My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and have been living together for nearly 7 months now. The first two years of us were absolute bliss, we communicated perfectly, had a great sex life, and were simply the best of friends and madly in love.
About a year ago, in a drunken stupor, my boyfriend became aggressive and borderline abusive. No deliberate strikes, but more pushing me down, picking me back up by my hair, and berating me verbally. This seemed incredibly out of character for my mild-mannered sweetie.
Then several more instances like that occurred, and he became increasingly more irritable and short-fused. His mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and he had been and continued to do poorly in school. In between, he always apologizes and assures me that he loves me and I am the most important person to him. Since then, it seems like everything (and anything) makes him angry and anything I try to do to help him or us is overbearing and annoying. When he gets in his aggressive mode, there is absolutely no reasoning with him or stopping him till he's done.
Not shortly after the first incident, his libido all but disappeared…he acted annoyed often when I would suggest sex or buy new lingerie. He even complained to me that we have sex too much, which hurt me, but I understood, I have always had a high sex drive. I chalked up his lower libido to weed, depression, and lack of exercise. When we do have sex, his stamina is close to nothing and he seems very far away.

I had to use his computer for a school project, and saw a website called Chaturbate in the recently visited tab, as well as extensive research on butt plugs. For someone who has pushed me away sexually, while still claiming to be extremely attracted to me (many consider me to be very attractive!) I was hurt to see that he sought out cam girls and had interests he wasn't sharing with me. I have always made it clear that I am open to anything and excited to explore any fantasies he may have.

I confronted him, and he responded mostly in an annoyed manner, claiming that cam girls are just like normal porn (which I don't find to be much better anyway!!!) and I am overreacting. He says that he is interested in anal play on himself, and was too embarrassed to tell me…which seems odd since it looks like he was online shopping for the plugs- would he just keep it a secret? Is it for him and someone else? Why does he push me away sexually and tell me it's because he's "not as sexual of a person" and I "make my intentions too obvious"? I try so hard to be what he wants me to be in bed, so I've been letting him come to me. He has so many sexy photos and videos of me, and me who is ALWAYS ready and willing- and yet he seeks out these web cam girls???

He also defended the Chaturbate because of the problems we've been having (just not getting along, mostly due to his dark moods and my desperation to make things better), which sort of culminated around Christmas. He came to me and swore to change, and he did for a few weeks until it gradually went back to the same patterns. One particular time he was using Chaturbate, I was away at my sister's house, and we were exchanging very loving and romantic messages all day long…so is it really about the problems?

I love him, I am just beginning to feel constantly beaten down and belittled and don't know how to help him anymore in his dark time.