The Biggest F***-up Of My Life

[barpbarp]

I'm a 29/M in a 2-year relationship with a 23/F. I've had a very bad month, extreme pressure at work, barely sleeping, stress tearing me apart. Not trying to make an excuse, just giving the prelude.

Had an ongoing quarrel about money with the GF for some time, and yesterday in the middle of an argument I just exploded. Became extremely rude and cruel just in seconds. Yelled and called her names. She just started crying and asked me to leave. What I did, in fury. Only on my way home I realized what did I do. She is heartbroken. Didn't block me off, but barely communicates. Wants to break up, what I completely understand, but I love her from the bottom of my heart.

She is my everything. I can't imagine my life without her, even a single day. She is the person I was going to marry. And now it's all gone, thanks to me... Not sure if and how will I be able to fix this, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself. Please advise...

[michelle23]

Is this a one off or do you have a history of being emotionally or verbally abusive? In general, do you find it difficult to control anger, stress or frustration? If yes, i recommend counselling and/or anger management.

Sometimes these things happen and it can be forgiven with a sincere apology and a real effort not to repeat the behavior. She deserves your respect and to be treated with love and care no matter what you are arguing about. She should always feel safe with you

[Wakeup]

You're arguing (often) about money? What is she doing? Is she spending your money or not saving hers? If you're not financially compatible, if she's in a lot of debt or if you save and she spends everything of her own then she has entitlement problems that maybe, just maybe you're better off not being in a relationship with her. Why continue on just to end up divorced? You're not getting along at 2 years, you're completely stressed and you're not being your best around her. Think about it.

It takes much more then love for a relationship to endure.

[pcmaster]

Well at least you didnt use force. Your mistake was to leave straight afterwards. At least you should come back the same day and hug her and ask how she feels. Now if you havent done that yet then do it. yes these things sometimes serves as the reason for breakup but it doesnt mean its over. You can still apologize bring her flowers. You know dont change the way she thinks but the way she feels.
Shes a young girl but it doesnt mean shes perfect. There was something that lead you to explode. Maybe she wasnt listening or respecting you enough. You wouldnt explode on your own just from blue air.

[woody]

When clear skies become ominous shades of red rage, it's time to get some help. As others have brought up, there are many possible variables here; possible triggers. Like **ing money issues.

Bottom line? Well uh, having had a few 'anger management' issues myself in the past I can say with full confidence that I had my reasons and I'm sure you do too; yet when the big guns come out to play when all there is a little innocent rabbit shaking in the corner wondering what the ___ your going to do, well, time to get a grip.

I lived alone so no one was around (no humans that is). Had no running water in the Winter and was freezing cold, hungry and it made me real cranky and one day, I flipped out, badly. Yelled, threw things, broke stuff, RED RAGE full on. Terrible.
In the corner of my eye while in the throws of my fit I noticed my furry four legged friends, my dog, my cat huddling in the corner of our home, scared of me. Just broke my f--ing heart. Just crumbled. I knew then I needed help. I can't believe I scared them like that. I'll never forgive myself or forget.
Weed helped.

Look, you made a mistake; granted, a scary one. You scared her. Aside from your relationship with this lady, have you flipped out badly before and if so, what was it about then?

I know it may seem 'oh you flippin hippy' to some but if you cannot get into a therapist of sorts, I do honestly suggest a visit with ol Mary Jane now and then. Especially when you feel it coming on, go have a toke (just one); it'll calm you down, help you see clear, bring you back to the soothing ground; the plant works. Don't wanna smoke it? Fine. cookies it is.
Don't like the whole stigma attached to Mary? Valerian Root to help you sleep better.
and speaking of roots, get to the root of why your stressing so much. RE evaluate.
But yes, let your lady cool off, you too and take it from there. What else can you do? Save taking responsibility for your actions.

You could tell her you know you flipped out badly, your talking to people about how to help this and that your so, so very sorry.

good luck man

[drleo]

that is simple go to her and apologize tell her how you felt that time and tell her you wont do it again,secondly you just called her names you dint use force on her but you walked away and am sure you did the right thing because you never knew what you would have done next. just apologize to her if people can apologize after cheating and they are forgiven then what about you and do what ever it takes to have her back