A Year - Can I Get Him Back?

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

Hey everyone, I'm new to the forum and wasn't sure exactly where I wanted to post this but since it is dealing with a breakup this seemed most suitable, however feel free to direct me elsewhere if necessary.

I'm going to start with a bit of back story so I apologize in advance for the long post.

I'm 21 and my ex boyfriend is 19. We met in High School when I 16 and he was 14. I had the biggest crush on him but never acted on it because I had been in a 2 year relationship at the time. 3 years later we ended up dating. I was ecstatic about the whole thing because he had been my crush for so long. We dated for nearly a year and it was amazing, he started opening up to me in ways I had never seen before, there were whole other sides to him that I never knew existed and the more I learnt about him, the further I fell for him. We had more in common with each other than I even knew. Our relationship was great, I will admit there were some trust issues on my part but he was always happy to help me get past them.

The end of our relationship came kind of suddenly. I think we both had all these ideas about how things would go once he finished High School and of course, life had other plans. The more things would go wrong, the more I would push him away. For a while he had fought really hard for our relationship, but after some time he finally just gave in. He said he felt like he was always letting me down and to be honest I can see where he was coming from. He had just started college and I was always wanting more from him than he could give at that time.

After we broke up we still stayed extremely close. We would still text on a daily basis and talk on the phone. He would say things like "you'll always be my princess" and just generally be sweet. We hungout fairly often, went to movies or met up at the college. Things were pretty good between us until one morning before school he sent me a text saying "Hey We really need to hangout during the Christmas break, I miss you! I'll text you after class hugs and kisses" and than he just never did...

3 months go by without contact from him. I continued to send him a text a month just saying things like "Hope you're okay and that school is going well for you" but he'd never respond. He had stopped logging onto facebook as well. Finally on the third month I sent him a message and he responded saying "I'm sorry I just stopped talking to you, that was really wrong of me. Things have been really difficult for me but you do deserve a message, you didn't do anything wrong, I don't want you to think that but truthfully I'm still not ready to talk. I'm sorry" A week later he messaged me ready to talk and wanting to hangout. Again, things were good for a while until he suddenly cut contact again.

-End Back Story-

We have been broken up for over a year now and he has gone from wanting to be friends, to absolutely no contact 3 times now. We are currently talking again and have been for about a month. Things have changed a lot since we last talk 4 months ago, my mom passed away and I know he's been going through a lot of changes as well. Things genuinely feel different this time, but I don't know if it's good or bad. I just got home from hanging out with him and things were kind of weird. There is still like this little spark between us, we have so much fun when we're hanging out and it's like momentarily we stepped back in time. We are both still attracted to each other and things got a bit inappropriate and we ended up kissing and stuff but we quickly put an end to it before it got to far. He told me he hasn't been with anyone else since we broke up which sounds like a good thing, but then he said something that made it sound like he just wants to be single so now I'm not so sure :/

It's like in some ways things are better than the last time we talked, and in others they are worse. I just don't know what to do or how to act around him. After the kissing I got a bit upset and we both agreed that this visit wouldn't count, we would have a do-over sometime during the Christmas break. He also said that he wanted to communicate more and he is going to try to call me more often.

I want him back, I just don't know if I have a shot anymore. I feel like if I were to just be friends with him things could eventually lead to us dating - we have that much of a connection when we hangout I can see it leading back to that - but I find myself getting frustrated and trying to push for more, faster. There is also the fact that in the past any time he started to get close to me again he would away and stops talking, which is one of my main fears.

I'm sorry if none of this makes sense. It's 4am here and I am having trouble stringing sentences together. I'll probably come back and edit this in a few hours after I get so sleep to make it more legible.
In the mean time does anyone have any ideas about what approach I should take to getting this boy back? Is it even possible at this point?

[breathe123]

He was the one you wanted for years & when you finally got together I think your dreams came true & its hard for you to give up on your fairy tale ending with him ~ Do you feel the growing up & school was the real reason for drifting apart?

