He wants to move without me (I think)

[want4ever]

Quick back story: Our relationship started with affairs on both our part. We were crazy in love and dated long distance for two years. I was an undiagnosed bipolar in a manic state, we blew thru almost all of my divorce settlement. We got married, and he moved here to a part of the country we both despise. But my children are here and i will never leave them until the are out of high school, which is 6 more years. He has known that from day one. Fast forward to three years ago and I was diagnosed as bipolar II, and the regime of medications began. During this time I second guessed leaving my first marriage and decided to go back and try to repair our family. He took it horribly and I didn't care. Trying the old marriage again was a disaster. I was verbally abused and ended up getting kicked out.

Present: He has been there for me through every bit of the last six months. I am in such a deep hole and cant find my way out. My depression has kicked in, I cannot find anything other than part-time minimum wages jobs. I am in desperate financial circumstances. We do not live together yet but had plans to this coming summer. (We never divorced and are still married) As far as his employment goes, he has very specific knowledge and there are maybe 200 people in the US that can do what he does. Luckily one of those places is here, but he hates the culture, the coworkers, and knows they are taking advantage of his work ethic. It is taking a tole on him. Things with us aren't great and we do have a lot from the past to work out. But we were both committed to doing that.

Last weekend a friend in another location invited him down to another area where he could be employed. It was supposed to be just networking for the future. Get his face and name out there. Well, he loved it and they loved him. I was nervous but he said if something was offered we would discuss the pros and cons of course. in two days they sent him a great job offer. And before he even called me he had decided he was going to take it. In less than 48 hours I have gone from having a husband across town with plans to move back in together, have a combined family. To being alone to deal with life alone. He wants to give it a go and visit when we can. Fine if it was a year, but this is at least 6 years. He is moving so far that it will be impossible to get all of our kids together (he has 2 from another marriage). My kids are going to be so disappointed that he wont be around anymore. He is closer to mine than his own.

He has to give them an answer today. We have discussed, cried, and fought over every detail. I do not want him to go. He wants to go but try to keep everything as though here were here. I am sick. There is no way our marriage can survive seeing each other once a month for years on end. I don't want to be alone, a single mom, without him.

I guess my question is how do I handle this? What if he goes? What if he stays? I have been in such a depressed state for the last six months, with no job and trying to support my kids. Now I feel like my skin hurts, I am constantly crying. I love him and want him as my husband, with me. I need help trying to figure out how to maintain my sanity if he chooses to go. My heart is being torn apart.

[Wakeup]

I'm confused. By "He" do you mean your second husband who you left to go back to your first husband?

Does your first husband have custody of your children and that is why you can't go join your second husband at his new work location because you'll also be leaving your children if you go?

Clarification please.

[TablesandChairs]

Firstly, you need to make sure your mental health is being addressed in every way available. Bi Polar needs to be managed well - without proper management, you will cycle through depression and mania and destroy relationships, make poor decisions, act impulsively...then slump into darkness. No husband can fix that.

I also understand the schooling situation with your kids; but they have a long way to go (6 years). Your husband's income seems to be the principle income - so to me, it makes sense for you/your kids to move. Kids won't love it at first, but they'll be fine. It's what I would do if my family and I relied on my husband's income.

The issue is that you basically left your current husband high and dry as you went off trying to pursue your ex husband. That didn't work out, so you went back to him. So - basically - you cheated with this guy. Then you cheated on this guy with the old guy. Question is - does HE want you to move with him or is this new job not only a good opportunity career wise, but a good opportunity for his to escape?

[drleo]

fighting and crying wont help i will suggest you take your time and think of all the good values you can say to him that can make him stay and maybe try to listen to his i believe there is a solution in there you can still make him stay

[jenniferaniston]

Manage things in good manner which cannot effect your relationship, take such good decision which will be helpful for you and for family too.If he wants to go let him go but tell him that he has to take care his responsibility also.So discuss about all the issues which you have.