My girl thinks I am not over an old ex, and that my commitment is not 100% to her

[tomcochrane]

Maybe she likes punishment. Shes might be one of those you know. And you could end up punished on a regular basis and even in bedroom.

At least good news is that you are in touch again and she dont ignore you. But it seems like she dont take you serious when you try to justify yourself. Sometimes people like this can push you to lie so they can hear what they want to hear lol.

Dont let hear break you lol. Brace yourself so you wont flip out and start argue because its useless and you both are just going circles already.

Yeah thats why it was going in circles cos she believes a load of crap that isnt true and I keep justifying myself and rightly so, not admitting to things i didnt do or wasnt planning. Shes got control issues, said that in the relationship she would like to be in control! Then had trouble admitting she had control issues! And the thing is, underneath it shes weak. Im the one who knows my feelings, knows what is right and wrong and im the one who said right, we are going to dinner and we are not going to talk about this crap. I regularly support her in bad situations, but she can be too weak to even ask for help. She wears a mask of strength and stubborness, she would like to break the february deadlock but says she canf because that would make her look weak to me! What a JOKE!

In the bedroom i have her wrapped around my finger. Sex shouldnt be that important, well it is, but, she says no one has done it like me. I wonder if thats partly why she wants me. Cos i do punish her there! I tell her how it is in life too, trouble is she thinks shes always right and apparently she can also.....READ MY MIND!

[pcmaster]

You know when I had polish girlfriend she imagined a lot of things about me and then believed its true. Partly I understood why she thinks like that and those things MIGHT be true(taking in note what kind of person I was) but they wasnt. I blame myself for her thoughts because I think it came from lack of communication. In your case your girl had a lot of time to make new stories about you since you two been apart for a while.

[TablesandChairs]

If you want to pursue this, I think you need to reassess this control/punishment thing. She's a social worker so unless she's a very shitty one, she should know that people don't 'punish' or 'control' each other in healthy relationships - they discuss, compromise, come to agreements, communicate...no therapist on earth would say what she's doing is a good thing. Or even an acceptable thing.

Some people need to be brought back into line - she might be one of them so I'd suggest sticking to your guns. You're not her fool, you're her partner (hopefully) and my guess is that if you follow her 'orders', this will be a common occurrence.

[tomcochrane]

If you want to pursue this, I think you need to reassess this control/punishment thing. She's a social worker so unless she's a very shitty one, she should know that people don't 'punish' or 'control' each other in healthy relationships - they discuss, compromise, come to agreements, communicate...no therapist on earth would say what she's doing is a good thing. Or even an acceptable thing.

Some people need to be brought back into line - she might be one of them so I'd suggest sticking to your guns. You're not her fool, you're her partner (hopefully) and my guess is that if you follow her 'orders', this will be a common occurrence.

Exactly what I've been saying to her. Balance and compromise, you'll never respect me if you want to have control. She said thats the way she likes things in relationships, i even said well doesnt that tell you something about why you havent had any successful ones? She said she thought i liked it, cos sometimes I do hehe.

Though not all the time! Yes she thinks she will be a pushover if she gives in now and is apparently using the time to make sure that she isnt making a mistake because 'she wants to share a life with me' quite early for talk like that, but she projects. And yes she is a bit of a shitty social worker i think, always moaning about her clients or taking the piss!

Anyway. Things have taken a turnaround, apparently she is the only one allowed to contact me cos its 'her rules' and shes been ringing me every night since sunday. After we got over this ex text crap which i think we'll never agree on (She sees it as a plan with an engaged ex, also that im lying to both and pissed that i didnt tell the ex i met her! The latter is the main issue as she thinks why would i not do it if i dont have feelings for her. I just didnt think to tell her thats all, we spoke once a week if not two weeks.) we actually had some great conversations, deep, lasting up to two hours. I even rang HER last night, a big no-no a week or so ago, and she actually said thanks for the chat after!
She said she was still angry with me on sunday, but since we have had normal conversations she seems to be happy with me now and wanting to speak to me!
Last week she said dont necessarily expect 'kisses' or 'affection' when we meet in two days, but since our recent phone calls, and the fact we are getting on, I think theres more chance, seems the anger is fading,
Shes in canada for 2 weeks from the 23rd to visir her dying sister, its very sad,
Want to be there for her when she is back, might see if we can make the compromise there. As she doesnt have any other source of comfort, im being selfless, but also I do want to see her and would love to be the one providing the comfort. She has one friend who she rarely sees and her sister that lives with her is her only relative in the UK and is away till may, so she will have no one

