My boyfriend and I have been good friends since highschool (15 years). We just started officially dating 4 months ago.
I love him to death... i am on cloud 9 every single day..... he lives an hour away, so i go there every weekend. Two weekends ago he asked me to move in with him in June.. I said yes.. SO HAPPY... but the next day he went to work and went to grab a rubber band from the junk drawer. I noticed his condom stash looked like there were less... I asked him about it in a very non confrontational way.. Apparently there actually was one missing and he told me the reason was that he used it on himself bc his penis was raw and didn't want masturbating to hurt. I questioned it at first but then told him I believed him.. everything seemed normal. The next week he was distant throughout the week. I saw him that weekend and he brought it up. He said he was distant because he was pissed that I thought he was cheating. Anyways...that weekend was great he was normal and lovey dovey ... asking me to go on vacation soon and i felt happy. But that Monday.. he started being super distant again and just plain ignoring me with no explanation. So I asked him if he needed some space and he finally responded... he said yes. Then texts me while I am teaching at school Friday and says "we should break up".... I finally talked to him on the phone later and he said we will continue being together but taking it slower. He told me he didn't love me anymore and that he can't be w me bc I don't trust him. Ok.. I found a missing condom and still believed him. I wasn't looking for it or counting them either.. The pile just seemed smaller. Then he said he doesn't know about loving me bc he's confused and angry right now.. So we hang up and I don't hear back from him till Sunday finally.. Not a single word on Valentines day. And now we are texting a decent amount of time.. mostly sexual but sometimes normal stuff. I got one "I love you beautiful" and I have gotten a couple "Goodnight sweethearts" out of him this week. So I'm in this horrible spot.. My heart is being ripped into pieces and I don't know what to do. I love him so much and I do trust him...Or else I wouldn't be with him.. So I went from cloud 9 and possibly moving in... To this.. A wreck. And I don't know if he even wants to be w me now but I don't want to keep bringing it up because I'm trying to just go with the flow and not nag him about it. I would do anything for him. I hurt so bad. At this point its mostly me starting the conversations and I really want to see him.. its been two weeks. I don't know if he is just angry bc he thinks I don't trust him and he just doesn't know how to deal with anger.. or if he is leading me on? How could he dispose of me so easily?
How do I make him want me again? How do I get him to want to see me? We are absolutely perfect and happy and loving together... He usually initiates hugs/kisses/love you's... and now I am lost and trying not to beg. </3