I have issues with my girlfriend. Can you help?

[needyouradvice]

Ok, I wish there was a short version to this story, but there isn't. I need advice. Two years ago I fell in love with a girl. I knew I loved her from the first time I saw her. She is beautiful, funny, smart, talented, giving, a great cook, and a lot of fun to be around. She is an artist and a guitar player/singer. This was very attractive to me since I also play guitar and sing. I never thought I would make a good father, so it was great when I found out she didn't have any desire to have children. Wow, I thought. She is the perfect girl for me.

After knowing her for about a year, she dropped a bomb on me and told me she was breaking up with me. She wanted to move to another state to finish up her schooling. Unfortunately, they weren't holding the classes here, so she felt that she had no choice. She had worked hard on her schooling, and didn't want to give it up. Without finishing her classes, she would never be able to work in the field that she studied so hard for. I was devastated. Reluctantly, I told her I'd be willing to do a long-distance relationship since she would only be about 4 hours away. She said that it would be too difficult. As she was walking away, I stopped her and told her that I wanted to marry her. So without a ring, I proposed for the first time in my life. She accepted. I knew I could give her a good life here. I own a successful business, and I told her she could work with me. It would actually earn her significantly more money. I thought it would be the best choice for both of us for her to stay. So, she sold off all her school/work supplies (several thousand dollars worth of supplies), so she could stay with me. I was so excited, and got on the phone right away to tell my family that I just got engaged! I had wanted to propose to her at some point anyhow. She just forced me to propose a little early. She also worked hard and saved up enough money to buy a house. And now we live together. She put a lot of effort into this relationship, and obviously believed it would work.

This is when things went downhill. She was having a really hard time because she didn't have a stable job. She also didn't have money and refused to take any of my money. The business I run doesn't produce money right away, so she was waiting for the money to come in. Well unfortunately, the business was robbed. They took everything, and insurance wasn't going to cover any of it. All the hard work we put into the business was for nothing. This money we would have made would have solved all her issues.

Ever since she decided to stay, she has had a chip on her shoulder. She has blamed me for her misery. She has been very depressed that she has no stability in her life. I tell her to wait because the business is about to pay off. And it is. We are just a few weeks away from our first major sale. This is a fact, but she can't seem to look into the future. She only sees the present, and is constantly blaming me for her misery, and fighting with me. Many of our fights revolve around this issue. I understand why she is upset. I would be too if I was in her shoes. But, I can't take her constantly blaming me for her sadness. It is not my fault we got robbed. Had we not been robbed, she (we) would be fine. But, she wants to make me feel bad with every chance she gets. She is constantly rubbing it in my face that I made her stay and also that I still haven't produced a ring. It has now been a full year since I proposed, so I can understand her concern. So why haven't I bought a ring? That is the question. Her misery has made me miserable. Her frequent blaming infuriates me. We fight all the time. Many of the fights revolve around the proposal and everything else I've mentioned up to this point, but there are other issues. Now that we live together, I have found out that she is very difficult. She is a know-it-all, she can never admit she's wrong, she is very stubborn, irrational, and just plain mean. She loves to fight and seems to thrive on it. And she can't argue nicely. I can talk things over calmly and try to work things out, but she is a screamer. Misery seems to follow this girl wherever she goes. She loves to tell me about her misery, and sometimes I wonder if she's just addicted to sympathy. She is full of drama, and if she doesn't have any drama in her life, she seems to create it somehow. The other big issue is that I have caught her in several lies. She once lied about where she was at 2am (before we moved in together). She had gone out with her friends to a bar. Afterwards, she sent me a text and said that she was home and said good night. Well, I went to her place and she wasn't there. She made up some lie about going to her mom's house at 2am. At 2am? Yea right. Then she said she went to a restaurant that I later found out was closed at the time. She finally admitted she lied about the restaurant, but that's all she would admit to. I've also caught her lying about several other things. Oh, once upon a time, shortly after we were fighting hard core, I saw an empty red heart-shaped box of chocolates in her garbage. It was shortly after Valentine's Day. I confronted her about it, and she said she had bought them for herself. Ha, yea I bet she did. I also saw a box of unopened chocolates at her place. At the time, we were in the process of breaking up, and there's no way she would have bought them for me. Of course, she said she did buy them for me. So all these lies piled up and I started wondering if she had an actual lying disorder. I found out through her childhood friend that she was indeed a compulsive liar. This didn't surprise me one bit since she admitted that her mom and sister are compulsive liars.

So now the questions. Should I feel the need to stay with this girl since I am the one who made her stay here and give up her career? Should I feel bad if I let her go? Is it worth staying with this girl at all? Am I the bad guy? Thank you for reading. I know it was a long story. Believe me, it could have been much longer. Any advice would be appreciated.

[basilandthyme]

Forget about what you SHOULD do. What do you WANT to do? And what does she see as the way forward?

[smackie9]

Why would you want to continue a relationship based on lies, and unanswered questions?

If you want out then get out, you are not obligated in anyway. Sell off the assets, divide whatever is owed and call it quits.

[lissa]

End it. It was a mistake to ask her drop drop her life for you and it would have turned out better if she said no, but really, this is life. Mistakes happen and you realize them and just try to do things right in the future, not just stand behind a bad decision for the rest of your life.

[TablesandChairs]

Once upon a time, she was studying towards something that sounds like her passion, to enable a career. She saved enough money to buy a home, which you both live in...so I'm guessing we're not talking about some dead beat. She likes financial independence, won't take money from you...and feels stuck because a business income is anything but stable and regular. I should know - some months it's great, some months it's literally nothing. For someone who isn't used to this - it's daunting and scary and makes it impossible to plan because frankly, you just don't know what next month will bring.

So, she's made all these sacrifices (on her own but I'm guessing there was plenty of encouragement from you) and she's wondering if it was the right choice; her studies are unfinished, she's unlikely to land the career she wanted and she's waiting around for the business to pull through, not really knowing if it will or won't.

I'm thinking she needs the financial independence and she needs to finish what she started (her studies). I'd encourage her to pursue these things or else fall into a deeper pit of depression and resentment.