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You know when I had polish girlfriend she imagined a lot of things about me and then believed its true. Partly I understood why she thinks like that and those things MIGHT be true(taking in note what kind of person I was) but they wasnt. I blame myself for her thoughts because I think it came from lack of communication. In your case your girl had a lot of time to make new stories about you since you two been apart for a while.

True. Did we have the same girlfriend?! Haha

You cant blame yourself for her thoughts, no person can make another feel a way about anything. It is down to them to choose how they feel, not you.

[pcmaster]

Well I blame myself because I let her think like that. Then again looking at you I see that its not so easy to stop girl thinking the wrong way. You know your girl seems really inexperienced. And thats where from part of craziness might come from. Looks like she mind ****s herself and dont see the difference between what is real and whats not. Like paranoia mixed together with insecurity and lack of trust.

But I dont want to say anything bad about your GF. Looks like this BS is over and you both doing better everyday. Well done man, well done.

[tomcochrane]

Well I blame myself because I let her think like that. Then again looking at you I see that its not so easy to stop girl thinking the wrong way. You know your girl seems really inexperienced. And thats where from part of craziness might come from. Looks like she mind ****s herself and dont see the difference between what is real and whats not. Like paranoia mixed together with insecurity and lack of trust.

But I dont want to say anything bad about your GF. Looks like this BS is over and you both doing better everyday. Well done man, well done.

We went out for dinner. I was a bit drowsy, is because I'm taking anti depressant medication. We kissed before properly, then we had dinner it was nice, then she asked me if I was taking something and I told her yes. She wasnt happy initially, said that it was disappointing and not attractive to her to be with me, and I dont need it. We then finished our drinks, and she took me home. I said I'll call her in a week (she's going to Canada to visit her dying sister stage 4 cancer for christmas). Then we agreed we would meet after, so thats good I then texted her saying Im doing this for myself, filmed it and chuck them down the toilet then sent the video to her. Now I've woken up the day after the night before feeling down. Though I'm glad at first I got a proper kiss from her, I needed that. Then at the pub when the revelation was revealed she wouldn't want me touching her, but as I left her car she started rubbing and touching me and was being affectionate, so I'm sure I've done the right thing for myself and that she is willing to speak to me, and then see me when she returns in January.

Opinions please

[MENTION=67819]TablesandChairs[/MENTION]
[MENTION=72336]woody[/MENTION]
[MENTION=42177]pcmaster[/MENTION]

Thanks guys x

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[QUOTE=Tables.[/QUOTE] Advice, opinions please?

[pcmaster]

Its amazing how easy she can change your mind. Think you shouldn't trow out your meds because of her. Doctor gave you them for a reason. You know my mum dont like when Im taking pills too. She says - "Stop eating pills, you will be sleepy again". She says im slow when on pills. Think now its better because I got used to them and also I didnt listen to my mum but kept using them. Womens you know. Cant take them seriously all the time.

Well but since you flushed your meds in toilet lol now you will have to be smarter and do all the right things to be able live well without them.

[tomcochrane]

Its amazing how easy she can change your mind. Think you shouldn't trow out your meds because of her. Doctor gave you them for a reason. You know my mum dont like when Im taking pills too. She says - "Stop eating pills, you will be sleepy again". She says im slow when on pills. Think now its better because I got used to them and also I didnt listen to my mum but kept using them. Womens you know. Cant take them seriously all the time.

Well but since you flushed your meds in toilet lol now you will have to be smarter and do all the right things to be able live well without them.

So i did the right things....she wants to see me without them. To be strong. She says she will see me after christmas, and then the meds will be gone! So i have to stand strong with this. I will call her in a few days.

[woody]

NO.

