Can he really be this cruel to me?

[meme83]

Back story if you want to read it...
I broke up with a man 2 months ago that didn't want a relationship because he was still in love with his ex girl friend that walked out on him and never came back (he never got any closure). I explained to him how much he hurt me and he apologized many times and said he never meant to hurt me and it was never his intentions to make me feel bad. He said he needed time to get over her and fix himself. That was a the break up and and I went on with my life. On 2/9 I texted him just to check in and say hello, he didn't respond. That Saturday I texted again and said that I didn't want to get back together with him and that I was just saying him. He finally texted back saying "I just didn't know if I should" text and we had a conversation. That was it. Then that Monday he texted me to say that he missed my call. I explained to him that I called him by accident because there are two people with his name in my contact (my cousin has the same name) and I call the wrong one by mistake. We had a quick conversation then as well. He started using smiley faces and I cut the talk short.


This past Friday I went to bed early and woke up to a text message from him. He told me right off the bat that he was thinking about buying a condo near my apartment. Then he says "can you come see me?" "I miss you". This threw me for a loop because he is not an emotional man and he's never said I miss you before. I told him that I missed him as well but that I didn't want to be with him without it meaning something something to him. This is when he got angry with me. He told me to go away, never to contact him again, and that he was going to delete my number. I was so shocked that he was having a temper tantrum in a text message. I asked him if he was drunk and he said "what that hell do you care?" That's when I got angry with him and told him that I cared about him since the day I met him and that it was him that didn't care about me and that I wasn't leaving my house to see man that doesn't want to be with me. Then he said " I'm not drunk. I can come to you." Then he started saying "I miss you again". I asked him if him seeing me would mean something to him and would it mean that I mean something to him. He said "Yes, I miss you. Can I see you, please?" I finally broke and said that he could come.

The next day, when I knew he was home I texted him, "Just so I know for sure, that meant nothing to you, right?" He said back, "Stop being dramatic, please." That was the last I heard of him.

TL;DR
Broke up with a guy 2 months ago. I explained to him how much he hurt me and he apologized many times and said he never meant to hurt me and it was never his intentions to make me feel bad. He said he needed time to get over her and fix himself. This past Friday I got a text message from him. He said "can you come see me?" "I miss you". He booty called a woman that he knew truly cared about him just to get some for one night and then called me dramatic.
The question...

If he knew how much he meant to me and he acknowledged my pain and apologized, why would he use me for one night of sex? Why would he take advantage of me just get sex when there are women he could have met anywhere to do that with. Why subject me to so much pain if he "never meant to hurt me?"

I never known him to be like this and that's what hurts the most.

[Wakeup]

Why would you open up that can of worms again? Did you think not talking to him for "x" number of months/days, whatever would make him forget about his ex gf and want to be your boyfriend again. He has your contact information. If he grew up any, he would call you and if he didn't call you then he's not worth your time.... just like he wasn't when you broke up with him.

There are other men in the world. I suggest you delete his name (not your cousins) from your phone and block him from being able to get through to you. You don't need him hoovering you back for more sex without loving you. And by deleting his contact information you won't be tempted to do this to yourself again.

Realize that: "Missing" you does not mean he loves you or that he has stopped loving his ex.

I miss my grade 8 math teacher at times because he was such a cool dude but I sure as hell don't love him.

BTW: He was NOT cruel to you. You opened up this can of worms and if you hadn't then you'd not get these mis-placed expectations.

Sorry you're hurting zero contact while accepting that he's not a good match for you will get you over him completely and swiftly get you to the stage of indifference to him.

[dontaskme]

Back story if you want to read it...
I broke up with a man 2 months ago...

On 2/9 I texted him just to check in and say hello, he didn't respond. That Saturday I texted again and said that I didn't want to get back together with him and that I was just saying him.

He booty called a woman that he knew truly cared about him just to get some for one night and then called me dramatic.

Why are you putting the blame on this guy??? You texted him first, not once but twice?! What is wrong with you? You texted a guy after not speaking for two months, what the hell do you expect? For him to respond to you to say he's okay and that's that? Grow up woman! And yes, you are being dramatic. You want to completely cut someone off, don't contact him ever.

[basilandthyme]

He didn't take advantage of you just to get sex. You knew that he didn't want a relationship with you but you consented to sex anyway.

Going forward, tell him that you need to be out of each other's lives permanently then block his number and all other methods of contact.

[TablesandChairs]

OP, firstly - it's not THAT easy to get a one night stand (unless you're a ridiculously hot guy). The nature of women is such that they are less inclined to participate in one night stands, especially past a certain age when having sex in a clubs toilet is no longer on the agenda.

You asked if he was cruel. Yes, very. He knew you'd say 'yes' because he's well aware that you have feelings for him. He didn't even have to wine/dine or charm you - he dropped by, shagged you, left. Feeling pissed off yet? You should. You should use that to fuel a commitment to yourself to never communicate with this jerk again.

Then, look at the role you've played in this; you continued texting him and inadvertently opened the door to being used. Trust me, the fact that you initiated texts - no matter how platonic you tried to make them seem - tells him you're putty in his hands.

There's someone better out there...the more time you waste here, the less time you have to pursue something meaningful.

[michelle23]

If you broke up then why are you still contacting him? Let it go and move on. You are only hurting yourself by keeping up contact. Stay away from guys who just got out of a relationship in future and discuss where things are headed before sleeping with him or getting too attached. You need to protect yourself from getting hurt and make better decisions

[drleo]

that's life you cant tell what one wants ,thinks or feels but we learn from wrong now you have learn hope you will never do it again

[dontaskme]

No woman would text an ex just to say hi. You texted him because you missed him and wanted to hear from him. Again, do not blame the guy for getting a free ride... You provided the opportunity, he took advantage of it. Suck it up and learn from the error in your judgment.