Are we screwed

[Quarterly]

I've tried to make this short but it's hard, and i don't want to miss any info that could be crucial.

I've been known for being a bit of a womanizer (thats not what i'd call myself, there's a story behind it, basically i lost someone i loved very much years ago and i've felt alone since and never met anyone that could fill the void for me).

I met someone who i felt had a chance of doing this in november.
We got together, got on like a house onfire, had a very good connection etc.
The only issues were she constantly told me i wasn't giving her enough attention etc.

She told me she loved me early on.
For instance, we were in a book/coffee place 2 months ago and there was a fairly attractive woman there. She saw me apparently LOOKING at this girl a few times and broke up with me over it. Yup.

Anyway more recently, was an idiot, we were having a bit of a crappy day on valentines, i sent a message to an ex i hadn't seen in 2 years as i was still struggling with myself. it's only been a few months and i suppose i'm afraid of opening up or giving myself completely to someone in case i get badly hurt like i did before.
I sent a silly text, the girl replied twice, i only deleted the first message. And i felt awful after i did that and started realising "man i do love this girl, i can't f*ck it up". So i started making a real effort and found myself really starting to enjoy the relationship etc.
Anyway i gave her my phone for something, she checked all my messages, found the message,confronted me a day later.

I lied and promised her it meant nothing etc. Now just to point out, after that "you looked at her" fight, we were apart for 4 days. She at that point found an email her ex had sent her, and sent a half page reply. It wasn't anything bad, just how are you, great to hear you're doing well, happy new year etc Take Care. But i was on her laptop (my other laptop) and her email was open with other tabs, i clicked on it harmlessly and straight away saw the very clear name of her ex. Of course i kinda freaked. She got panicky and red and started saying "so what?? it's just an email like whats the big deal". And later admitted maybe it was a call for attention.

Anyway, she also had my laptop, and snooped my old email messages and saw things i'd said to other women in the past and said something along the lines of "you just say the same thing to every girl including me".

Here's the part that pisses me off. Everything was going great, we spent the day together taking video/photo's for her school project (i am very diligent in trying to help her be the best she can in what she's passiionate about). I took a BUNCH of beautiful videos that i thought she could make use of in at least some small way. I decided to stay home on monday night. She had taken the girls number from my phone, asked me her name and kept badgering me about what did you say, what did you say what did you say". I kept lying or hiding the truth as i knew i had no intention of following up on this and knew i'd made a mistake that wasn't cheating, but was disrespectful and regretted it.
So monday night she calls my ex... phonecall. My Ex is a lovely respectful girl with high morals and wouldn't be the tersest of people when being asked honest questions or being put on the spot. She told her i'd sent 1 message saying "i miss you, do you still love me". She also told her i didn't reply to her and i hadn't seen her in 2 years.

So 6pm monday this happened. She continued ti be nice and the usual apart from she was VERY smiley and smug. i knew something was up but ignored it. She came to me to get something, kissed me said we'll meet for coffee tomorrow babe.
We were then texting (still monday night), she asked again a couple of times what did i say. I obviously lied as it wasn't important to me.
I said what can i do to make you trust me. She said delete all these women off your facebook, so me thinking it was ok did this and said "check my fb now darlin, noone on it anymore bar family" and she said calmly enough "in the morning babe im sleepy xx".

So the morning of truth. She collected me, i noticed she was looking amazing. Heels, short skirt, hair done beautifully (she's a part time model and art student, maybe that explains alot). I commented a few times you're beautiful and she was smiling away and kissed me.
We went to McDonalds to sit and use the laptop, my videos for her were on my phone. I just thought of something now also, she asked me for a book of hers back saying her friend needed it back. (presumably part of her sinister and devious plan).
Anyway we were talking and i said "you're acting differently, you're all smiley, somethings up what is it? you were like that last night too". She pretended i was wrong, sat next to me and cuddled me putting her head on my shoulders and looking at the videos i'd taken for her project saying they were beautiful.

After this she moved back over to her side. Said "i brought you here to take those videos off you because i need them for my project, and now i've got them im gonna tell you that i called Stephanie, and i know everything. i know what you said. She told me everything. I also know about penny and the other girls you were talking to before, you say the same sh*t to every girl including me.

I said "you tricked me into coming to take your videos? thats kinda sick, i would have just given them to you, they're your videos girl".
She started being a bitch, but i interrupted her and told her "i knew it was a mistake, you know that, i started trying to fix it, but deleting the girls on facebook, changing my number etc, you saw the difference in our relationship, things have been going SO much better with us as i now know i have what it takes to make you happy".
She said "yeah, takes you to really hurt me to know you love me". Then she started getting abusive to me so i left and she shouted smugly "have a nice life".

