Pros and stay or cons and leave?

[N3llie]

Hi all
I've been debating whether to end things or ignore some problems for most of the time in my relationship with my boyfriend. Kind of hoping it will all sort itself out, but two years on, I still have issues with him.
I've been dating him for over 2 years now, but it has its moments where I wish he would grow up and have an adult perception on things.

He enjoys annoying people and gets some kind of gratification out of being the cause of why people get angry/ annoyed. I'm different though, (most of the time) he doesn't intentionally rile me up but most of the time he somehow manages to

To set the scene
My life was changed when I was 13 when I started showing symptoms of a rare degenerative condition which I was diagnosed with at 15. At 18 I was coerced to a wheelchair and have been in this situation ever since. Dating for me was hard as I was often judged on first appearance instead of the qualities I had. I met my boyfriend on a dating site and when we met up for a date, he had no issue with dating someone in a wheelchair, which is hard to find these days.

The main issue I have is that, compared to me, he's immature. We aren't on the same wavelength when it comes to how life has shaped us both. His parents are laidback and don't seem to hold regulations, whereas mine are reserved and sophisticated, and have consequences at the ready if we (my brother and I) step out of line.

The second issue is that he doesn't seem to distinguish between what he should filter out of our conversations and what to tell me. Often he tells me stuff that any woman would find disgusting or inappropriate or something only men would find humourous.

Third issue I have is that he doesn't really put as much effort into our relationship as I would expect. For our one year anniversary, he got me a bracelet that represented my illness, which I picked out. For my birthday, he got me a ring, which, once again I picked out. For Christmas this year, he got me a calendar and a €30 itunes voucher, which was his own idea. I don't know if this is what I should be expecting early on in a long-term relationship as it's my first (and hopefully only) long-term relationship.

Fourth issue, he blames everything around him for what goes wrong, except himself. He can't take responsibility for actions that are out of his control, he doesn't make intelligent conclusions and accept something that happened outside of his control. It's always someone/something elses fault

Fifth issue: according to him, rules don't apply. If we've both agreed to do something or act a certain way, if I take my guard off him for some time, he'll give in saying it's no big deal but if I do so he'll make a dramatic episode out of it

Sixth issue: trust issues- he doesn't believe my answer sometimes when he asks me a question, he also doubts my sincerity when I tell him something significant EG him:have you done ___ me:yes him: no you haven't

The complicated part:
He has had his own struggles in life. He was born in South Africa which resulted in him getting bullied in school when he moved to Ireland because of his accent. As a result, he never had too many friends. He's never really had the interaction and gotten to know how differently female minds work versus males, because all of his friends more or less are male. When he was 14 his dad had a 6 year affair with another woman. His mom was declared in debt as his dad had made all his purchases through her name as he refused to have his own and wouldn't take responsibility for his part. She has been through so many struggles financially which has consequently affected him and his sister. His dad is pretty immature which is where my boyfriend claims all his bad habits have rubbed off from.

I give him the benefit of the doubt because of these factors^^ believing that one day he'll have an epiphany and cop on

What I love, and is the reason I'm still dating him is that occasionally he is mature, thoughtful, loving, mature, understanding, empathetic, compassionate and just the perfect boyfriend.

I have addressed these issues numerous times in which he listens, but doesn't take my concerns on board.

I'm near the point where I can't take it anymore. He's 24 and still acts like he's 8. Makes rude jokes, Makes inappropriate comments, seeks attention, sees nothing wrong with his actions if a distinguishing difference can be made and blames it on his sense of humour being "adult humour"

What do you all make of it? Is this typical male behaviour? Is it a rough patch that he'll grow out of or should he have grown out of it by this stage? Should I be seriously considering the future I'd like and if he's the man for it. Breaking up would be my last resort as if I lost him, I'd be forever wondering what if.
I want to settle down, but I'm scared of settling down for less than I'm worth, and right now, the majority of times, he's worth less than I deserve with how he acts and brushes off my suggestions to improve our relationship for my behalf.

What would you suggest I do?

[Wakeup]

If you judge him the way you describe in your thread then you should just leave him. He deserves to be with someone that is more like him and won't find the very essence of him to be a negative.

The bottom line is you can change yourself and how you view him (with less judgement for not being "perfect" like yourself O.o) but you CAN NOT change him nor do you have any control over that.

There is a prayer that they recite in AA and Al-anon that goes like this (and which I think you'd do well to live by)

"Grant me the courage to change the things I can (yourself) the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (anyone else or how they are or how they act) and the wisdom to know the difference"

Repeating without the instruction within the brackets:

"Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference"

Stop caretaking him which is the dysfunctional opposite of caregive.. he's not your son. (read the link on the difference between caretaking (which you're doing) and caregiving.

[url=http://www.expressivecounseling.com/codependency-caretaking/]Codependency: Caretaking vs. Caregiving | Expressive Counseling[/url]




I'll leave you with that to think about...
Good luck.