What is he playing at?

[Dunedain]

I'm just wondering if anyone has come across this type of thing. I am in a relationship and we have been dating for just over a year. Things are going well between us. The only thing is an ex of mine has recently returned to the football club that we both support.
I'll give a brief overview of what happened with the ex. We were seeing each other for a while, but due to circumstances in my life at the time, things didn't work out between us and he met someone else. He is still dating her.
The problem is my ex has said to my partner that he has come back "to give him some competition." Since then he has been doing little things to let us both know that he is around. I don't know if he is trying to cause problems in our relationship, if he wants me back, or if he is just playing games, but his actions are making my partner uneasy. What the hell is he trying to do and what can I do to put a stop to it?

[Apex]

Why pay attention to your ex? If you just ignore the guy, and enjoy being with your partner then it should be irrelevant that your ex is trying to give some competition/trying to cause problems in your relationship/him wanting you back/playing games. Honestly so what if he's back..good for him..super duper - That should be your mentality. You and your partner should not feel swayed that some people are trying to throw their weight around for whatever reason. If you and your partner ignore the guy, then he should catch onto the tune that his interactions aren’t welcome.

[fearoflove]

Guys who doesn't respect other people's relationships are players. They just don't care or respect boundaries even with their own girlfriends. The only way he can mess things up with your boyfriend is if you let him and pay attention to him.

[Dunedain]

Thanks. So far I have been pretty much ignoring him, but it is my boyfriend that feels uneasy about it. I really don't care what the ex is up to, but he does (which possibly raises a red flag about trust issues) which is why I want the ex to stop. I think maybe some people just like a bit of drama.

[Wakeup]

think maybe some people just like a bit of drama.

Yes, and apparently you're one of those people.

If you were not a drama queen yourself then you would simply tell your ex that he is not welcome in your life in any capacity and to quit being such an asshole.

[woody]

Well if the ex is making your man uneasy ask him to leave you alone, he doesn't stand a chance, you've moved on and are very happy and would appreciate if he cuts the crap.

Time to stand up and protect you and yours. Your man would do the same no? REverse the situation and ask yourself what would you expect/need your man to do is he had an ex lingering on, hanging out where you two hang; what would you want him to do about it? Then follow suit.

[Dunedain]

Possibly because I'm not an arsehole myself. And I am so far from being a drama queen that it's untrue. I'm too laid back, if anything. I don't want to aggravate the situation any more.

[Wakeup]

Possibly because I'm not an arsehole myself. And I am so far from being a drama queen that it's untrue. I'm too laid back, if anything. I don't want to aggravate the situation any more.

Well, not to be argumentative but to clarify things for you:

Firstly you're being an arsehole to your current boyfriend by not shutting down the ex. Further, you are aggravating the situation further by not shutting down the ex. As far as not being a "drama queen" sorry, but your reply above that I've quoted says differently.

Make it done by making him gone. You make him gone by making it perfectly clear that you're shutting him down and to leave you alone. If nothing else... your current seeing you take action showing that you're not interested in the ex will terminate his angst and thus terminate the drama.

[Dunedain]

No, I've not come on here to argue either. I was only attempting to clarify that I am not the type of person who is comfortable with confrontation. What you make of that is your prerogative. Thank you all for your input.

[Wakeup]

So what are you going to do? Continue to do nothing or will you actually take some action to stop the "drama?"

[woody]

Well, ignoring works since your not into confrontation. Although a quick word or a silent glance often is enough to relay what one is feeling.
I'm sure your sweetheart isn't overly thrilled he's about. Up to you what you choose to do about it though

Kind of seems like your more the quite reserved type who doesn't like drama, according to what your saying here but it also sounds like the ex loves drama and may be counting on your behaviour to be entertained by.

What's the bf like? Frankly, allot can be said without words.... or physical contact. Hopefully the ex finds someone else that interests him and leaves you two reserved folks alone.

[Dunedain]

I'm going to have to do whatever it takes to put a stop to his behaviour. I would prefer to deal with it without confrontation, but if it comes to that, I will have to do it. I really don't want to give him the satisfaction of rising to it though. Thankfully, my partner is a peacemaker too, so I know he won't rise to it either. It's just so unfair to him. Thanks everyone ��

[woody]

Yes, may have to tap into your inner animal for a quick spell; you know, protective instincts.
Can be done without 'rising'. You'd be surprised at how effective you would be...
good luck, just breath..