WTF !! I'm sorry but as soon as I read how she was against your medication and used this stage of your recovery against you, I thought (and I don't use this word lightly and I even said it out loud) "what a dumb, arrogant bitch" followed by, "who the f___ does she think she is?" Know that I shocked my sweetheart when I blurted out these words so you know I mean it.

Tom, what the hell man?! You don't throw your medication out for any reason and any bird that implies your less attractive to her because of this is a moron, at least, part moron. Shitty Social Worker indeed. By golly, what the hell. She's not a f--ing Doctor, what the hell.

I went back and read the scoop, got the update and was fairly pleased with how things were going aside from the obvious control issues on her part but after the restaurant incident (telling you she didn't like the meds), if you were my brother, I'd have a serious talk with this lady. She is not a Dr. What is she doing here? Her actions are selfish. She is not thinking of you. You must know this.

big sigh. Man, please go back to you Dr. It is your business, not hers. YOURS. And no one has bugger all right to tell you F all about your med regime. What a bad move on her part. YOu can't let her do that to you man. Get back on the meds; they were prescribed for a reason, please, come on, please.

I get that you really like this lady; this much is very obvious BUT if you allow her to control you so early on, what pray tell do you think it will be like down the road? Again, I stress, she is not a Dr; she does not know. And for a social worker to interfere in one's recovery like this on a medicinal level is being a M O R O N. A dangerous move on her part. She has made a huge mistake and you played right into it. Filming yourself flushing them down the toilet. My golly man, wtf. Who does she think she is. What the heck are you doing?

Okay, I'm calming down. Sigh. Stand up for yourself. She has no right, none.
This is your recovery time. Do right by yourself. If she can't comprehend that there is a justifiable reason for the anti depressants, she's just dumb in that way.
Sorry to hear about her sister but when she returns, I really hope you'll be back on the meds prescribed by your Doctor and when she asks about them, tell her that info is between you and your Doctor and she has no right to interfere unless she's had 8 years of med school which she has not so there.

[TablesandChairs]

Yeah, I thought it was exceptionally nasty too. To puts things into perspective - your girlfriend and I work in similar industries - if I said that to a client, I would get fired.

Your doctor has prescribed you a drug - they made an educated decision to put you on medication based on what you told them. It's not uncommon for people who have quit drugs to fall into depression. It takes 6 weeks to adjust to meds and tiredness/fogginess is a common side-effect initially. In 2 months, you can then make a decision as to whether you want to continue with them or not.

To tell you that it's 'unattractive' and to encourage you to dispose of medication prescribed to you...what the? All this because you were a bit tired, which didn't suit the precious high priestess?

It's your life, OP - I don't know her, maybe she has a really good side...not sure if her bitch side balances it all out though.

[pcmaster]

Well its just easier to feel good with meds. For example I knew exactly what I need in life to get along without pills. Maybe you know too.

[TablesandChairs]

Anti depressants aren't happy pills (hence why they're not abused) but they help subdue some of the nasty stuff (anxiety and depression) so that the person has the opportunity to move forward with his/her life. It's hard to get anywhere with those symptoms.

Either way, the decision to take them (or not) should be between you and your doctor.

I hope, OP, that you're beginning to see why, at age 30, she's never had a proper relationship. I also hope you can start realising that it's not you - it's not what you've done. If it wasn't this thing with your ex, it would have been something else.

[woody]

Yes Tom, I'm sticking to my guns, my response though I know it was harsh of me using some of the words I used and I'm sorry about that. It's just, I have a man who is fragile right now himself, going through something similar to what you went through (though I know not what your substance was, only that you sought out help which is HUGE and I applaud you your efforts) My sweetheart is still in denial over alcohol abuse. But I can tell you I WOULD NEVER dissuade him from a medical regime his Doctor prescribed and I find it a real hum dinger that She has done this with you. It just seems really twisted and selfish of her and the fact she's a social worker really makes me scratch my head with wondering what's her angle and why?

She hasn't known you long though you have shared very personal details with her as one does with their social worker. I believe she threw out the 'worker' aspect at the door and behaved as a woman attracted to a man. But what kind of woman is the question here. Who would interfere with their potential loves recovery like this? Huh? What kind of a person does this?

