Is he using me? why keep us a secret!

[Lil-Red-Head]

Hello everyone
Okay ive been "seeing" this guy for about 3months now and I really am confused to what is going on! I stay at his a lot and he stays at mine, we do things for each other and even share money. We have slept together, cuddle, kiss alot, he even kisses me goodbye, admits he misses me when im not around and moving in together in a month or so.... yet im still a secret? a few people know we have slept together, well 3 people. I am really confused. When we move in together he wants a spare bed in the second bedroom so it looks like we dont sleep in the same bed. He wont kiss or cuddle me infront of anyone, always claims nothings going on,and tells me to say the same, we just say were friends :/ I really like him and have started to fall for him... i have no clue how he feels and im scared to ask :/ He has been there for me through a lot of personal, devastating crap in January, I was hoping for the year to get better, but I have a really bad feeling :/ any advice? I can try fill in gaps if more info is needed

[Wakeup]

This is got to be a troll post but just in case it's not:

Are you fvcking kidding me? You are going to move in with him and you are a secret and you've only know him for three bloody months? You don't know how he feels about you so why would you move in with someone who you don't know how he feels?

Jezus woman, get real. If he won't introduce you to his friends and family then you are either a piece on the side or he's going to make you the next victim of his sex trade operation.

Don't be stupid. DO NOT move in with him until he introduces you to his mother.

[Lil-Red-Head]

Did you not read it properly? Ive stayed at his alot. Ive met his mum and step dad. Hes told his step dad hes moving in with me. Also I spent christmas day at his, and me his nan and grandad he rarely sees.
Just to also point out, were always together, he is single, and we have the same circle of friends

This is why I am confused

- - - Updated - - -

Did you not read it properly? Ive stayed at his alot. Ive met his mum and step dad, he lives with them. I spent christmas day there and also met his nan and grandad he rarely sees. Also hes told his step dad hes moving in with me.

We have the same circle of friends and met back in april 2014? So a while back. Were always together but dont hold hands or link out in public. Hes gave me his bank card to withdraw money before for him/me. Obviously because I know him and spend every day/ most nights (its rare I dobt stay at his or him at mine) so I know hes single. But I do feel he is hiding something :/

[basilandthyme]

Did you not read it properly? Ive stayed at his alot. Ive met his mum and step dad. Hes told his step dad hes moving in with me. Also I spent christmas day at his, and me his nan and grandad he rarely sees.
Just to also point out, were always together, he is single, and we have the same circle of friends

This is why I am confused

None of this was in your original post.

My advice is to get over your fear and stand up to him. He's being unreasonable and for some unknown reason, you're too scared to question it.

Tell him that you're no longer going to lie (by omission) to your friends about your relationship. Tell him that you're not going to fake separate bedrooms if you move in together. Tell him that if he wants to move in with you, you will only do so if he's honest about the relationship. While I don't know your friends, I suspect that your closest friends would be pretty pissed at you if they found out you'd been lying all this time.

Hon, if you're scared to ask about his sketchy behaviour - and stand up for what's reasonable - you're not ready to move in together.

[TheEvilJester]

I cannot see any reason a guy would keep a girlfriend a secret for so long, and tell everybody she is just his friend, unless he is married/engaged/already in a relationship and doesn't want to get caught. You say that isn't the case, so unless he secretly is and you are just not aware of it, I really cannot imagine any sensible reason a guy would do this.

You mention that you two will be moving in together soon. Are there any solid, definitive plans, or thus far is it just talk? That could be something he is just saying to keep you happy. If you actually do have legit, set plans to move in together (already signed the lease on an apartment or something), then I'm just as puzzled as you. I highly doubt he'd move in with you if he secretly already had a relationship.

So.... yeah..... I'm as puzzled as you. I guess rather than offer advice as to where his head may be, more so my advice would be to talk to him about it. I would recommend having a cordial and fair, but firm conversation. I would just say something along the lines of "I don't understand why you still want to keep us a secret. We have been together for some time now and are even moving in together. I want to be able to share my happiness with my loved ones, but at the same time I do also want to respect your needs, so let's talk about this. Why do you still feel the need to keep us secret? When will you/what would it take for you to feel comfortable letting everybody know about us?"

The bottom line is there is no reason to be keeping his relationship with you a secret. You don't deserve to be treated like his mistress. If he wants to be with you, then he should be comfortable being honest with others about it. If he actually has a good reason that you feel you understand then that is fine, but there still needs to be a time-frame (and a reasonable one at that) for when he sees that ending.

Good luck to you.

[Wakeup]

If you've met practically his entire family then who is he hiding you from?

Again I ask... Why are you so stupid that you'd move in with someone you've only been dating three months?
Even if you met him in april but didn't date, that is still way to soon to move in with someone who doesn't want it known that you're sleeping together.

WTF: Do you not have a voice, why wouldn't you tell him that if he wants to have you live with him then those arrangements are NOT ACCEPTABLE TO YOU. Are you 10 years old and afraid to talk back to your elders or something?

Next time you want advise... don't change your story half way through your thread and then come back in and ask if the post was read. AND... if he's only introduced you to those people you mention AS A FRIEND then you're stupid to move in with him.

Jezus knows I don't take fools kindly.

[butterfly712]

I don't think it's such a good idea to move in together after 3 months of being with each other,I would say to take it slow,as to advice I have no idea what to tell you,I could tell you that he maybe he doesn't want anyone to know about you 2 but for what reason I don't know,just take your relationship slow,don't rush into anything,espically living together.

[michelle23]

Hes basically telling you that you are a friend with benefits. It doesn't matter how affectionate or loving he is towards you. Hes obviously not willing to commit properly so why are you wasting your time? Why would you allow any guy to mess with your feelings like this? Do you not feel you deserve more respect and a guy who sees you as more than just easy sex?? If i were you, i would dump him and find someone who wants the same things as me. Your just going to get hurt by carrying on this charade.

And making excuses for him, lying to yourself, being defensive and hoping he will change will only disappoint you further. Ig js time to get real

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I have to agree that would kind of be my gut feeling. I'd think either he is already in a relationship and you are his mistress, or if he does not have another relationship, that he considers you just "friends with benefits," as the kids call it these days.

So, he should either explain why he is so secretive about it or stop being so damn secretive about it. Even if he has a darn good reason, there needs to be a reasonable time frame for when that can all be over. You certainly shouldn't be moving in together if he still wants to be all hush hush about your relationship. Like I said, you deserve better. Anybody would. You are not somebody's dirty little secret. You should be with somebody who'd want the whole world to know you are together and would think you are the most awesome thing ever to enter his life.