So for a day and a half i was messaging her trying to apologise etc, she deleted as a friend on facebook.
She ignored everything. So i went up there and left her a memory stick with a portrait photo of her on it she always loved that i did and always asked me for. And a small note asking if i could still take her son over night saturday with my little niece as they were looking forward to it. Her friend came to the door and said she's not coming out to talk it's too late.
She didn't reply. I then wrote a letter on paper and walked up again, and knocked to hand it to her. She came to the inside of the door and said what, i said can you open the door, she refused and said she was scared (it was 12 midnight) i said "Scared?? of what? jesus i just came to give you a letter, will you read it for me?) she took it in the letterbox and i left.
It outlined everything, how i felt, everything.
No reply still.
I was messaging her the next day too, i told her i'd downloaded a bunch of tutorial videos i'd found for her that would help her use Sony Vegas (which i usually do for her) and it's the first time she replied saying "i'll get those off you, how will i get them", Not to be pushy i told her i'd leave them on a stick outside my house behind a plant. She came and went without letting me know.

The last time i messaged her was on Thursday night. Still no replys.
Another final note, when she firt confronted be about the text she found, she was crying and told me "it's such a shame, i've never met a boy in my life i've had such an amazing connection with, someone i could literally sit and talk to for hours on eend about nothing". I have tried to say to her are we really going to throw all of that away over a silly message you KNOW i regret and had no intention of following up on?
I'd also asked my friend who's happy with hes girl for 6 months now had he done anything sily, and anyone i asked said yes, similar stuff. I just got caught, i told her this.

Anyway, still no replys. I asked her multiple times, if this REALLY is it... tell me, just tell me to leave you alone and i will. Nothing.

Please, without calling me childish etc, what should i do. Started Tuesday morning, it's saturday afternoon now and hasn't eased in any way etc.
Is this really it, is there ANYTHING i can do?
I got upset earlier, she was saying "i was so stupid i even put a 300 deposit on a holiday for us, what an idiot". She asked for all her stuff back, a book, pictures and videos etc. She has my laptop, so i thought, well if she really wants to destroy our relationship without being adult enough to even talk to me to say goodbye, then i want my laptop i gave her back. I messaged her this morning saying "Im leaving at 1pm, if you could drop my laptop back to my house before that time it'd be much appreciated".
I know i know... But she uses it for college, i would have presumed if it was really over she'd have already been working on xferring her stuff off of it and dropped it back to me, but it's 3pm now and not so much as a reply.

Any advice would be brilliant.
If nothing else, can you guys at least let me know what the ignoring me, apart from when collecting videos i got for her helping her learn something means?
Wouldn't she be all yep no problem if it was off? Thank you

[Wakeup]

Oh My Gawd! Why are you still with this girl. Do you not have the ballzzz to get the hell away from her and her INSANITY?

She maybe hot but she's NUTS. Do you want to put up with her insecurity and shit tests and snooping and insanely low self-esteem for the rest of your life? Surely you have more self-respect then to want someone like her. She's got true mental issues.

I guarantee you that she loves the drama so much that when you stop chasing her and go zero contact she will try to hoover you back for more mental and emotional abuse.

Grab your sack and run far and fast away from this psychotic bitch.

**** I wanted to throw my Micky D shake in her face just reading about her. And YOU... well you're such a twit you'd do her school work for her which is DOING NOTHING but making you feel needed by a woman that clearly doesn't know how to make a man feel that he's valued.

Blunt as fk, I know but, dude... you need a serious wake up call about your own lack of self-worth and to kick start you into looking out for yourself and stop letting this or any other chick run you around like that.

You also need to stop contacting ex's and when they are ex's you keep them that way by blocking and deleting their contact. There is NOTHING that ever comes to good from contacting ex's or keeping a door open to them either because of the emotional turmoil it will cost you or the mistrust it will cause in any new relationship.

Change your ways and change your girlfriend and DO not let her talk to you again. You need to get over her... not recycle her ffs.

- - - Updated - - -

BTW: Now that you did a smart thing and asked to get your lap top back she's likely going to come up with some elaborate plan to keep you hooked on her until she can afford her own lap top or some other schmuck gives her his.

Don't give her her stuff until you get that laptop back but don't meet to do the exchange. Get a friend to do the exchange. You're too weak about her to be strong like you should be.