Now I understand you'll be protective of her as this is what happens when our hearts get involved but I ask you, at what cost? Your own?
Ahh, big sigh. I don't know why I've become so round up over your story. At first I felt for her due to the mishap with the ex but as you share more of her actions, I just don't know anymore man. I'm sorry.

Bottom line. She's not a Doctor and she had no right to pull on your threads like that. And You need to stand up for yourself here.
Please go back to your Dr. and get back on your medications. They have been prescribed for a reason. YOu may only need to take them for a few months, who knows; THAT is between YOU and your Dr.

Maybe she'll call and apologize and realize her actions were very thoughtless. You can take things from there but the main thing? The main thing right now IS YOU, healing

[tomcochrane]

Yes Tom, I'm sticking to my guns, my response though I know it was harsh of me using some of the words I used and I'm sorry about that. It's just, I have a man who is fragile right now himself, going through something similar to what you went through (though I know not what your substance was, only that you sought out help which is HUGE and I applaud you your efforts) My sweetheart is still in denial over alcohol abuse. But I can tell you I WOULD NEVER dissuade him from a medical regime his Doctor prescribed and I find it a real hum dinger that She has done this with you. It just seems really twisted and selfish of her and the fact she's a social worker really makes me scratch my head with wondering what's her angle and why?

She hasn't known you long though you have shared very personal details with her as one does with their social worker. I believe she threw out the 'worker' aspect at the door and behaved as a woman attracted to a man. But what kind of woman is the question here. Who would interfere with their potential loves recovery like this? Huh? What kind of a person does this?

Now I understand you'll be protective of her as this is what happens when our hearts get involved but I ask you, at what cost? Your own?
Ahh, big sigh. I don't know why I've become so round up over your story. At first I felt for her due to the mishap with the ex but as you share more of her actions, I just don't know anymore man. I'm sorry.

Bottom line. She's not a Doctor and she had no right to pull on your threads like that. And You need to stand up for yourself here.
Please go back to your Dr. and get back on your medications. They have been prescribed for a reason. YOu may only need to take them for a few months, who knows; THAT is between YOU and your Dr.

Maybe she'll call and apologize and realize her actions were very thoughtless. You can take things from there but the main thing? The main thing right now IS YOU, healing

Yeah it is for me that I'm taking them and its annoying she cant accept it, but as you said she knows me. Therefore knows about incidences in the past, so thought that I'm still trying to get drugs to abuse. I've moved house in the last few days, now down to east london a little bit further or around same distance but means I can bring her here. I got an emergency script from the hospital for 28 15mg tablets but I've not been taking them (actually have 31) They are mirtazapine (AKA Remeron to american friends). So thats a months worth I've got but was supposed to go on to 30mg instead yesterday but couldn't get to the GP. I won't get to see my new GP for another week or so but could do the jump myself by taking two a day leaving me with 2 weeks or so worth of meds, though as I said I haven't been taking them for around a week. I did take a cheeky one as a sleep aid last night as it was late and I couldn't sleep.

She thinks any drug prescribed or not with any drowsy/sedative/euphoric side effects are same as illegal and the fact I abused prescribed drugs like these in the past with similar side effects (valium, codeine, tramadol etc) is her reasoning for why I asked for them, she believed me eventually I'm not but she still questioned the fact of why I need them in the first place as she is in a bad place, her sister is about to die at any moment and they don't take them. My reasoning was that my family life was horrible and I was upset about this february waiting period.

Now I've moved and the feb situation seems to have changed my depression seems to have lessened and I shouldn't really take them if not needed. I feel alright now that I'm taking steps to sort myself out and within a few days I've already moved, unpacked, started registration with a local GP, sorting out my housing welfare, and enrolled on a drug group service. I'm doing grest in that regard, so I may cancel my prescription.

She always saw me as a confident person, saying that I was great for someone for her to talk to and she needs that in her life, she has no family and one friend. She wants that back, for me to be who I was not someone who seemed 'drugged up' on that night, but ultimately said its for me I'm doing this not her. So I need to think about it that way and I think I can be that person.

