Can I ever trust my much younger mistress??

[stage wrong]

Basilandthyme, thank you for your very thoughtful response. Your partner of 20 years is a lucky chap. Goodluck with your business.

Much to think about

Mike

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Pcmaster great response thanks. I have a romantic heart which puts me at particular risk with younger woman who fall in and out of love so fast.

Mike

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Shortyrock thanks for the vote of confidence :-)

Mike

[TablesandChairs]

I think you risk going from one problematic relationship to another - with the common link being that you leap before you think. Your heart (and groin) shouldn't be doing the thinking for you.

I won't judge you for your past - living with an alcohol is hell. You're separated now so that's now. But it baffles me how you think this woman's age is a minor detail. It's not - it's a huge detail. You are at drastically different life stages and as the years go by, that will become more and more pronounced. Your situation is not at all uncommon but the only older men who manage to keep their much younger partners are those with a lot of money to throw...and even then, things go south.

I get it - she was probably a breath of fresh air compared to your ex wife - uncomplicated, fun, high sex drive...these are the privileges of youth. But you're a grown man and time goes forwards, not backwards...and even if you did manage to recapture her somehow, the likelihood of it lasting is minimal.

There's a point when you have to grow up and think realistically. Realism is not dating a 22 year old and expecting a happily ever after.

[nicole.s.]

I'm 25 years old and although I am currently dating a much older man, I am leaving him soon because I realize that the age difference is just too much (among other things). He wasn't married or in a relationship when I met him, and he is not successful in money. It was my first time ever dating an older guy. It was refreshing to be with someone older and more experienced. Someone who had already faced his demons, etc. So you're sort of hearing this advice from the other side. I've also had other friends in the same situation once and they told me that they felt the same way as I now do:
1. No matter what, a girl in her 20's is just too young. At one point or another, we think we know what we want, but we most certainly do not. I'm realizing that more and more. There is a VAST difference between someone in her 20's, 30's, and even 40's.
2. At first, dating an older man seems like the best thing ever. Eventually the age gap starts bothering us though. You start feeling more like a dad. And then we realize that in the future when we still have a lot of youth left in us, you will be retired, and be in a completely different stage of life than us. We start thinking about how it would be with someone our own age who is much more on our path. Someone we can really explore life fully and completely with.

I also want to point out a few things about what you said. I can understand why you might have cheated on your wife. As I get older I realize how frighteningly common adultery is in the adult world. You were in a abusive relationship for years with your ex wife and that took a toll on your self esteem. I'm not condoning it but it's understandable. Kudos to you for separating yourself from her. It wasn't fair to the both of you to stay in a relationship that you weren't happy with. About Hellen, I think she is much too young. The harsh reality is that if she cheated with you, she will do it to you, and she obviously has already done that. Stop fooling yourself, dear. I might be in a relationship with an older man, and realizing that he's not for me, but I would never help someone sneak around. If you want my raw honesty I think you need to forgive yourself for jumping into a marriage much too soon. You need to forgive your ex-wife and try to move on from Hellen. Be a dad to your kids as best as you can, because trust me, they need you. I think Hellen could be taking advantage of an older man's deflated ego who was in a relationship with an abusive wife and was trying to avoid the fear of his mortality. If she is having those flings with other guys then she'll be alright. You need to focus on healing, learning to love yourself, try new things, and find someone closer to your age that has things figured out emotionally. You'll be happier for it in the long run.

[katyk]

Hi Mike,

You have had some pretty harsh comments (well some down right rude ones to be fair) I'll put a different slant on it! You sound like you've just freed yourself from a marriage which you entered into very young and where you probably felt undervalued and possibly unloved for most of it? Your head was turned by a young, exciting girl who possibly saw you as a sugar daddy and who no doubt in turn found you exciting. She was a catalyst in doing something about your life but I sense you do know the answer to your question?

If you were just enjoying her company and she doesn't break the bank meantime, I would say what have you got to lose by enjoying 'the moment' ? Except you admit you are in love with her and as such, you could be potentially heading for more heartache. Ask yourself; Do you need this?

My suggestion would be not to rush into any commitment or relationship with anyone until the wounds have healed from your marriage. Just concentrate on finding 'you' and everything else will fall into place naturally. But as someone hinted, if you play the field, don't be careless! Good luck

[dontaskme]

I'm 25 years old and although I am currently dating a much older man, I am leaving him soon because I realize that the age difference is just too much (among other things). He wasn't married or in a relationship when I met him, and he is not successful in money. It was my first time ever dating an older guy. It was refreshing to be with someone older and more experienced. Someone who had already faced his demons, etc. So you're sort of hearing this advice from the other side. I've also had other friends in the same situation once and they told me that they felt the same way as I now do:
1. No matter what, a girl in her 20's is just too young. At one point or another, we think we know what we want, but we most certainly do not. I'm realizing that more and more. There is a VAST difference between someone in her 20's, 30's, and even 40's.
2. At first, dating an older man seems like the best thing ever. Eventually the age gap starts bothering us though. You start feeling more like a dad. And then we realize that in the future when we still have a lot of youth left in us, you will be retired, and be in a completely different stage of life than us. We start thinking about how it would be with someone our own age who is much more on our path. Someone we can really explore life fully and completely with.

Good for you Nicole... At least someone here my age is as smart as I am and realize early enough that at some point, huge disparity in age just ain't gonna work for the majority, not when it feels like you're sleeping with Dad or Mom or a much older sistah if you're a guy, for that matter.