Sounds like after the breakup you still were loving, close & best friends to me, that might have made it difficult for you both to completely move on & decided he needed to stay away from you because how close you both still remained ~ maybe he was confused about what he wanted with you?

Sorry about your mom passing away. See you meet up & you fall back into old dating behaviors, kissing etcs, this is why he avoids you, to distance his feelings & maybe move on, but he can't & obviously you can't either. Do you wonder if he is being honest about not dating anyone, he can have sex with others & it not be called dating, just hookups. Have you dated?

You have to discuss how you feel, & he has to be honest if he wants or doesn't want that with you anymore, no more in limbo. Either do it, or move on for the best of you both.

You can't get someone back that doesn't fully want to go back, find out how he feels first, is it the same way you feel, & go from there.

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

He was the one you wanted for years & when you finally got together I think your dreams came true & its hard for you to give up on your fairy tale ending with him ~ Do you feel the growing up & school was the real reason for drifting apart?

Sounds like after the breakup you still were loving, close & best friends to me, that might have made it difficult for you both to completely move on & decided he needed to stay away from you because how close you both still remained ~ maybe he was confused about what he wanted with you?

Sorry about your mom passing away. See you meet up & you fall back into old dating behaviors, kissing etcs, this is why he avoids you, to distance his feelings & maybe move on, but he can't & obviously you can't either. Do you wonder if he is being honest about not dating anyone, he can have sex with others & it not be called dating, just hookups. Have you dated?

You have to discuss how you feel, & he has to be honest if he wants or doesn't want that with you anymore, no more in limbo. Either do it, or move on for the best of you both.

You can't get someone back that doesn't fully want to go back, find out how he feels first, is it the same way you feel, & go from there.

Thank you for the reply. 3 days after we hung out he cut contact again and I found out that not only did he make a whole new facebook which I am blocked from, he has been in a relationship with another girl for the past FOUR months... Meaning not only did he lie to me about his relationship status and deleting facebook, but he cheated on her with me! I checked out her facebook and she posted a photo of them the day after me and him hooked up last :/ That explains why things felt different between us this time.

I am absolutely shocked. He has never been a cheater. I really don't understand.

To answer your questions, no I don't think it was growing up and school that caused us to drift apart. I'm fairly certain it was my insecurities (which college made worse), and the fact that I didn't appreciate him as much as I should have. When we broke up he said that he felt like he was constantly letting me down because we couldn't see each other as much anymore, that he didn't feel like he was making me happy, and that he "couldn't balance his life"

I was going through a lot at the time and I didn't feel like I deserved him. I was scared he would meet someone better and leave me and when these thoughts entered my mind I would panic and pull the "we should just break up" or "your going to meet someone better" card (I think I thought it would hurt less if it was my choice) and every time he would fight for us.

Once he started college things obviously changed between us because we couldn't spend time with each other the same way as we used to and I acted like a spoiled brat about it, accusing him of not wanting to spend time with me even though I knew otherwise.

He bent over backwards to prove to me that he loved me and wanted to be with me, and by the end his school grades were suffering pretty badly for it. I think he just couldn't do it anymore, and I honestly don't blame him. Its not that I didn't care about him, or that I didn't appreciate him. It was that he was always so eager to please me that when I got insecure and threw false accusations at him I never really realized the toll it was having on him.

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

To my surprise I woke up this morning to a text from him. I hadn't expected this from him at all. He usually puts at MINIMUM a month between contact so this is new. I haven't responded yet.
Not really sure what to do at this point.

[anya_may21]

Wow, read all your story. He sounds real sketchy to me, you should always guess if quiet for a long time and years they never were there is another chick in the picture, even if he denies, people lie all the time.

Did you both only kiss or have sex too? You said he cheated with you, but I only read that you kissed???

Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal? Remember sketchy does things to protect their sketchiness.

