A loving woman with trust issues

[aliarose]

Hi guys,

I started to write my ex on WordPress just to get rid of my thoughts. While writing I thought maybe it would be good to share my story. Sometimes foreigners can help much better than people we know.

This story sound like a lot of anger. But this is how I feel about my ex. Luckily I'm in love again.
please red this, I need advice.

This is about Marco:

I blame you for putting me to the biggest challenge of my life.
You stole my trust and made me feel like an idiot.
Now I have to find it back in a new relationship.* Do you recognise how hard it is?
When my new boyfriend turns around and gives attention to other woman, I feel insecure.* The moment he doesn't respond to my message I panic.

I remember when my intuition warned me about you and than you forgot to stay undercover you idiot. I wanted to run away. But I didn't.
Because you would never do this to me.
The day when I checked you out, I red all the emails. They where dirty. I hadn't written them.
How many naked pictures of yourself you send to all this women? Too much.
Did you suffer of so low self esteem? And why you pussy didn't you tell me that I wasn't enough.
Of course I made it worse by telling you that swinging is maybe a solution. I didn't want that, but I wanted to be open so there's no need to lie.
But I did.
Luckily we never did it for real.

Two years later I broke up. Because I found the point of no trust anymore when you changed every password.
Jesus you cried. The victim left alone by the bad woman.
When you told me that ending your life was the only solution together with the kids. Bluf I knew you had sex with someone else.
I really didn't like what I saw. You where so low in my eyes.

Two weeks later I came to pick up stuff in our former home.
I see cards. I like you a lot cards. Even hearts and kisses.
So I ask. Have you met someone?
Yes a colleague. A very good looking black hair beauty who wants to leave her man.
End of story. Life goes on. We have to look to the future.
Your children have a new extra mami. I'm abended. You didn't even let me say good bye.

Now I found the love of my life. Adrian.
I have really deep feelings.
He had a hard challenge to get me because I wanted to see if he is really interested. So I let him sleep on a matras on the floor for six weeks.
He bought flowers, cooked, never tried to be better than he is. We fell in love. In November we decided to move to UK, because we are from different countries. Here we have the same chance together.

We are apart for 3 month. I feel he is happy. One year we are together and I haven't seen him so relaxed in a while.
I'm afraid because I can't control. I'm afraid that he doesnt need me so much as I need him. Of course I'm afraid of other woman. He is my man. I shouldn't want to control.

But I'm no boeddha that takes everything as a learning process.
I try but I feel jalousie and insecurity.
He doesn't give me a reason to feel like this. 4 weeks and we will be united.

I have never felt so much love before.
I'm writing this because I hope when I talk about what I felt, things will flow away. Everytime a little. He deserves my trust. I can't punish him for someone else.

I don't know what can be a good advice. Some peptalk could help.
Thanks.