Confused

[Sunflower878]

I am 22 years old and have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now he is 23, and I am his first real relationship. I've had relationships longer than this one before. My boyfriend is nice, caring, attentive and very loving toward me. He does get jealous sometimes which is a little annoying but all in all things are going well. He loves me and I love him. I can't help but feel like i want to break free, although nothing is wrong with our relationship. I feel like if I had ran into him when I was older and ready to settle down then things would be cool. But in honestly I am not he doesn't make me feel restricted but I can't help but crave freedom all the time. I go back and forth all the time, every few weeks things are good then for about a week or 2 or 3 I'll start to feel the need to break up with him. This has been going on for a long time. When i first met him I never wanted a boyfriend honestly, I just wanted to go about living my life and date around. I am not looking for marriage or any type of deep commitment right now in my life. The problem is he is such a good guy I don't want to make a stupid move and throw away everything we had because I want to be "FREE" It's not really about me going out he's fine with that all though sometimes I feel that he is a bit clingy. We've talked about kind of and he says he'll give me my safe and I have noticed that he has been trying. But my problem is that its more then that I still want to figure out exactly what I want in a guy and to see what else is out there. To be really honest I even want to hook up with a girl at least once in my life to see what it feels like. We balance each other out really well and my family loves him. He is a bit insecure and I can be pretty aggressive sometimes. It's like do you break up with a guy when nothing is wrong? Am i throwing away all this just to be "FREE" even though I really am. I just honestly do not want to settle down with anyone at this stage in my life. Am I wrong to feel like this? I don't want to ruin an amazing thing we have for stupid drunken nights going out and random hook ups because that's a dumb reason. Im having trouble figuring out the real reason I just feel this way in my relationship. He lets me do what I want and I can come and go as I please but the truth is I just don't want to be in a relationship not at least in this point in my life. HELP any advice? I have felt like this for a very long time.. Please HELP

Sorry this is so damn long

[Wakeup]

So what's the alternative to staying with him? Whoring around, friends with benefits, one night stands?

I've had relationships longer than this one before.

Why did you break up with these other guys that you last were with before this most recent schmuck had the misfortune of falling in love with you? You're 22 for goodness sakes ~ how many relationship have you been in and who did most of the breaking up in those unions?

[Sunflower878]

I meant RELATIONSHIP AS IN SINGULAR iv'e only had one relationship before for 3 years....... and he broke up with me & cheated one me...... maybe i just feel something missing in our relationship some kind of connection and you know what i've always known it since the beginning how about that instead of acting like all i want to due is "Whore around"

[woody]

It is perfectly natural, normal and right to be feeling these emotions right now at this stage of your life. You are only 22 years old. Finding out what you want in a man, seeing what's out there, having experiences before settling down is something that needs to be done. If you don't, you'll grow resentful over time at all the years you could have had to explore.
Your problem is, you've already met a good man all in all. He arrived a few years too early and now your left wondering what the hell to do about it. Stay? and always wonder. Or, leave, go explore and possibly find no one better but at least you'll get that curiosity out of your system. It is quite the conundrum.

I can only say that at your age, the pool may be large; but this will become a pond soon enough. Perhaps your present man too feels certain curiosities towards what else is out there. You may find that if you two talk about it in depth, you may realize your both feeling similar things.

You have quite the dilemma. Talk to him about it. There's no magic wand here. But I will say, the good men get scooped quickly. Once scooped, the only possible next time they come out single is years after marriage and the unfortunate divorces that too often plague a union ensue.
But you must do what is right for you. If you cannot shake this nagging feeling that your not in the right spot, you must listen to this.

[Wakeup]

I meant RELATIONSHIP AS IN SINGULAR iv'e only had one relationship before for 3 years....... and he broke up with me & cheated one me...... maybe i just feel something missing in our relationship some kind of connection and you know what i've always known it since the beginning how about that instead of acting like all i want to due is "Whore around"

I'm not acting like all you want to do is whore around. I simply asked you "whats next?" Whoring around just happened to be one of the choices.

If you feel something is missing then there's nothing else to do but get the gurl ballz to leave him and get on with your life doing whatever it is you feel you're missing out on by being with him.

He deserves someone who isn't feeling like she's missing out on something. He'll hurt for a while but he'll get over you eventually and he'll also get a chance to "whore around" if that is something he chooses to do with his single time.

Make a choice. Stay and stop wondering about what it would be like without him or leave so that you can get on with whatever it is you think you're missing by being with him.

[Sunflower878]

Thanks this is very helpful !

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Yea can't argue with the fact that I need to make a choice I feel for him too and don't want him to be with someone who feels like this when he could be with someone who doesn't.

[TheEvilJester]

I agree with both woody and Wakeup here. When it comes down to it, though, I personally think Wakeup hit the nail on the head when she said "He deserves someone who isn't feeling like she's missing out on something." So, if you really feel like you are missing out, and cannot shake that feeling, then sticking around with him simply because he is a "good guy" isn't fair to him at all. If he is a good guy, then he deserves somebody who will appreciate that, and want him and only him.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with you for not wanting to settle down right now. You are young. It is okay to want to explore a while first, and it is okay not to really be 100% sure what you want. It is unfortunate that you met such an awesome guy so early on, because I can see how that would be quite a confusing/stressful dilemma. He's a good guy, the kind you should desire to find in the end, so on the one hand, why throw away a good thing? Yet, on the other hand, you are not yet ready to settle down. Who knows? Maybe if you stay with him, as you continue to grow as a person you'll learn that some of the things you thought you want in life are no longer the same, and you two are no longer such a match. Again, you're still young, so you may not be exactly the same person in a few years.

Still, at the same time you don't want to just toss somebody aside without giving it real thought. Like Woody said, there are a lot more scumbags in this world than good people (Woody put it a little more nicely, LOL), so it is a rather calculated risk to give up on a good guy just to see what else is out there. But, if you are not ready to settle down, you are not ready to settle down.

So, agreeing with Woody again, there is unfortunately no magic answer we can provide here. It's really more something you will have to decide for yourself. I wish we could help, but you are going to have to really think if you'd rather have the opportunity to keep exploring, or would rather stay with him instead of risk losing a good guy and later regretting it.

Honestly, just because somebody is a good person doesn't automatically mean they are a good match for you. He could be a good guy, but just not be for you (or at least not right now.) I wish we could help, but that is really your decision to make. Good luck to you. I hope you decide soon, and whatever it is you do decide, I hope it works out best for both of you. If you decide to leave him, it would definitely hurt him, but it would hurt a heck of a lot less than staying with him when you really don't want to be with him.

EDIT: I also wanted to add....

To Wakeup's point, it is one thing to want to explore a bit when you are young, but eventually you really ought to decide what you want and stick with it. If you spend your whole life wondering if the grass is greener on the other side, you'll never settle down and find anything because you will keep chasing perfection that doesn't exist. Not saying that to sway you one way or another, just giving you food for thought.

[woody]

Booya ^^

So there you go O.P; lots of good advice from others. Hope it helps.
and yeah, I'd have to say after reading what the others put, if this man your with a good soul, a good person, you have two people to consider, you and him. If you care for him deeply but aren't sure, you must do the right thing both for you and for him.