What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?

If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, remember that fact always. Maybe better to move on from each other now, can you ONLY be his friend without romantic feels?

[breathe123]

@ Xox-Zip-xoX I knew it, that another girl was involved when he took a vacation from talking to you ~ Are you going to let him know you know the truth now & he boldface LIED to you when you asked him if he was with any one else.

Yes, like anya_may21 asked you, what did his new text say to you, and why do you hesitate to reply, are you disappointed, or angry at him right now?

I'd let him know you know & make him say why he lied & what is going on with him and if in a new relationship why kiss and hook up with you?

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

Wow, read all your story. He sounds real sketchy to me, you should always guess if quiet for a long time and years they never were there is another chick in the picture, even if he denies, people lie all the time.

I honestly believe this is the first girl who has been in the picture, just because the entire year things have been pretty much the same. I noticed there was a significant change in his behavior starting when they started dating. Never clued into why until a few days later when I was told he has a new girlfriend.

Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal? Remember sketchy does things to protect their sketchiness.

No, he deleted his old Facebook and created a whole new one 2 months BEFORE he asked me to be friends again. Right now he has no idea that I know about the new facebook, or the new girlfriend

What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?

It was just a morning message apologizing for not saying anything sooner and telling me he had sent his phone in to be repaired (it actually was broken when we hungout)

If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, remember that fact always. Maybe better to move on from each other now, can you ONLY be his friend without romantic feels?

I have always hated that accusation. I DO believe that if your guy has cheated on you once, he will cheat on you again. I don't however believe that said guy will cheat on every girl he dates thereafter. (unless they are a sociopath and serial cheat) I am wondering if emotional/personality disorders could lead to cheating?

I don't think I would ever trust having a relationship with him again, but I do still want him in my life as a friend.

@ Xox-Zip-xoX I knew it, that another girl was involved when he took a vacation from talking to you

He has cut contact with me on several occasions over the past year without another girl being involved.

[breathe123]

Did you delete your reply, Xox ~ says you quoted me in my notifications & posted in reply to me but there is no new message here from you.

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

Did you delete your reply, Xox ~ says you quoted me in my notifications & posted in reply to me but there is no new message here from you.

No! I'm not sure what happened to it. When I posted it said that it would need a mods approval before showing up. Not entirely sure why :/ maybe it has to do with the number of quotes I used?

[breathe123]

That isn't good if it ate your post ~ what did you do about his text, have you replied yet? Maybe you could see each other over the holiday & discuss it all in person.

[smackie9]

He's not a bad guy, he's a very confused guy. It's obvious he is still hung up on you so bad even tho he tried to move on with this other girl, it wasn't enough to stop him from seeing you. This girl he is seeing is just a rebound, you are the one he wants to be with. The trouble is you have been so indecisive, insecure, up and down with him, it has him pretty messed up. I bet his friends have been telling him to move on, go out date girls but he can't help himself. He's not a cheating lying bastard, being some kind of player, not at all. People in love get desperate, don't make the best decisions....He's desperate, you make him desperate, desperate for things to be as they were, and keeps living on that hope. Hope is why he won't tell you about this girl. He doesn't want to mess anything up if there is any hope getting back together. Remember this is the state of mind he is in.

So I have to ask you, Xox-Zip-xoX I, What do you truly want? What do you want with him? What do you want in life? Where do you see yourself 1, 2 3 years from now? Do you really have any idea or direction? You need to get your s hit together on this. Make up your bloody mind, and communicate with him, and stop playing games. If you know about this other girl, just confront him about it, but do it with understanding that he is confused. if you talk it out, you can work it out.

[anya_may21]

Oh, your post didn't post? Did you want to re reply or forget it?

It will be hard for you to be friends only if you still love him a lot, I know in the past I couldn't and had to just totally move on, as heartbreaking as it was.