- - - Updated - - -

Oh and stop letting yourself become so embroiled with someone in such a short period of time. Four months and you're sounding like a man obsessed. For a former "womanizer" I'm surprised you've let this psycho babe play you this way.

[Quarterly]

Oh My Gawd! Why are you still with this girl. Do you not have the ballzzz to get the hell away from her and her INSANITY?

She maybe hot but she's NUTS. Do you want to put up with her insecurity and shit tests and snooping and insanely low self-esteem for the rest of your life? Surely you have more self-respect then to want someone like her. She's got true mental issues.

I guarantee you that she loves the drama so much that when you stop chasing her and go zero contact she will try to hoover you back for more mental and emotional abuse.

Grab your sack and run far and fast away from this psychotic bitch.

**** I wanted to throw my Micky D shake in her face just reading about her. And YOU... well you're such a twit you'd do her school work for her which is DOING NOTHING but making you feel needed by a woman that clearly doesn't know how to make a man feel that he's valued.

Blunt as fk, I know but, dude... you need a serious wake up call about your own lack of self-worth and to kick start you into looking out for yourself and stop letting this or any other chick run you around like that.

You also need to stop contacting ex's and when they are ex's you keep them that way by blocking and deleting their contact. There is NOTHING that ever comes to good from contacting ex's or keeping a door open to them either because of the emotional turmoil it will cost you or the mistrust it will cause in any new relationship.

Change your ways and change your girlfriend and DO not let her talk to you again. You need to get over her... not recycle her ffs.

- - - Updated - - -

BTW: Now that you did a smart thing and asked to get your lap top back she's likely going to come up with some elaborate plan to keep you hooked on her until she can afford her own lap top or some other schmuck gives her his.

Don't give her her stuff until you get that laptop back but don't meet to do the exchange. Get a friend to do the exchange. You're too weak about her to be strong like you should be.

- - - Updated - - -

Oh and stop letting yourself become so embroiled with someone in such a short period of time. Four months and you're sounding like a man obsessed. For a former "womanizer" I'm surprised you've let this psycho babe play you this way.

No dude thank you for your honesty, you arn't the first person who's said that i'm not completely the problem here.
I felt rather insulted that she got all dressed up like she was going out, to meet me for coffee, just to trick me into getting her videos i made for her
from her and to show me what i'd lost. Sociopathic maybe? She called me a Sociopath as she was doing this to me.

Did you read the last part? She posted an amazing picture of herself all dressed up going out to an event earlier with a "i'm feeling amazing, back to my old self again, feel fantastic" message. Does she really feel great and glad to get me out of her life, or does this show she's hurting and trying to pull the proverbial wool over my eyes so i'll be upset?

Also i said "im coming to get my laptop" she said she's leaving to that christening, i said im coming to get it and she said "I thought you gave it to me for my birthday". She's saying this yet she always referred to it as my laptop, until i asked for it back. She did well enough to make sure she got all her shit back from me, yet isn't willing to give my shit back.

[Wakeup]

Does she really feel great and glad to get me out of her life, or does this show she's hurting and trying to pull the proverbial wool over my eyes so i'll be upset?

Who gives a fvck? YOU should be glad that she's not bothering you anymore and that you no longer have to be subjected to her bullshit.

Why oh why did you give her stuff back to her before you got your lap top. Now you're just going to have to continue the drama and she will keep you hooked to it as you try to get back what is yours.

Frankly, now that you didn't get it back while you had the leverage of being in possession of her stuff, you'd be better off to just let her have it and blocking and deleting her from being able to get to you again. Perhaps a friend could harass her for it and you stay completely out of it.

Quick creeping her social media. It will just keep you mired in her web.

If you have remote access to it I'd put a shitload of malware on it so that its unusable to her. I'm normally not vindictive but she needs a lesson learned that her highness isn't going to get away with her royal attitude.

[Quarterly]

Who gives a fvck? YOU should be glad that she's not bothering you anymore and that you no longer have to be subjected to her bullshit.

Why oh why did you give her stuff back to her before you got your lap top. Now you're just going to have to continue the drama and she will keep you hooked to it as you try to get back what is yours.

Frankly, now that you didn't get it back while you had the leverage of being in possession of her stuff, you'd be better off to just let her have it and blocking and deleting her from being able to get to you again. Perhaps a friend could harass her for it and you stay completely out of it.

Quick creeping her social media. It will just keep you mired in her web.