I told her to think about herself and her family too as thats whats important as it could be the last time she sees her sister ever again. I texted her yesterday saying I am thinking of her and missing her and that I would call tomorrow (sun). She didn't text back but I wasn't giving her reason too. I was thinking about asking her out tomorrow aswell, but its the day before she flies, so I won't. We talked about meeting after her visit anyway and she seemed happy and agreedm with that. It felt so good to kiss her again last week, I really like her, we have the best intimate moments where we lie together after and we get so much from each other even though we're so different theres such a magical spark (cheesy I know), never awkward even when out on that day last week, more than anything she was more concerened and disappointed with me than anything else. Also its true that when I'm clean of everything including scripts everything flows so well and shes such a sophisticated beautiful lady with a warm heart when I knock her shield off (thats what happens when I'm totally clean off everything).

So tomorrow I'll wish her well, and I hope by the time she comes back I'll be that person I was in June/July/Oct/Nov that strong confident man that she was ravenous form and can satisfy all of her and my needs I hope that hasn't faded away a little bit from the past litlle rough patch and it can be corrected ?

Also she was so happy with her presents, she liked all the selection of jewellery and trinkets I got for her, and the engraved silver jewellery box. We had many passionate moments after that. She would be brutally honest if she didn't like any of them, I know her almost as much as she does me now.
Though she wouldn't give me the christmas present she got me! As it was the end of the night when I asked and she realised I was medicated by then it was such a special intimate night right up to the final drink when she twigged. She said in a cheeky jokily way I didn't deserve it till after xmas as she was disappointed in me and it was too expensive and would give it to me when she returns, So I'm wondering what it is now!

Oh well, I don't think I've done something I shouldn't have done. I'm in a stable place now, maybe she even helped me realise I didn't need it. I hope we have a nice chat tomorrow and that I and we can have all the great things we have had for the new year and that her interest hasn't dwindled in me. That's what I worry about,
Phew, long again,
Info/advice anyone?

Also I was speaking for a long time on the phone to another girl the last couple of days who goes to my drug/alcohol service, we speak because we have similar drug patterns. Her boyfriend also started beimg a dick recently. Then she started saying she liked someone else but was too scared to ask as apparently its the mans job, she doesn't like rejection: and that he wouls probably never ask; anyway turns out yesterday it was me she was talking about.......!!!
Knowing full well I have a bird too!


Ok enough from me!
Over to you guys, how you getting on this xmas too?
X

[woody]

Anyone? Can anyone else tell Tom what this sounds like?

Tom C,

While I applaud you your efforts of attempting to maintain a happy demeanor without the prescription, I must again tell you, your Dr. prescribed them for a REASON.
Now I am not a G.P however I do know it is unsafe to go on them, then go off them, back on, so forth, so on. Even if it's just a few days worth and then nothing, No. Not cool.

You say her Family is dealing with tragedy right now and she tells you "well we don't need antidepressants" Well good for her. Her brain is not your brain, nor the sisters.
Our inner neurotransmitters and synapse charges are all wired slightly different and she needs to get this. Interfering with your medication regime is not cool.
It is none of her business. If she can't grasp that these meds are not street drugs or painkillers but medication to help you so you don't need to be thinking about the past drugs, why then would she have a problem. Seems really odd to me.

But you seem rather gob smacked by this lady. I can only hope you get back on and stay on the full length of your meds and continue your path back to yourself. If you took a few and feel better, isn't that your answer right there. Their working. Figure it out.

This is your life. Yours. She wants a confident man? Poppy cocks. She wants to be able to control a man. That's what this sounds like I'm sorry to say man but It really does. Call her bluff. Get back and stay on the meds. Let them help you. The groggy won't last long. She won't even be able to tell by the time she returns and frankly, when she asks, it's none of her flippin business.

I wish you well. get back on and stay on the meds and if you don't, man, you need to talk to your Dr first. It is not safe to mess with the chemical balances in your brain. Get it and get it good.

sorry for the tough approach but something tells me you need a tough older sister here and I'm more than happy to, after all the words we've exchanged, to offer my anonymous cosmic what for.