Is he checking out? Out of character

[Sasspot]

Hi, will try to keep it brief.

My boyfriend is acting very out of character lately. We are both late 20's and do not live together. We have been together 1.5 years.

For the past month or so he has taken to drinking. He never used to drink. I didn't even know he was drinking or where he was, but he started being more quiet, flaky, less communicative throughout the week.

He finally told me that he has been drinking a lot lately and this shocked me. Says that he doesn't feel right. That something is wrong and he doesn't know what. Gives me very vague explanations.

Turns out after work he's been going to a bar. Didn't even tell me this. He works in a town over an hour away and has a long commute every evening so this alarmed me very much so.

Friday before Valentine's day we were scheduled to have dinner together. Nothing fancy, the local diner, but it was gonna be our night together. He cancelled saying there was too much traffic, and stayed the night down in the town he works in at a friends house. I was sad but told him we could do dinner another night (which never happened).

Saturday, Valentine's day, he finally comes home, and invites me over. We eat lunch and he asks for a blowjob, so I give him one. He then falls asleep and will not wake up. I saw him for all of 30 minutes on Valentine's day before he fell asleep. I was downtrodden. He later apologized for his rudeness.

While he was asleep I noticed a mark on his neck. Looked a bit like a hickey but hard to tell. When I saw him again 2 days later the mark was still there.

Now I'm anxious. He's spending nights away, has a mark on his neck... I don't want to jump to conclusions but I'm scared!

Just a few weeks ago we had a conversation about his interactions with other girls.

Several months ago he had told me "I never even talk to other girls. At all!" I raised my eyebrows and brushed it off thinking he was exagerrating, but over time he continued to say things like that. Well, a few weeks ago he mentions that he has to pick up brownie mix to make brownies for the girls at work. I turn to him and smirk, "oh, girls?" Kinda giving him a hard time, teasing him. He says "well yeah, they like my baking, I bring the muffins all the time"

Then I'm actually shocked. I say "you tell me how you never even talk to other girls, but you're baking them treats? I don't even get any of these treats. I love muffins and brownies but I get none?"

He then says that yes, he talks to those girls, but they don't count, he doesn't see them like girls. I feel kinda irritated that he tried to act like he never speaks to anyone with a vagina, when he should've just said that he is friends with the ladies at his work.

Another alarming moment that made me question the "I never talk to girls!" line, was in December when we went to his work party. I noticed a girl across the room kept staring at me and him and seemed to be waving, and at first I thought she was waving at me, but then she kept turning away. Later when my boyfriend got up to get a coffee she chased him down and squealed and hugged him. He later came to me and said "Some girl tried to hug me, it was weird. We're not even friends, she shouldn't hug me" I tried to tell him that it was fine and there was no need to worry over a hug and just hug her back since it's the work party, but he kept going on about how he didnt like it.

He even admitted that for halloween he made treatsfor the girls at work. I sure as heck didn't get a treat. I was home alone sick on Halloween, laying on the couch.

Now everything seems so off. He says one thing, and then I see another. I'm starting to question everything he ever said.

He's acting so weird... I've never seen this side of him. I don't know what to do.

- - - Updated - - -

He's even out at his bar right this minute. Says "I'm fine but I'm not"

[Wakeup]

You may want to consider leaving him for the simple fact that he drinks after work at some bar (or so he says) and then drives a "long commute" after doing so. He's got a drinking problem in the works.

Not to mention ... It appears that he has someone up there where he works on the side. He doesn't see you for V-day and then when he does he asks you for a BJ instead of making love to you? Ooookaaay!

Sorry... Just a guess but that's kinda what it seems like. Only he can tell you whats up and perhaps you should quit enabling him to coast on his shitty behaviour and call him on it instead.

[woody]

could be a few things. Either he has some serious concerns about something personal perhaps health wise going on in his life, or perhaps work is stressing him out and he's dealing with it by self medicating in the wrong way or, and I'm reluctant to say this because I just don't know but maybe he's just not happy; and I don't mean with you, I mean with himself.
Only you'll know what your gut is telling you. Are you concerned there is someone else he's met?

[lissa]

Cheating, plain and simple. Sorry to say but there are a million red flags in your post and I came to that conclusion by the 5th paragraph.

Also cowardly guys always use the excuse of being depressed, confused, unhappy, etc.to push a girl away instead of just admitting that they no longer want to be with her and biting the bullet and ending things.

I know this is a harsh response and I am really sorry you are going through this. But it is absolutely time to stop giving him the benefit of the doubt here.

[in.love.]

Wow...this guy sounds depressed as hell. Drinking is a clear sign of depression; especially when that person didn't drink before.

I'll admit, there's a lot to be jealous of here, but I don't really see any 'warning signs' necessarily. That girl that hugged him just sounds like a floozy who he probably does indeed know and just doesn't like much. The women he brings treats to might even think he's gay, honestly; I've never had a co-worker who was a dude bring us females treats or any baked goods, unless their wives made them and there were too many to have at home, and so he ends up bringing them just to get the treats out of their house.

The girls he works with might just find his baking stuff "cute" and the ones who don't wonder if he's gay probably wish they had a man like that. Maybe that chick was staring at you, comparing herself to you. I know I would be, if we're being honest here. Like "What does she have that I don't?" "How do I get a man like that?"

Lots of jealousy here...on both ends. Sounds like he's trapped in the middle.

If you think he's cheating, just straight-forwardly ask him. I did that with my own boyfriend whom I love very much. Granted, I'm pregnant, and so my hormones were making me crazy at the time, but I was convinced that with my growing belly, he'd HAVE to want someone else. It was just me being a self-conscious idiot, but one thing I'm proud of is that i flatly asked him, "You'd never cheat on me, would you?" He looked at me as if i were from Mars, followed by, "What on earth? Why would you even ask me that?" Then I started bawling...maybe because of hormones; who knows. But he hugged me and assured me he'd never do such a thing. I explained tearfully why I felt that way, and he kinda couldn't help but laugh at some of the stupid reasons I gave (which were hormonally-charged reasons that, being honest, sounded stupid, looking back haha).

Just ask him. Pry a little, if you have to. Express how this stuff all makes you feel. MOST IMPORTANTLY...let him know you are available for him, and address his drinking problem ASAP. You CAN demand he come see you after work, you know--this isn't "clingy"; this is YOU, being his WOMAN, and keeping him sober--which is what he needs. He might need a little forceful structure in his life. Boys are clueless most of the time and us women do admittedly have to babysit sometimes--out of love.