Girl right out of a relationship

[Alab63]

Here is the story

There is this girl that I really like. We have been friends for about 5 years. About two months ago I took her as my +1 to a party. That night I was able to break the friend barrier and I took her home with me and needless to say, we did the deed. After we hooked up. She expressed that she likes me and wants to date me however is not ready for a relationship because she just broke up with her ex. (The weekend of the party was the weekend she moved out of his apartment) after that first night, for about two weeks She would text me everyday. She would tell me that she was thinking about me and even text me goodnight. And we had more sex.

After every time we had sex she would tell me how she thinks I'm such a nice guy and how I'm 'boyfriend material'

she would even say "I've been thinking about dating you, I'm just not ready for a relationship right now, maybe In a couple months"

After those two weeks. She stopped texting me as much. She never ignores me, she just is not as clingy as she was those first two weeks witch is fine. But what's with the sudden distance?

Whenever I would ask her if she wanted to hang out she would say something like "I'm busy this weekend but I'll keep you posted"

I still saw her here and there, and we still had sex but something was different now. So I decided I was not going to contact her and see what happens. Once I stopped contacting her. She would still text me about 3 times a week for about 3 weeks. She would want to hang out but it would never be definite plans, she often said "I'll keep you posted" so when she invited me to lunch I said I can't because since she was unsure, I made plans.

A week later she sent me a message saying that she's going to be MIA for a bit because she dealing with some stuff right now and she's in a huge panic because of her Visa and has no time for anything else. (Not MIA with just me but all her friends)

I played MR. COOL and said "that's completely fine, take as much time as you need, you know where to find me"

After 2 weeks I texted her saying "hey just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and I hope you are doing ok"

She responded positively and said I was very sweet and said "I Should be available next month so we can hang, I just have a lot on my mind right now" However she posts all kind of pictures on social media of her with her girlfriends at the club having a good time. I have not talked to her since. Did I do the right thing? Is it over between us? Should I stay positive about the situation?

[basilandthyme]

She's stringing you along.....and enjoying some no strings sex with you along the way. Because you're being so amenable, you're running a very high risk of becoming nothing more than FWB.

Time to move on and find a girl who IS available.

[Alab63]

So what do you suggest I do?

[basilandthyme]

My suggestion was to move on and find a girl who IS available.

However, if you're not prepared to do that, then I suggest you stop being so accommodating and friendly to this girl. Perhaps tell her that you're not comfortable in this current situation and that she should call you when she is ready for a relationship - and if you're available you would love to date her. At present, she's getting no strings sex and support from you. This will not change unless you make it clear that this isn't what you want.

[Alab63]

Well when she said she was going to be MIA. I asked her "Can you be honest with me and tell me if you are over whatever it is we are doing?" and she said " and she said "It's not that. I just have bigger problems and I really don't have time to deal with other things. I'm sorry if I'm coming off that way 😔"

[basilandthyme]

No, of course she's not over the current situation because it's all in her favour. No strings support and sex - you're there on call for her and she doesn't have to give anything back.

Truth is, you're way down on her list of priorities right now. I know you want me to say that if you give her time, she'll become ready for a relationship with you - but this really isn't a likely outcome. At least, not if you stay at her beck and call.

- - - Updated - - -

How about this approach "I understand that you're not ready for a relationship right now. That's OK. You won't mind if I continue dating other women will you?"

[Infern0]

Whenever a girl says something like "i'm not ready for a relationship now" it's BS.

Look at it this way, if Channing Tatum, Brad Pitt or whoever she likes knocked on her door and asked her out do you think she'd say "i'm not ready for a relationship, Mr Tatutm"

No, obviously not, she means she's not ready for a relationship with YOU.

Since she's blown you off but still hanging about, you need to cease ALL initiation with her, which means you don't text or call her first anymore, not for any reason.

Wait until she texts you, mention getting together and then if she's agreeable, set a time and date and then leave the conversation and you'll see her at the date.

If she isn't agreeable to meeting, "Ok, well let me know when your schedule frees up, hey i have a few things on today so i'll talk to you again soon, bye"

And leave the conversation.

Basically you are communicating without words that you are not going to be an emotional tampon or friendzone guy, you want to hang out and have fun but you aren't up for being messed around, so it's basically hang out or get lost. Don't say that to her, the last thing you need to do is "have the talk" with her. Just get it into her head that if she is jerking you around then you are moving on and doing other stuff.

Oh, and forget the whole "relationship" thing right now, just hang out and enjoy yourself with her, that sort of thing is down the line, you don't need to worry about that right now, let her be the one to bring that up, just be mr fun and make sure she enjoys being around you so she will want to be around you more.

Cliffs

STOP INITIATING

[basilandthyme]

further to what Infern0 wrote, I was only two months out of a 7 year relationship/marriage when my met my now partner. Technically, I should probably have stayed single longer - but I wasn't going to let a good thing go. For the right person, she will become ready.

[Alab63]

The thing is. Because we aren't committed to eachother. I don't feel like I have the right to act any other type of way but to be supportive of what she is doing. She was very clear from the beginning from the first night we had sex that she was not ready for a relationship or to do anything but but friends for now. So she's been very clear, I guess I'm just blind to what's happening since I only have my eye on the prize.

[basilandthyme]

In that case, I can only reiterate that you should continue dating. And any girls you date must get higher priority than this girl.

She's not your girlfriend, so don't give her the benefits she would get if she was your girlfriend.