If you have remote access to it I'd put a shitload of malware on it so that its unusable to her. I'm normally not vindictive but she needs a lesson learned that her highness isn't going to get away with her royal attitude.

hm i see your mindset lol.
You see, i gave her her stuff thinking this was just a small thing she'd get over once she realised it was only a text message.
and of course the videos, she took before she dropped the bomb.

i want your opinion.
is she over me? or is she hurting and putting on a brave face. i know you think i should get away from her,
but if i WANTED... could i get her back? or not.

[Wakeup]

Why don't you try completely ignoring her and train your brain to stop wanting the answers to such questions and instead guide your thoughts to realizing what a psycho, jealous, user she is and that it would be torture and torment on a constant basis if she were to come back to you?

She actually sounds like she's got Borderline Personality Disorder and that is why she makes sure she makes up reasons to abandon YOU before you can abandon her. Google BPD and read the symptoms.

As for your actual question: I think that if she does have BPD and you ignore her, she will do her best to get your attention again only to wash and repeat until YOU end the sick cycle.

Check yourself and ask YOU why you want to be tortured. You may have some codependency and white knight symptoms that you'll want to work on so that you don't keep picking women like her. Porn style sex is no reason to ruin your own self-respect and confidence in general.

[Quarterly]

well, i've spent the last 4 months of my life with this girl. we have the same interests, we can sit for literally 10 hours talking nonsense and it doesn't feel like a chore.
i actually just wrote a 6 page letter expressing how i felt and dropped it in her letterbox.
if she reads that and still wants to wreck the relationship without trying to save it because of a text and a couple of messages from before i was with her. then it's not worth saving.
all this time i thought i wasn't good enough for her, she's proving now that alot of our issues were her unstable nature

[Wakeup]

You're just as unstable if you'd want someone like her back. Sorry, but you still continue to fail to see what a manipulative, immature, argumentative, user and very poor long term partner she is.

Read back the dynamic of your entire relationship ... you walking on egg shells and her being jealous. You doing her school work for her and enabling her to not have to apply herself, you letting her basically steal your lap top from you, you chasing her and begging her to forgive you for something that happened before you were even with her. Her breaking up with you twice now and you still giving up all your self-respect to try and make her want you... Hopefully you'll soon see what she has reduced you to.

Good luck.

[Quarterly]

You're just as unstable if you'd want someone like her back. Sorry, but you still continue to fail to see what a manipulative, immature, argumentative, user and very poor long term partner she is.

Read back the dynamic of your entire relationship ... you walking on egg shells and her being jealous. You doing her school work for her and enabling her to not have to apply herself, you letting her basically steal your lap top from you, you chasing her and begging her to forgive you for something that happened before you were even with her. Her breaking up with you twice now and you still giving up all your self-respect to try and make her want you... Hopefully you'll soon see what she has reduced you to.

Good luck.

It's hard to accept it thats all. it wasn't all bad, we actually had some great times together, and losing a straight up 10/10 on it's own presents issues.
I appreciate your comments and know you're only thinking of the best for me. it's just of course when it's you, it's hard to accept that
you don't control the situation.
If i'd really deserved this by cheating or sleeping with someone sure. But i didn't.
It's upsetting it all.

[junko]

Dude seriously! This is toxic, she is toxic. She is also callous and seems to want a sugar daddy (taking your laptop and thinking you gave it to her).

Block the bitch (I hate women like this as they give us a bad name). Go out with friends and get on with your life. Don't play her pathetic, stupid games.

One last thing, if she does contact you, tell her to go get some therapy as she is unstable and completely nuts.

They always say the beautiful, model type ones are the craziest!

[Quarterly]

Dude seriously! This is toxic, she is toxic. She is also callous and seems to want a sugar daddy (taking your laptop and thinking you gave it to her).

Block the bitch (I hate women like this as they give us a bad name). Go out with friends and get on with your life. Don't play her pathetic, stupid games.

One last thing, if she does contact you, tell her to go get some therapy as she is unstable and completely nuts.

They always say the beautiful, model type ones are the craziest!

OK so an update.
Things started getting a bit nasty, i really didn't want that. I said i don't care what she says, i want my laptop back.
I then said look i don't want it getting nasty, surely you can see i was trying to fix the relationship.
She started saying things along the lines of "I did love you, alot, and if it makes you feel any better, i do miss alot of things about us
being together". So i said what about this and that and she started saying "Of course there were good things with us etc".
I said well you made such an effort to get everything you have belonging to you from me, i want everything you have that belongs to me
too. Then i got a text saying "Maybe you can consider this for me, could you let me use the laptop just until i can afford to buy my own,
and then i'll give you yours back at the end of the semester".

