So yeah... just need advice and am hiding behind the invisibility of the internet. I am 21 and met a lady who is 17 online through games. We have all gotten pretty close. In fact we quit playing some games and stayed close enough to move on to others and talk outside games.
The problem being, despite it being clear on both sides we have something between us. I live in IN and might be moving to LA soon but hope not to be there long. She lives in VA. I am studying to get my ged after a horrible homeschooling and am taking care of my mother. She is about to graduate and will be moving onto collage. She studies to the point she over does but what little time she does have, she spends online with me.
We are extremely close, oddly so for the 4 months we've known each other. She will get close or get embarrassed and back off sometimes and I think I know why. She knows we really need to know each other in real life before anything more can be for sure. I am smart enough to know she is right and fixing my life as well as waiting for her to be 18 are all fine with me. But all this points towards a year before anything will move forward at all. Let alone moving over there.
I am good friends with her brother as well, meeting him through her and when she does her backing off she hides behind him. Once getting embarrassed and telling her mother, I was his friend rather than hers.
But what scares me, is that this wont work out. It may take awhile for me to move closer, if she starts collage her time is going to be studying and i worry that, that means she wont have time for me. And while there is the possibility we could meet and not think it would work, I am pretty sure we are alike/not alike enough that its a good balance. Plus, while we email and skype a lot of our relationship is also based on that we play the same games and I pretty much play what it is she wants to and have no problem with that. But if she should get out of games, that could hurt us. We both like to read and can talk books as well as movies.
Part of me lately has started to wonder if I should back away. Because I think we might be hurting each other and if it doesnt work, we may hurt each other more so. Yet both of us have let the other into our lives and thats not something I have had with anyone else online or real life and I believe it is the same on her end. She is very much the leader and probably the smarter one but if this is just going to hurt her, that is more than a reason for me to back off, let alone what hurt I am going through.
Am I being impatient? I dont think I can really let her just vanish from my life or push her away since she has been my best friend... There has been some talk of taking a vacation over to see her but I am scared that will hurt much much more, cause the need to stay close and have at least my friend close by would be all the more real. Yet it would give us a real idea of each other. And if by that point we arent anything more thats ok.
Would be lying if I didnt add I am also scared that we will loose what we have. The fact that we could be more... that could be lost but worse case I loose my friend.