Hope he tells you the truth next chat and you have a nice Xmas, sorry about your mom, lost mine this year too but they are still watching over us.

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

This is what I originally posted.

Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal? Remember sketchy does things to protect their sketchiness.

No, he deactivated his old Facebook several months before he contacted me again, than created a completely new one that I am blocked from.

What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?

He basically just sent a morning text and explained that the reason he hadn't text me was because he had to send his phone in to get repaired (it actually was on it's last leg when I hung out with him) As far as I am aware he has no idea that I know about the facebook or this new girl.

If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, remember that fact always. Maybe better to move on from each other now, can you ONLY be his friend without romantic feels?

Its actually kind funny, I never used to believe in accusations like this. I USED to believe that if a guy cheats on a girl once, he will cheat on the same girl again, however, I DIDN'T believe that said guy would cheat on every girl he is with after that - being in the situation makes me question those believes though. I don't know what I think anymore.

@ Xox-Zip-xoX I knew it, that another girl was involved when he took a vacation from talking to you

[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION] - The thing is he has cut contact from me several times in the past, and I am certain there was no other girls involved during those times so I didn't really see it coming this time, however I knew this time was different just by the way he was acting. He didn't seem like his usual happy self.


I know this might sound crazy, but I didn't expect him to text me again for a while, in the past he wouldn't have text me for a few months, so the fact that he did is a big deal for me.

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

This is what I originally posted.

Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal? Remember sketchy does things to protect their sketchiness.

No, he deactivated his old Facebook several months before he contacted me again, than created a completely new one that I am blocked from.

What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?

He basically just sent a morning text and explained that the reason he hadn't text me was because he had to send his phone in to get repaired (it actually was on it's last leg when I hung out with him) As far as I am aware he has no idea that I know about the facebook or this new girl.

If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, remember that fact always. Maybe better to move on from each other now, can you ONLY be his friend without romantic feels?

Its actually kind funny, I never used to believe in accusations like this. I USED to believe that if a guy cheats on a girl once, he will cheat on the same girl again, however, I DIDN'T believe that said guy would cheat on every girl he is with after that - being in the situation makes me question those believes though. I don't know what I think anymore.

@ Xox-Zip-xoX I knew it, that another girl was involved when he took a vacation from talking to you

[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION] - The thing is he has cut contact from me several times in the past, and I am certain there was no other girls involved during those times so I didn't really see it coming this time, however I knew this time was different just by the way he was acting. He didn't seem like his usual happy self.


I know this might sound crazy, but I didn't expect him to text me again for a while, in the past he wouldn't have text me for a few months, so the fact that he did is a big deal for me.

[Xox-Zip-xoX]

This is what I originally posted.

1 . Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal? Remember sketchy does things to protect their sketchiness.

2. What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?

3. If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, remember that fact always. Maybe better to move on from each other now, can you ONLY be his friend without romantic feels?

1. No, he deactivated his old Facebook several months before he contacted me again, than created a completely new one that I am blocked from.

2. He basically just sent a morning text and explained that the reason he hadn't text me was because he had to send his phone in to get repaired (it actually was on it's last leg when I hung out with him) As far as I am aware he has no idea that I know about the facebook or this new girl.

3. Its actually kind funny, I never used to believe in accusations like this. I USED to believe that if a guy cheats on a girl once, he will cheat on the same girl again, however, I DIDN'T believe that said guy would cheat on every girl he is with after that - being in the situation makes me question those believes though. I don't know what I think anymore.

@ Xox-Zip-xoX I knew it, that another girl was involved when he took a vacation from talking to you

[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION] - The thing is he has cut contact from me several times in the past, and I am certain there was no other girls involved during those times so I didn't really see it coming this time, however I knew this time was different just by the way he was acting. He didn't seem like his usual happy self.


I know this might sound crazy, but I didn't expect him to text me again for a while, in the past he wouldn't have text me for a few months, so the fact that he did is a big deal for me.