Are we "just friends" what is going on here?

[PetitePixie]

I'm gonna apologise in advance because this post is gonna be long.

I've been hanging out with this guy for the last few week and I'm getting increasingly confused as to how he feels about me because while a lot of the "signs" are there he's not making a move.

Bit of backstory: I've known him for about a year, we used to work together, at work we would flirt non-stop, go on lunch breaks together, he would give me lifts home if he was on the same shift. In the past 3 months we've grown closer as friends and since he left work we've been seeing each other on a fairly regular basis. When I say seeing each other I mean cinema, drinks or I go round at is which ends up with me staying the night.

When we go out he's the perfect gentleman, he tries to pay for everything I have to literally run to the cashier to get a round of drinks in, he holds the door open for me, guides me trough crowds, etc etc...

When I go round at is a "couple of hours" watching movies turns into "the whole night" and I end up sleeping with him in is bed. He will lie right next to me is whole body contoured round mine, hand around my waist, chin resting on my collar bone. He will reach under my top, massage my back, kiss my neck and ears, touch my boobs and ass, grip my hair, run is hands all over my body but we've not had sex and he's not kissed me on the lips! Now don't get me wrong it's lovely for a change that a bloke doesn't wanna sleep with you the second your in their bed but I've handed myself on a plate to him on a couple of occasions and he's not taking the bait!

It's incredibly frustrating too because what he is doing to me is getting me all hot and bothered but there's no release. I'm having real trouble controlling myself and have to exercise every bit of self restraint so as to prevent myself from ripping his clothes off! It's torture!!!

Correct me if I'm wrong but "just friends" don't behave this way do they?
I mean I have other male friends who wouldn't dream of sharing a bed with me let alone touch me, if I staid the night at theirs I would be put up in the spare room or I would sleep on the sofa or something.
But if he "likes me" why his he not making more of a move?

I have work colleague's who have said he likes me, treats me completely differently to the way he treats other girls. He came into work the other day to say hello and have a quick chat and a new woman I work with who hadn't met him before he left our workplace, waited till he'd gone and then proceeded to ask me who he was. When I replied "a friend" she said "just a friend? Because there was an heck of a lot of chemistry and tension going on there"
My manager knows him quite well and she's said that he likes me but he's being respectful and taking it slow.

I'm confused what the heck is going on?

[Wakeup]

Use your common sense and your god given right to communicate and do so TO HIM! Not a forum board filled with strangers.

I'm having real trouble controlling myself and have to exercise every bit of self restraint

Why are you restraining yourself? Shit or get off the pot. Tell him what you want and if he doesn't give it to you then why are you in a stupid THING that only those that are Asexual would want.

Stop being so closed and just open up and tell him you want him. Or take things into your own hands and show him that you want more then a old married couples senior citizen snuggle.

[smackie9]

Guys who have no confidence will not make a move unless you do. You are not giving him strong enough signals. You need to flirt heavily, look pretty for him, touch him, good eye contact, smile lots, hint about being his GF etc. If that doesn't work, start to pull away and he will come chasing.

[TheEvilJester]

A lot of what you describe COULD be a just friends kind of thing.... until you get to the part of you sharing the same bed, him holding you tight, kissing your neck, touching you, etc. That most certainly does NOT say just friends. At that point, if he considers you just a friend, then I'd have a hard time not thinking he is some kind of scumbag who goes around using women if they let him get away with it. I mean, I have female friends and I would never do things like that.

So, I would assume he thinks of you as more than a friend for sure. I don't know why he wouldn't just come right out and ask you out, but it almost sounds like you've been sort of "going out" anyway. So, if he isn't making the move to define the relationship, then don't feel like you can't ask. You have every right to ask, and if you like him to ask if he may see you becoming an actual couple.

I mean, him kissing you, cuddling with you, and so on, I certainly wouldn't call that NOT making a move. That seems like something of a move to me. But you still deserve to know exactly what he is thinking. You need to know if he thinks of you as a potential girlfriend, or just a "friend with benefits." That way you can also decide what you want from the relationship, and decide if you are okay with what he is thinking.

Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

[PetitePixie]

I posted on here for help, to see exactly what a complete outsider would think! I will be having a chat with him at some point but wanted to get other peoples opinions first, no need for you to be so rude to me for asking a question.
I'm restraining myself and not making the first move because I'm not entirely sure how he feels about me, wouldn't want to make a move only to find out that he doesn't feel the same way about me and wreck a friendship.

- - - Updated - - -

Thanks for the reply.

I actually spoke to my manager the other day about him, he's worked for her in the past so she knows him quite well. She guessed that something has been going on between us and that he's a good guy and that he's taking it slow out of respect. She also said that clearly what we have is not a "just friends" scenario and that she could tell we liked each other from the way we behaved at work.

I don't think for one second he's using me and never have done but I just find it hard to understand how someone who's so confident around women would wait so long to make a proper move especially since he must know I like him as I've made it quite obvious.

[Wakeup]

I posted on here for help, to see exactly what a complete outsider would think! I will be having a chat with him at some point but wanted to get other peoples opinions first, no need for you to be so rude to me for asking a question.
I'm restraining myself and not making the first move because I'm not entirely sure how he feels about me, wouldn't want to make a move only to find out that he doesn't feel the same way about me and wreck a friendship.

Rude? You ask "are we just friends" If you really don't know the answer to that question then why the fk are you sleeping in his bed? Letting him snuggle you as if you were a couple? Kiss him? Do you do all those things with your female platonic friends? If the answer is NO then why are you doing it with a man you think is just your friend?

Your are allowing him to cross platonic friend boundaries which has you in this confused mess you find yourself in. If you want more from him then you let him know its okay to go further if you are dating exclusively. If you don't want more then friends then why are you allowing him to do things that are not what platonic friends do?

You took offence well, sorry but I don't suffer fools lightly. Stop the bs and either do him or stop him. If he doesn't want to be your romantic boyfriend then he's crossing boundaries that you should not be allowing him to do.

If you dont' want to be confused about a guy that you think you're only friends with then don't allow him to cross platonic boundaries until you've discussed what it is what you actually want with him.

Don't have sex with him until after you have established that he wants more the "friends." Don't sleep in a man's bed that has not asked you to be his girlfriend of the romantic kind... all that mixed signal type stuff does is put you all confused exactly like you are right now.

[TheEvilJester]

A lot of good points, Wakeup, and I agree very much. I would echo a lot of what Wakeup had to say. He is crossing boundaries that would not be okay if you two are just friends, and you are allowing him to do so. Don't get me wrong, both are things that are perfectly okay.... IF you two are more than just friends. If you are just friends, then it is not okay for him to cross those boundaries, and you should also not allow him to do so.

Don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong. I'm just saying you owe it to yourself (and to him, really) to understand where you both see the relationship going. That's the only way you can know if you are okay with his actions, or if they are crossing a line and need to stop. If he is not making the move to legitimately discuss it and define your relationship, then there is nothing wrong with you being the one to get the ball rolling on that discussion.

You definitely do not want to let things get too far without making sure you are both on the same track. Otherwise, it could result in hurt feelings that could have been avoided otherwise. Not to mention, maybe it is just me, but if he DOES only see you as a friend, then I would have to think he is some special kind of scumbag for doing things that would send such obvious signals otherwise. You say he's a good guy, and others who know him have had the same to you, so I lean towards believing he is probably not that "special kind of scumbag." So, that furthermore leans me toward believing he thinks of you as more than friends. I could be wrong, but his actions certainly seem to say that he does.

Good luck.

[AnonymusHelper]

I don't think that anyone calling you a fool will help you. So I'm going to try and give you what you want with a pinch of truth.

It isn't fair for him to play you and do what he's doing. You're getting hot and bothered and quite frankly I don't blame you. However, I don't think that there is any other way to tell you that if he wants you he will fight for you and put up with a walls.

So if you don't want to make the first move then stop him from making you feel sexually frustrated. Move away and don't turn up at his house. He may like you but at this race you're not letting him chase you. Leave and don't spend the night when he clearly wants you to. Sometimes you have to say no even though all you want to do is say yes.

It might take a while granted, but this helps you save face and it gives you an inkling as to exactly what he wants from you. At this rate he might tell people he likes you but what if all he wants is sex? What if he just likes to touch you? That means that there will be a sexually based relationship with little substance.

He likes you it's just matter of finding out what he likes about you.

Go get him