He can be an arse, he knows he is being one, but he is remorseful.

[hunterprincess]

The best way to explain my boyfriends moods, is essentially by calling him bipolar. One moment he is all 'hey baby' and the next he is pissed. I already posted this story last night, but there is a twist in the story. haha. Last night he comes home from work around 9:30 pm and I am in our room working on a essay that is due today, using my wireless keyboard, that he has been using for gaming (he hasn't gone and bought himself one). He asked me if he could use it and I said 'no, sorry I type faster on it and I need to get this paper done," he responds, "I guess I am going to Walmart then," super mad and storms out of the room slamming the door. Today he wakes me up and is super apologetic and 'I am sorry I was mean, I am going to buy my own keyboard today.' I am very appreciative that he is recognizes that he was in the wrong, but I feel like he sees it as, if I acknowledge that I am wrong, then it will be essentially putting the toothpaste back in the tube. Not even 5 min later, he is trying to have sex. I am not in the mood because I am recovering from yesterdays debacle, but at the same time you cannot treat sex like you are asking to go to the store or something. Hello, why don't you be nice and romantic? How yesterday and this morning went, is basically how it usually goes, he is mean over something trivial and then super sweet and apologetic the next day. I usually try and let it go, because it is over such trivial matters. At some point, the apologies become meaningless, apologies are more than just admitting a wrong doing or something mean said, it is a social contract that states that the party will strive not to repeat the offence. When the thing apologized for, has been done a hundred times over and apologized for a hundred times over, it becomes a moot point. He says that he will try and do better, work on not being so mean. He says he reacts like that because he is frustrated. Last night, he came home and wanted to game and blow off some steam, but because he didn't have access to my keyboard and couldn't game, he was pissed and bored, with no other choice but to go to bed. He also goes onto say, every time we discuss why he gets so mean, that he is frustrated with my sleeping habits. I go to bed at 3 am and wake up around 11am, it irritates him that when he is trying to go to bed, I am doing homework. I guess it is too logical, for him to ask me to go do my homework somewhere else because he cannot sleep.

[basilandthyme]

Genuine remorse and apologies are followed by a concerted attempt to change. However, based on your previous posts, it would seem that his behaviour continues - therefore, he doesn't really care about how he treats you.

Regarding the homework thing, it's also logical to assume that if you can SEE that he's trying to sleep, you'd have a consideration to take your homework elsewhere. He shouldn't have to ask you!

[Wakeup]

Have you had that conversation with him? By "that" I mean what you say in your opening post as quoted below. If you haven't, then why haven't you? This goes back to what I said in your other thread about allowing him to do this to you. You teach people how to treat you and its clear that you're not teaching him that what he does is not acceptable to you... and so he continues to act like the emotionally immature doink that he is.

I am very appreciative that he is recognizes that he was in the wrong, but I feel like he sees it as, if I acknowledge that I am wrong, then it will be essentially putting the toothpaste back in the tube. Not even 5 min later, he is trying to have sex. I am not in the mood because I am recovering from yesterdays debacle, but at the same time you cannot treat sex like you are asking to go to the store or something. Hello, why don't you be nice and romantic? How yesterday and this morning went, is basically how it usually goes, he is mean over something trivial and then super sweet and apologetic the next day. I usually try and let it go, because it is over such trivial matters. At some point, the apologies become meaningless, apologies are more than just admitting a wrong doing or something mean said, it is a social contract that states that the party will strive not to repeat the offence.

I'd also like to know did he ask you if you could do your homework elsewhere or did he keep it to himself and then just blow up when he couldn't stand the noise any longer? You could have just as easily sussed it out that the clicker clacker of a keyboard and the light from the screen would have been disturbing to someone trying to fall asleep.

You two don't know how to be a couple and share space like two adults. You really don't.

[TablesandChairs]

You live in shared accommodation from my understanding so you're probably bound to your room more than you'd like. It sucks but it's how it is for now. If I was in your shoes - I'd recognise that the typing noise is very frustrating when someone is trying to sleep so I'd try to get my work done during other hours.But ultimately - he could just have that discussion with you. Maybe even discuss if there is a way you can sync your sleeping patterns. It doesn't have to escalate into temper tantrums.

[TheEvilJester]

I haven't seen any of your other threads so far, so I cannot comment on them. I also have to warn you to take my advice on this particular issue with a slight grain of salt. That is because your situation hits a little too close to home. My ex was similarly a nasty person who seemed to think people were just supposed to be okay with it because later she'd "realize she was wrong" and apologize. I will say this, if your fella's apologies are actually sincere (at least WHEN he delivers them) then he's got one up on my ex. Hers were 100% full of crap. I know this because I'd sometimes be on the outside of her particular "episode." She'd flip out on somebody for some reason that was either so trivial it shouldn't have needed a flip out, or that was actually HER fault and not the other person's after all. She'd then later apologize to them, but then later (away from the person in question) I'd hear her still acting like it was 100% the other person's fault and she'd done absolutely nothing wrong.

The bottom line is you are right. An apology is not a real apology if it does not involve the actual intention and effort not to let the same thing happen again. An apology is NOT just a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser that automatically erases all sins and creates a clean slate. You can't just do wrong, apologize, then think it is okay to just do wrong again because you can then just apologize.

Personally, my advice would be to kick this guy to the curb. But, again, please take that with a grain of salt. That is only because I've been in a very similar situation and I stuck with my ex for WAY too long thinking that things could improve. I'm the kind of guy who sticks to his commitments. I figured two people can work with each other and get over this stuff. They may seem little on the surface, but a lot of little things really add up. Not to mention, sometimes when you step back and take a fresh look, you realize that things you thought were "small things" really were not that small after all. But the bottom line is his attitude, his actions, his treatment of you are NOT okay. If that isn't going to change, then you deserve better. I learned that the hard way myself, and come out of it so much stronger for finally realizing I deserved better.

Good luck to you.