Perfect boyfriend, but no sexual attraction

[Little_bee]

Hello dear friends,

I stumbled upon this forum in search for help. Me and my boyfriend are both 26, together for 7 years and living together. Not married, no children - just a dog. We have been through thick and thin and I must say he is the best person I have ever met - intelligent, wise, handsome, caring, and recently he started being more romantic too. There is one big problem though - sex.

Since we moved in together, something happened to him - he stopped taking care of himself. Now he always walks around in old clothes, unshaved, bathes once a week, started smoking, piled on weight. I told him several times that these things bother me, he acknowledged it and brushed it off every time. As of this, my sexual attraction to him is below cold zero and I feel awful because when he wants to have sex (and he does want it as much as any young man) I have the physical urge to pull away. When we do have it, I just wait for it to be over.

I know we should talk about it but I can't just tell him "I don't want to have sex with you because you look unsexy and your smell bothers me". I have no idea what to do. He thinks I'm just bored or hormonal or something and always asks me "What do you want to do in bed, we can try anything" - the problem is I don't want to try anything anymore.

I'm really frustrated because - shallow as it might sound - sexual attraction is really important to me. He's such a great person and we've been together for a long time. I thought he was the one for me, but I no longer see him as a "lover", just a person I really care about, as long as we don't have sex. Please help

[TablesandChairs]

I could never have sex with someone who didn't shower for a week. Or even for two days. It's gross. If he's just lazy (and not depressed etc.) then he either picks up his game or your future together will be uncertain.

[pcmaster]

Well the problem is that you still having sex. He dont have to change anything baout him and he still is getting sex. So why change? You just have to be more straight here and deny sex some time when you dont want it. It will hit him hard but he will find energy to change. You know he dont loves himself anymore so its hard to love him. Better ask him does he love you and if he says yes then ask why dont he takes care of himself anymore.
Basically if hes having sex with someone for example you then his body is not just his business anymore. There should be a compromise and communication. between you two. Think he should sacrifice more for this relationship. Right now its you who is going all the way but you two should meet in the middle of the bridge. At least make him shower before sex lol.

[TablesandChairs]

BTW - it's not shallow, it's basic decency to be clean/kept if you expect someone to have sex with you. Being together for several years doesn't mean you can literally turn into a pig. I mean, no matter how much you care for someone, if they're walking around in food-stained clothes, unclean and smelly...then only someone exceptionally weird could find that sexually appealing.

[Little_bee]

Thanks guys. Well, he does shower before sex, but the image I have of him in my head irritates me to no end. I'm scared that I've lost my attraction to him for good, because even the smallest of things, like for example the way he kisses me, make me want to run away

[atir12]

I'd say honesty is the best option. Be honest with him and tell him that you find it hard to be physically attracted to him when he doesn't take care of himself. That should make him do something about it.

[smackie9]

I'd say honesty is the best option. Be honest with him and tell him that you find it hard to be physically attracted to him when he doesn't take care of himself. That should make him do something about it.

This^^^^^ If you plan on marrying this guy you need to know one thing.....COMMUNICATE.

[michelle23]

I don't think you are being shallow. I think its part of having some self respect to take care of yourself and to want to look good for your partner. I think you just need to be honest with him. Tell him you love him but you fell in love with a man who took some pride in his appearance and made an effort and your finding it increasingly difficult to "get in the mood" these days because he is letting himself go. Tell him you don't want to hurt his feelings but you need some effort on his part

[Little_bee]

Yes, I will try to be honest with him. I think he now knows that "he got the girl for sure" and doesn't need to do anything else to keep me. Thank you!