Frustrated and Confused

[ConfusedInPa]

I need some help/advice if you please. I'm going to give a bit of background and then the issue but I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
I am a divorcee (9yr marriage) which ended because of confirmed cheating on his part. Thankfully I was able to "find myself" after the split and found a boyfriend that I feel completely satisfied me mentally, emotionally and physically. Now however I have no idea what's going on.
Some of the signs with the cheating issue was: lack of sexual activity since he couldn't keep it up, get it up at all or actually denied me when I prompted a "romp". Another was that I'd wake to him masturbating while I lay in bed next to him.
All of these events are happening after only 2 years with my new guy. I feel like I have to beg for any sexual contact and even when it does happen he sometimes doesn't ejaculate. I'm a 3-4 times a week kinda gal and even follow the "red week means head week" adage. Am I asking for too much? Is this history repeating or am I just being paranoid? HELP!!

[dontaskme]

How old are you guys?

[ConfusedInPa]

I'm 35 and he's 36

[Wakeup]

Ya know, sometimes a guy just wants an orgasm without having to work at giving us one for an hour or more. Why don't you just masturbate along with him if you happen to catch him rubbing one out? I would suspect that since he doesn't always cum when making love that he gets his release from self-pleasure.

If you don't like the fact that your libidos don't match and you've talked to him about it before and nothing has changed then either get sex therapy together to learn to compromise together or both of you change altogether or leave him (don't marry someone you're not satisfied with).

BTW: If he's not interested in indulging in some sort of compromise that won't make him miserable while trying to make you happy then there is NOTHING anyone can suggest that will work. Keep that in mind (that compromise means you both need to give up something and end up with a plan that will work for the two of you)

[ConfusedInPa]

Wakeup: I completely get what you're saying. I've spoken to him about it and he admitted that he feels that he needs to perform to keep me happy that's why he doesn't cum every time. That statement right there makes me feel like a sex addict in addition to being a horrible person. I DO NOT want him to feel that he is forcing himself to remain with me. We work on every level except this. We quality spend time together daily and thoroughly enjoy each other's company. I'm going to suggest sex therapy (never thought of that option) and see where it goes. If nothing else, and even though it will be VERY tough, I can always walk away.
Thanks for listening to my story.

[Wakeup]

No sense either of you feeling like "horrible people" just because you're not on the same page as far as libidos go. Just work together to fix it.... which it what you seem to want to do. Lets hope he's on board as well.

Good luck.