....it had many highs and lows ....great moments and intensity....it didn't end perfectly the way I'd hoped it would if it was foing to end....it may have left me a little bitter
Somewhere about a year later I met a friend through a male friend...the 3 of us hung out together frequently and had alot of fun...and eventually this girl developed a liking towards me and asked me to hang out just the two of us on occasion...and weve been going and having fun pretty much ever since....we often do things couples do but I've always been careful not to really go too far and too freQuent...
We go out and people think we're dating...servers at restaurants will tell us that we should be and that were funny and too cute.., that we argue like an old married couple ....in general I feel pretty comfortable and know I can be myself....even the occasional obnoxious and annoying self lol....over the course of time she's made several little pushes and suggestions that we go on an "official" date....and I just kind of brush it off....at first it was easier because I could say I need more time and whatever but as time has wore on that's not a good excuse
A little over a week ago I think she decided to make a last ditch effort and asked me to hang out and get some dinner....I don't think it went as well as she hoped for and when we went out for drinks after dinner she wanted to call it an early night pretty quickly
FF to last night and at 2 am makes a fb post about what an amazing night she had and how she's a "happy girl" and how she hadforgotten what a "real first date was like"...ya a little jab to my gut I guess....then today one of those e cards "when u stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you"....haha ouch
I really wish I could have given myself to her and been what she needed....I just don't think it's there for me....sometimes I can't tell if it's just not there with her and I'm looking for a little more or if even if I find that I'll end up pushing that away too....I Def have an ego and always have....so I feel a little shitty....even tho I have no real reason to....she's a real good friend and deserves to be loved fully and appreciated by someone....guess it just hurts to feel like she gave up (which says a lot about me prob since it's usually the man doing the chasing)....I guess I feel like I may be losing a good friend and security blanket too.....dunno what kind of advice can be given but it might just help me to write this out for myself