I then got weak and basically said "you know im a good person, i don't want the laptop, i gave it to you. I don't want anything
back from you as i want the best for you and want you to do well in your college work.
Can you just drop me back my Memory stick i gave to you as it's handy for when im fixing people's laptops and she said "thats no problem".
Then this morning i got a text saying "I popped that memory stick in your letter box ______".
Yesterday evening i said a final goodbye, saying "i do love you and really wanted to fix and make everything work, ad even though you
don't love or want me anymore, im still here if you ever need any help with anything"
She replied saying "You too " That smiley face REALLY pissed me off.

Just as a note, her 2 previous Ex's never accepted the breakups, they stalked her and followed her and were texting her for years
after. What do you think it's going to do to her that i just completely do the opposite?
And of course i don't mean what i say when i said "im here for you if you need any help". Thats just a way of keeping it civil so she
doesn't try to f*ck up my name and reputation by being the bigger man.

So do you guys think thats it? I'll never hear from her again? Or maybe how classy i was at the end will make her realize
what she's lost? Just an afterthought.

Thanks SO much for your help guys

[woody]

Yes good to be amicable but I wonder, if you felt the need to guard yourself from her likely wrath towards your character, isn't that enough to know this one's over the top damaged goods? She is you know. She's a player and a manipulator.
She may look good in a skirt but in my opinion, ditch the witch.
I hope she's a better mother than she is a partner. Woman's got serious issues.

Hope you get you laptop back. You got played brother. Take off the rose tinted glasses and go grab yourself a hefty dose of self worth and then, stand by it....

[michelle23]

I read half of it and didn't get to the point where the girl is apparantly insane. I see an untrustworthy player who has given her a load of red flags and if shes smart she will dump you. Your so far gone past any human decency that you think its normal to lie, cheat and decieve. How many times did you say "well I obviously lied".. ive been with my partner 6 years and have never lied. Stay single man coz your hopeless at committment

[Quarterly]

I read half of it and didn't get to the point where the girl is apparantly insane. I see an untrustworthy player who has given her a load of red flags and if shes smart she will dump you. Your so far gone past any human decency that you think its normal to lie, cheat and decieve. How many times did you say "well I obviously lied".. ive been with my partner 6 years and have never lied. Stay single man coz your hopeless at committment

All i did was told her that i didn't say anything important to my ex after i replied to her text. That wasn't a lie, nor were there any other "red flags" you bitch. How can you have been with your perfect partner 6 years whithout him slapping you out of your ignoramous attitude? I told you SHE messaged her ex first, and didn't tell me until i saw the email. Is that a red flag or a lie?
I replied to my ex, and did the same as she did, kept it to myself, it wasn't important.
Snooping through my phone, email and facebook and ringing people on there even regarding conversations i'd had with them over 2 years ago.. there's some f*cking red flags.. I hope your period finishes soon and you can climb down out of your own lofty arse.

Thanks

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Yes good to be amicable but I wonder, if you felt the need to guard yourself from her likely wrath towards your character, isn't that enough to know this one's over the top damaged goods? She is you know. She's a player and a manipulator.
She may look good in a skirt but in my opinion, ditch the witch.
I hope she's a better mother than she is a partner. Woman's got serious issues.

Hope you get you laptop back. You got played brother. Take off the rose tinted glasses and go grab yourself a hefty dose of self worth and then, stand by it....

Letting her keep the laptop was to stop her bad mouthing me, im wondering though that because im not giving her the attention she normally gets in this situation, will she realize she might have made a mistake?
At the very least do you think she's sad? Or is she having the best time of her life now like she tried to pretend the other day on her facebook

[Wakeup]

So do you guys think thats it? I'll never hear from her again? Or maybe how classy i was at the end will make her realize
what she's lost? Just an afterthought.

Oh, you'll hear from her again when she wants to use you for something else like a newer laptop or maybe to get you do a school project for her or something.

I know its hard to face the disappointment and yes, FEAR of not having someone who you have become used to being in your life suddenly no longer there however; You will start to feel a fk of a lot better when you accept that this bitch you are hung up on is a user and even a "12" is not worth the shit storm she would be putting you through on and off as long as you two are an item.

There comes a time when being ballzzz deep in a psycho/user/bitch is not worth the crap she puts you through when you're not doing her. There it is, said and done. Find someone who isn't used to being a Princess that gets her own way every time or she leaves (but makes sure she gets to keep something that she needs while she does it)

You will start to feel much better the minute you accept that even if she does come back it would only be with her bringing her same insane behaviour to torment you so you really don't want her back. Zero contact starts now.