issues with long distance marriage

[JadenMia]

My husband works away from home on a shift of 2 weeks at work and 1 week off..
I have felt lonely since he has been gone. He's grumpy and tired at work so we don't get to speak so much while he's away and I stay upbeat for him so it makes it easier on him being away.
I look forward to him coming home so much, but when he comes home I'm just not satisfied. He goes out to see his friends a lot, at first I wanted him to enjoy himself while he gets the chance because he spends his time working to support our family. Then I just feel left out.
We have a 5 month old son so the intimacy between us is questionable. He doesn't initiate sex, we only have sex if he has had a drink or if I initiate.
Today he mentioned he wanted to go into a poker tournament with his friend. I explained how I have felt lately.. And how lonely I have felt and he seemed to listen and understand.
An hour later he was still mentioning the poker game!! I felt upset that he asked but I felt that if that's what he wanted to do what was the point of asking him to stay. So I told him to go and he kissed me and left.
Now I'm left feeling so lonely and empty.. He leaves again in 2 days and I feel like we haven't spent a minute together or had a passionate time at all. I crave attention from him, I miss having passionate sex, I feel like a slave to our kids and the house.
What do I do.. I feel like he doesn't take me seriously when I tell him how I feel. He seriously just giggles and tells me he loves me and gives me a hug.
It's not that he is ever rude.. It is like he doesn't understand or know what I want even when I try to tell him.
Any advice would be awesome... Thankyou.

[basilandthyme]

Jaden you made a good start by airing your concerns. However, as he didn't take it on board - you've got to up the ante. The conversation now needs to be along the lines of "I'm very unhappy because....." or even "I'm reconsidering this marriage because...." You may need to hit him over the head with a figurative sledgehammer to get him to sit up and take notice.

That being said, try and make sure that the home environment is somewhere he'd want to be. Are you a pleasure to spend company with? Lots of people avoid coming home if their partner is depressed or angry or prone to complaining. The same attitude will also make a partner not want to have sex with us. Not saying that you're doing this - but it is worth ruling out.

[Wakeup]

Any chance you can get a baby sitter for an overnighter with him. Go someone and just focus on one another?

[JadenMia]

In complete honesty, I always try to make the house somewhere he would want to spend his time. I keep it clean, I greet with smiles, I joke, I have fun and generally keep the house upbeat. I always make sure my hair and makeup is done, I worked hard to lose the baby weight.. I don't see why he wouldn't want to be around me but it hurts my feelings..
Today is the only real day I snapped and haven't been so 'pleasant'. I had enough today and want to discuss it. Everytime I try to bring it up we hit a brick wall it seems. He likes to ignore things and pretend it's all going good. I love him to death but wow am I ever unhappy with the way things are going right now.. Tonight I told him I am unhappy and he pretty much just said he thinks he spends a lot of time with me and that I need to let him do what he wants as he's a grown man... Lol he has a point.. But why don't I ever leave the house without my kids and a baby attached to my boob and he's still living the life!? He isn't listening and he doesn't seem to care.

Wakeup, we REALLY need a night off together.. Wow I would love that so much. And so would he.. We always talk about it but it's hard with my son. I guess we need to make it happen.

[basilandthyme]

Well, yes - it's important for him to have time doing his things. But it's also important for him to spend time with you. This is about balance.

When he's at home for that week, how much time do the two of you get to spend together? If you're at home in the daytime with your son, can the two of you at least go on outings as a family? I'm thinking that one evening with the boys during that week would be reasonable but the rest should be for nurturing his marriage.

When he's gone, do you ever get time to yourself?

[JadenMia]

Well, yes - it's important for him to have time doing his things. But it's also important for him to spend time with you. This is about balance.

When he's at home for that week, how much time do the two of you get to spend together? If you're at home in the daytime with your son, can the two of you at least go on outings as a family? I'm thinking that one evening with the boys during that week would be reasonable but the rest should be for nurturing his marriage.

When he's gone, do you ever get time to yourself?

Usually I wake up around 6.30am, take my eldest to school and get the kids ready for the day while he sleeps in until around 10ish. Then he always finds some sort of excuse to leave.. His friend will call so they will leave for 2 hours taking the dog out for a run. Then he will come home for a while, eat, then find something else to do.. Always in and out seeing this friend and that friend. Sometimes we will go out together on outings, but especially this week I couldn't because our son has been very sick.. So I have stayed at home and practically waited for him it seemed.
On Friday night he had a boys night, which is fine. The other nights we have stayed home together but it doesn't feel like we are 'together'.. He's watched movies that he is interested in.. Iv fallen asleep while trying to get the baby to sleep..
When he's gone I do keep myself busy, but not really time to myself. No family around and my son is breastfed and I have troubles pumping bottles for him.

[na232]

We all know the root of the problem. But the thing is, he might not be aware of his actions completely. And he's probably taking you for granted because he might feel like you belong to him already so there's no need to satisfy your needs further. You definitely should be more assertive to let him know that you aren't always going to be there- whether you mean it or not. There's no I in marriage. You don't want to hurt him, but the more you put it off, the more you're hurting yourself.

[basilandthyme]

Is this a new thing? I'm guessing that you had a great relationship and lots of time together when you first got married.... so when did he start wanting to spend lots of time away?

How long did you date him before you married him?