Ok, should I get back with my ex?

[OneNightOnly]

Hello! So my ex and I dated for over a year and broke up when he moved. I'm about to be 18 and he's 19. I ask if I should get back with him because he was really good to me when we dated. We never argued, though we didn't agree on everything, and we would always have a nice time together. However, it's been over a year since ive seen him, and I think my feelings for him have changed... Like he was my first love and all, but sometimes I feel like I'm over it. He wants to be a rapper which I'm worried about, but he never finished hs nor does he have his GED, and he does not have a backup plan... That really worries me. He smokes weed, which I dont like but never nagged him about. Also, I don't know if we have much in common. Like, our conversations consist of the same things everyday, and I want to talk about deeper things.
I know that sometimes you gotta compromise in relationships, and he always treated me well...so maybe I should deal with it? I mean, I don't want much in a guy. I was someone who is kind, loving, smart and funny, is gonna be faithful, doesn't smoke or drink, and someone who is gonna go for a stable career.. And of course, attraction is important lol I don't really care about height, or how much money a guy is gonna make, or how muscular or popular a guy is. I've never cared about that. But, am I asking for too much in a guy? What should I do?

I ask because I dont wanna make a stupid and rash decision, and have petty reasoning for not going back with him. He never hurt me, never cheated on me, was never mean to me or anything...and I know a lot of girls have been with jerks and would want a guy like him...so I dunno...help please?

[Wakeup]

He broke up with YOU... You didn't break up with him.. is that correct. lmao

[basilandthyme]

If you think you're over him, why would you get back together with him? Does he want to get back with you? Why would you willingly do a long distance relationship?

Lastly, why are you looking to go backwards instead of looking out for new guys who live local to you?

[smackie9]

Sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that you shouldn't....well you are right you shouldn't. Yes you are right about there is nothing wrong with compromise, but there is a thing call compatibility which you cannot compromise on, because without it, your relationship doesn't have a hope in hell to last for the long haul. Smoking pot/ and his aspirations of being a rapper are deal breakers. Sure those things can be overlooked when you are a teenager still living at home. But now you are becoming an adult, and adults have priorities/goals because how you live/pay the bills/put a roof over your head/support a family/raise children will depend on who you choose for a partner. He's still being a kid, and if you want to get ahead in life, don't be settlin for someone like him.

- - - Updated - - -

To add no you are not asking too much, you will find someone like that, just don't try to make a guy like that get what I mean? Be picky!

[OneNightOnly]

If you think you're over him, why would you get back together with him? Does he want to get back with you? Why would you willingly do a long distance relationship?

Lastly, why are you looking to go backwards instead of looking out for new guys who live local to you?

Thank you for replying

It's mainly him who wants to get back together. I've tried to tell him that we'd be in a LDR for who knows how long(Im going to college in August, but I dont know about him anymore...at first he talked about college, but he doesn't even have his diploma nor his GED :/ ), we're young so we'll find other people, etc, but he kinda wont take the hint. I know I have to be more firm, trust me I do, but how does one come across as firm without being a jerk?

Honestly, I hear girls talk about all the time how guys are jerks, and how all the men they've been with were horrible thus far (my mother included) here I had this guy who never hurt me, never was mean to me, treated me really good, someone who I felt safe with...I dont wanna give that up without really really reallyyyy putting thought into it.

And to answer the last part of your question, I haven't met any guys since we broke up. In fact, I was surprised that he asked me out because guys in my school dont notice me because im soooo quiet lol . I honestly would like to talk to different types of guys...not date them, nor sleep with them...just talk and hang out and and if it progresses into a relationship then cool! Since im going to college in August, im gonna try and put myself out there more and talk and do things around campus. Im not looking to party, but to interact with different cool people and what not. Im really shy, and introverted, buttttt I think I can do it *fingers crossed*

Sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that you shouldn't....well you are right you shouldn't. Yes you are right about there is nothing wrong with compromise, but there is a thing call compatibility which you cannot compromise on, because without it, your relationship doesn't have a hope in hell to last for the long haul. Smoking pot/ and his aspirations of being a rapper are deal breakers. Sure those things can be overlooked when you are a teenager still living at home. But now you are becoming an adult, and adults have priorities/goals because how you live/pay the bills/put a roof over your head/support a family/raise children will depend on who you choose for a partner. He's still being a kid, and if you want to get ahead in life, don't be settlin for someone like him.

- - - Updated - - -

To add no you are not asking too much, you will find someone like that, just don't try to make a guy like that get what I mean? Be picky!

Thanks so much See, this is(or was) my first relationship, so I honestly dont know how to navigate things like this....it's all so new to me. If he was a jerk to me while we dated, I think it would be easier to make this decision, but its hard...I try to stress the importance of him actually furthering his education because we are young adults and have to worry about our future, but nearly a year later he's still in the same spot and it makes me sad because I know he can do it, it seems as if he's choosing not to

[basilandthyme]

I've got kids your age so I've had a bit of experience with men. With the exception of one man, the guys I've dated have all been really good guys. Just not suited to me. Even my ex-husband is not a horrible guy. To be honest, I question the judgement of women who say that "all" men are horrible: either they are exceedingly back at picking guys or they can't accept fault in a relationship.

So, a guy doesn't have to be a bad guy to have you call it off. It's OK to say "I'm sure you'll find a wonderful girl, but I'm looking for something different in a man".

You may be shy now, but you're still so young. Many, many girls your age haven't had a boyfriend yet - but their time will come with life experience and the confidence gained.

How does one come across as firm without being a jerk? You do it by standing your ground but not being insulting. If he keeps pestering you even when you're firm with him, then it's actually a sign that he doesn't respect you and what you want for yourself. Try pointing that out to him.

[Wakeup]

How does one come across as firm without being a jerk?

By just stating the facts of the matter and not worrying about how the person you are giving the facts to will accept them. That's called having personal boundaries... you let go of outcomes and you focus on you and your own needs/wants/desires. It's not selfish to do that and if you think it is then you need to work on honing said personal boundaries to the point that you don't feel guilty for looking out for your own emotional best interests.


You can empathise with how they may react to "the bad news", or "the truth" or when hearing what your expectations are that haven't been met, but you can't worry about how they do. That's their job, not yours.

[OneNightOnly]

Thanks everyone 😊